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Body Buddy

When my son was little, if I saw he was doing something that would hurt himself intentionally, I’d say, “Don’t hurt my friend”. I say this to my daughter as well.The idea being that I care about them as much as I would a friend seems to be not as obligatory but a choice to care about them. I love each as a buddy and friend and as children.

The more I learn about self-care and self-trust, the more I know I need to teach my daughter how to self-soothe and be there for herself instead of looking for the comfort and acceptance outside herself through drugs, food, or sex perhaps. Seems such a simple concept yet no one ever pointed out my duty to take care of myself in this way.

And then the other day, I was explaining the bracelet on m wrist was my friendship bracelet to myself. That before I could be a good friend to anyone else, I needed to be my own friend first. And Fiona thought about this and agreed and side, “We can have our own Body Buddy.” I gasped at the simple brilliance of this concept and asked if I could use the phrase. She agreed to let me.Body Buddy on Shalavee.com

Imagine if we were all allowed and encouraged to be our own friends from when we were small. That this friendship would allow more self-compassion and thus less self-hatred. What if we didn’t hate our bodies and accepted our differences as beautiful? That we could then have more love and compassion for our fellow humans and less judgement because we knew ourselves well enough. Imagine the rooting of self-trust that would allow us to take bigger and better better risks because we knew we always had our own backs in the end even if we failed. 

The opposites of anxiety and depression is love and trust and connection. It makes complete sense that in giving our next generation solid selse of self and tolerance for our humanity, we are raising people who can make better decisions on behalf of humanity. If this is my only contribution, let it be the best I can give. Let my children know themselves and have faith in their own body buddy. Let my daughter be visible to herself and need no one to give her what she can give herself.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Fiona’s Moana Themed 5th Birthday Party

We celebrated Fiona’s Fifth birthday with a Moana party theme. We’re still doing the parties old school with family and cousins to play with. And the Moana theme was truly a great excuse to reuse my fabulous palm trees over again from the Viva Havana fundraiser.

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

I took a good long time to conceive of and create some of the details and touches that made it feel fun and tropical islandy. Had the palm trees but needed the tiki god idol pieces to fill out the corner cabinets. They’re painted on hunks of cardboard.

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

The kokomora coconuts are made from actual coconuts. We’ll be smashing their heads in soon.And having flowers is a mainstay but this year we had a tropical theme that Miss Patti indulged and sent me home to play with all these beauties.

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

And the food included pulled pork (nod to Pua) on Hawaiian rolls, Hei Hei island terriyaki skewers, Tamatoa crabcakes, Te Fiti island slaw, and pineapple boat fruit skewers. Many of these ideas plus the little sails on the cupcakes were gleaned from Pinterest. Remember, I troll for my ideas first from Pinterest before I commit to a main art project or two.

http://shalavee.com/my-event-creative-process-starts-with-pinterest/

My husband owns the lighting company so I still have these party fete lights strung across my living room.

 

http://shalavee.com/my-event-creative-process-starts-with-pinterest/

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com


Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

Fiona's Moana Themed Fifth Birthday Party on Shalavee.com

 

As for the wee Fiona, she had so much fun, she didn’t know which end was up. Almost all the people that adore her were there and she got more presents! And her very own mini cake which she decorated with her own bath toys and paper umbrellas. It truly was a day to remember.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Endure and Enjoy Like a Cat

I’m walking into the gym, anticipating the discomfort of exercising and the whine of my joints as muscles. And then I think about how it is what it is until it isn’t anymore. Just be in the moment like a cat.Endure and Enjoy like a cat on Shalavee.com

Cats have this now mentality. If they’re in pain they think, this really sucks. They just live life one need and one emotion at a time. And when they’re happy and tired, they’re happy and tired.

Endure and Enjoy like a cat on Shalavee.com

Cat naps are their superpower because they are necessary. Knowing that you absolutely need to indulge in self-care in this way at this time must really take a lot of the guess-work out of life. Because cats know they are always worth it.Endure and Enjoy like a cat on Shalavee.com

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Mother Buffer Zone

I’ve always said she wants to be my hat and sit on my head. When my daughter is feeling needy, she can’t be on top of me enough. Everything that she emotionally needs is drawn from me and it’s more than draining. The give and the take between a girl and her mother is exhausting and it’s necessary. I need to be very conscious of creating a mother buffer zone.

