Feb 23, 2015
Each of us is a storyteller. We tell our tales to our friends with big belly laughs over beers at our Summer Barbeques. We tell our children tales of our memories from our childhood about spinach and bullies. And we tell ourselves stories about our competency and our past woes and our futures possibilities.
Everyone is entitled to tell their story. Right, wrong, half told or badly told, it is still yours to tell however you want to. And in doing so you can keep what you love and edit the heck out of the rest. It’s yours to tell and yours to rewrite.
But yesterday, I realized there’s a third choice. You can embellish. You can create a magic that you didn’t have before with details that may be slightly true but add a lot of pizzazz.
Eamon had to fill out a questionnaire that asked what his favorite food/snack was. He said he didn’t really know. Then Mark said he was in a seminar yesterday where everyone was asked to give a highlight of their life. He said “being a Dad” but realized that was kinda boring but he had just blanked out. He said he could have mentioned touring the world with the Michael Jackson History tour.
I thought about how there’s a culture of personality online where you see people condensed to their absolutes. They have fabulous catch words such as Kelly Rae’s “possibilitarian”. They have edited pictures and manicured lives. Meanwhile and comparatively, we feel so dull, we don’t even know our favorite color or food or what’s interesting about us. That’s because we’re thinking truthfully.
Truthfully, life’s a little dull. It can be funny but it’s dull. The drama is up to us. So why don’t we just inject it ourselves. Why don’t we each spin ourselves a little and make it more fun. Playwrights take liberties and that’s what we really are. Authors of our life scripts.
Why can’t we take a few minutes and come up with a cheat sheet for ourselves on ourselves to amuse just ourselves. So when people ask what do you want to be when you grow up, you can give them something to think about. I want to create a new national holiday devoted to laughter. Like Trade Jokes Day. This week, my favorite food is egg rolls and Oreos. As always I still remain devoted to gravy, crunchy Cheetos, and really nice olive oil. Next week, schnitzel and nutty buddies.
I decided my favorite colors are Aubergine, Tangerine, and Emerald Green. These sound really cool together. And you can’t just pick one. Eamon said his was Maroon. I told him my theory and suggested Ox Blood instead. He said he’ll think about it. He’s the kid who had a favorite three digit number and is constantly asking you what your’ favorite Star Wars character/Yugio card/super hero is.
I’m so serious and so honest most of the time that I’m missing an opportunity to play. And to be ready when someone asks me those questions that make me feel like I suddenly have to know myself deeply, which I never feel like I do. Instead, I can give them a story and let them sort it out. Because instead of cringing, we should be having fun telling our stories.
Oct 17, 2014
In an attempt to keep moving forward, I follow and read lots of different blogs. One I read is written by a reputable business coach who suggested beginning a Pinterest page to conceive of your ideal day. It’s called vision boarding. If you visualize it, it is more likely to happen. As much as I wanted to say “Heck Yeah”, simultaneously I was all like Bill Cosby with my, “Riiiiggghhht”. Ideal days are a fantasy when your reality is a poopy diaper and the bad attitude that proceeds it.
Although my sarcasm got the better of me, I figured we could all have a little fun today. So here’s my ideal day portrayed in Pinterest pictures. It’s pretend with Pinterest.
Let’s say it’s 20 years from now in the year 2034. (Yeah well 2000 seemed unreal when we were 15 but it eventually came if you were lucky enough to live to see it.)
It’s a beautiful fall morning in 2034 and I’m getting my hair professionally dyed and styled at some ridiculously hip expensive salon.
Professional dye Job and styling
And they’re also apparently doing some botox and secret anti-aging voodoo there too. And they’re serving nice wine.But it’s too early for that. No really. So it’s a nice cappuccino instead OK?
I’m also getting my nails done. Something funky and cutting edge for the future. This will be retro then.
When my nails are dry, it’s time to go see my personal trainer. It could be either a hot guy…
or a very inspirational gal.