The obstinance and the emotional output she aims at me however… isn’t personal. But most of the time, it feels that way. If there’s an issue of independence that she needs to resolve, her misbehavior will go on until she has decided that she has worked it out. Until I have let her know to her satisfaction that she is worth my attention and the discipline to show her when her behavior is unkind, unnecessary, and unwanted. Not her but her behavior. And she gets to decide when that lesson has been learned.The Mother Buffer Zone on Shalavee.com

Meanwhile, I am also a human with hormones and bad days and sometimes/eventually, I’m worn down and worn out. The crying cannon aimed at me feels personal and torturous. I can’t wait until she gets on her school bus some mornings. My irritation rises and the post-traumatic stress disorder starts to set in.

But what I realized this week is that even though I am her mother, what she sometimes wants from me is stuff from the concept of mother. She pushes against the authoritarian concept of mother. She needs her Mommy when she’s hurt because we mothers are home base, a conceptual safe comfort zone. They happen to be working out their issues with us specifically yet the humanity of their emotional trials need not be taken personally but instead, compassionately by us.

If we allow for a Mother Buffer Zone between us and our children, an understanding that our children need to work out their independence and self-trust in the mirrors they have with us, then we can all be human. We can acknowledge their growth work and our emotional maturity for respecting that and we don’t have to take it all personally.The Mother Buffer Zone on Shalavee.com

I will add that I am always making sure that the way that I’m treated is respectful. My children are entitled to be mad but they may not be disrespectful to me. In that way, I also model what self-respect looks like to them that they may go out in the world and say, “You may not treat me this way.”

Understanding the dynamics of the 6 – 9 year old’s need to create and be OK with their independence can remove a little of the pressure from the parent. Allowing for independence to not be a bad thing fosters independent children. And I assure my daughter that she will be leaving me eventually but I will never leave her. I’ll be here for as long as she needs me. And hopefully, if we do this the right way now, the teen years will be amazing.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Mrs. Doing was Forced to Have a Seat

My old nickname used to be the Energizer Bunny. I like doing. I have valued myself for the amount of doing I get done and that’s the way I’ve coped with my stress (see industrial overfocused). And while it has worked for me that I made it through the holidays feeling pretty proactive and deserving of a few relaxation hours, I have been on a familiar treadmill during January with an obligation to coordinate a fundraising event in addition to my regular parenting band. And so I kept the relentless treadmill running in my head week after never-ending week. Until this past week when my body said “Your sick, have a seat.

As I laid there with my stomach demanding all of my attention to its achy knot riddled state, I really didn’t have any aspirations to do anything else but lay. I may have spent 15 minutes on my feet that day. And I was OK with that. Because I had done enough towards what needed to get done. And I would be well by the time my event rolled around. I was just having a seat. And that isn’t always a bad thing to be in a place of enough.How Mrs. Doing was Forced to Have a Seat on Shalavee.com

We all need a reset point. We have parties to celebrate transitions from one year’s being alive to the next. We have parties to celebrate marriages and graduations. These are all rests and markers before we continue. And I think we need to be very mindful of supplying ourselves with the same feelings of stop and rest and reflect in our more daily existence. Breaks in routing spark imagination.

It took me a few days to truly recover form the my stomach thing. Happily I may have lost another pound on my 2018 weight loss journey to fit back into my clothing. And there was truly nothing that I missed doing. My floors are still as dirty as they were before I got sick.How Mrs. Doing was Forced to Have a Seat on Shalavee.com

I was able to type while slumped in my chair and write a couple of blog posts but that was the extent of my productivity. I was truly OK with Mother Nature telling me to have a seat. And that would be a first. Maybe I’m not valuing myself as much for my measured successes but for the satisfaction of my soul? Or maybe I had a good enough head start. Either way, I feel well enough to continue. And soon this will all be a nightmare.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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