(While trolling Pinterest for these pictures, I read a caption which said, “Celebrity Secrets to lose baby weight fast. Ha! -meal service -nanny -house cleaner -personal trainer -photoshop for starters-” Keeping it real. But back to fantasy reality).
I grab a shower and my devoted hubby picks me up in whatever car is his fantasy and takes me on a gourmet picnic. Because maybe it’s our anniversary and we’re making up for the lost celebration time from 20 years earlier.
Rare roast beef sandwiches, YUM. And whatever the heck this raspberry wonderment is.
Back at home, with a little buzz from what’s in the mason jar with the out-of-season raspberries, cute plumber boy shows a little butt crack while installing our new multi-headed shower in our master suite bathroom renovation.
Because I need more reasons to ogle handsome young men’s bodies in this post. And the husband’s getting lucky tonight.
Late in the afternoon, I drive to DC to meet with my Book Agent and planning team about the upcoming book tour I’ll be embarking on.
As I’m about to go into the meeting, my oldest calls to tell us he’s officially made his first million on his video game creations.
He’s got stock and stuff.
And he’s also giving a piano concert at Radio City Music Hall next month.
Then it’s dinner at a new hip fine dining restaurant in DC and attendance to the opening for my artwork at
the National Museum of Women’s Arts museum.
While waiting for our table at the bar, the other kid call to tell me she’s gotten her Master’s Degree paid for
by the Foundation she’s been doing
groundbreaking research for in genetics and cancer.
As if my perfect day couldn’t get any better, then Oprah texts me that we’re on for dinner at either her house in Hawaii
or the one in the South somewhere, to chat about the top secret project we’re working on. Hush. hush.
Oct 10, 2014
Yeah, I can be a hater sometimes. Remember this post where I listed the things that got on my nerves? Well today, I’m sharing my
Top 9 Reasons I Hate Top Ten Lists
- People seem so focused on quantity instead of quality. More for cheap is how we like it. I feel shame.
- I feel further shame of our society’s monkey minded need to package quick answers in lists. Wham bam…
- Writers are dumbing down content and catering to the stupid so the rest can get it.
- And they’re selling out by making more and more of these bloody lists and feeding the public’s need to read them.
- The only exception that proves the rule was Dave Letterman’s top ten lists written by professional funny people. They made it look easy and good.
- Oh and because I just want to hate them.
- I hate myself for reading and/or liking them ever.
- If there’s only 9 items and you have to add one to make it a top 10 then it’s not truly a top ten list. Cheating is encouraged.
- And the number one reason I hate top ten lists is because I can’t seem to write one well.
Jan 10, 2014
“What is that in her hand? She just put it in her mouth”, my husbands says.
“Oh, it looks like a cat toy”, I say.
“You mean the thing that the cat has drooled on with his lick-butt cat mouth?”, he says.
I’m just not as fussy as he is. Sacrifices are made for baby distraction.
She really likes the little jingle bell on the end of the tail.
You know the one that potentially could pop off and she could choke on?
Does it count that I did pulled on it really hard to make sure it didn’t come off easily?
I always say, “What doesn’t kill ‘em makes ‘em stronger”.
Dec 27, 2013
As a child, I can remember feeling such an incredible feeling of grief and let down when the last present was opened.
All that savored anticipation had come to an end. Fin. Final. No finale.
In my adulthood, I feel differently. I am glad to be off. Off work. Off the stage. On switched to off. There’s that feeling of relief that I did it again. There’s something comical about the fanfare now.
I spotted a few amusing sites on our way back from getting Eamon his new glasses today in Easton.
Baby Jesus and his crew have left the house.
I’d say Donner and Blitzen had a misunderstanding.
This is the happiest holiday house on the Denton/Easton Road.
My lovely readers, I can not tell you how happy I am to have you as my audience and my muses. Your care and interest makes this all possible.
Keep celebrating the off-ness of it all. See you on Monday with Post-Christmas posts of Christmas decoration pictures.