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Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice

Opinions are like noses, we all have them. But are we entitled and allowed to have them? If I find it hard to find a voice to express them, I may not feel I’m allowed to have an opinion in the first place.

As a woman, it can prove tough not to judge myself for what I have to say as necessary or valid as I’m considering actually saying it. Then I may choose to keep quiet. I have my own internal bouncer at the thought door checking the validity, wittiness, or profundity of my outgoing thoughts and opinions. And often, they’re just not making the cut as I am weighing them against unseen sources that must be way more clever and insightful than me.Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice on Shalavee.com

I’d like to stop doing that. I’ve spoken about how men don’t do that. But I have no experience valuing my voice. In my life, I removed the need for the approval I would get doing for others. Now I find myself dumbly staring at my life thinking, “What do I do this or that for then?”. Oh right. It’s for myself, my happiness, and my approval. Duh.Reprogramming the people pleasing is tough going.Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice on Shalavee.com

Perhaps it’s slightly a matter of faking this until I begin to reap the benefits. Saying and doing what I know is right anyway even if it won’t be met with a round of applause or approval. But maybe because I need to Hear myself saying it. Hear myself having an opinion, saying what I think, and ideally modelling what it is like to not be a doormat for my daughter. Because I want her to be entitled to her opinion and she will do what I do, not what I say. Mindfulness is the only way on and out my friends.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Incomplete, the Ignored, and the Undone

There is a lot of incomplete, ignored, and undone tasks hovering over my head. I come across a pile of stuff in my closet or attic or bookshelf and I think , I don’t have the time to deal with this. Then multiply this by 100 and I’m kinda a captive of all the uncompleted piles of stuff. A prisoner of my past, my intentions, and my stuff.

Years of living reactively, of not completely cleaning up after myself, and of not knowing what to value has led to a slight hoarding problem. I get it honest from my family. I began my reformation 10 years ago when I shut my shop down. My story is here. And as processes are just that, I still have much to let go of. The Incomplete, the ignored, and the undone on Shalavee.com

It’s never been about the stuff. The stuff represents who you think you are. Or who you used to think you were or who you think you might want to be. The stuff represents the tension and your confusion between these undecided upon possibilities. I have been very concertedly attempting to better decide on who I am. I’m a work in progress and process.

Meanwhile, I picked up Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up recently. I started in a little clearing some of my clothing and folding my shirts in my drawers so that you can see all of them in a row. Very satisfying and I completely love that your decision criteria to hold or let go of what you own depends on whether you love it. Quite simply, does it bring you happiness?

The theme that is emerging in my life is Happiness. That what doesn’t make you happy isn’t worth the space either in your head or on your shelf. If the memory that you have when you hold the object makes you happy then “heck yeah” you should hold on to it. But if it only brings you confusion or sadness, then letting it go is an act of kindness.The Incomplete, the ignored, and the undone on Shalavee.com

I know there’s a button making gizmo in a box at the top of my closet which we used to make pins and magnets with our picture on it as wedding favors 15 years ago. A button maker is a really cool thing to have but I have never needed it since. And the life-size cardboard stand up of Han Solo frozen in carbonite? That makes me enormously happy. It reminds me of a life changing moment in my life in the movie theater at the age of 14. And my kids can do whatever they want with it after I’m gone.

Sometimes, we have to allow for things to be undecided and incomplete until we have shifted and chosen something else. Until we know ourselves better. I know this and so I often leave stuff alone and undecided upon until this happens, until it becomes clear what I need to do with my opportunities. My tendency is to collect options but that can wear me out quickly. Too many options is as bad as none. So my intentions for the year are to move through my space, my possibilities, and my stuff with an awareness of my happiness, my benefits, and my abundance. Less to look at and deal with is less brain clutter too. And I need the space to make better choices on my happiness in other areas of my life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Fiona’s Fourth Birthday Bash

Today was Fiona’s fourth birthday party and it was a complete success, by her standards and mine. Yes, she got enough Frozen themed party paraphernalia and stuff to satisfy all Frozen itches for a decade. And I got to bask in the knowledge that me and my daughter matter to all these lovely people.birthday flowers on Shalavee.comFiona's 4th party on Shalaee.com

Fiona and Emma at the party on Shalavee.com

birthday girls on shalavee.com

The reason I go to such efforts to decorate and to heap yummy food on my kitchen table is a tribute to the love that these people have for and show me and my family. My gratitude runs very deeply. I am almost speechless but then, not quite, right?Frozen Birthday party cake by Steve Konapelski on Shalaee.com

Fiona and Emma at the party on Shalavee.com

Fiona and Emma at the party on Shalavee.com

birthday flowers on Shalavee.com

Aunts and Uncles, real and respected, grandmothers, cousins, neighbors, friends, and kin came to celebrate my miraculous daughter’s birth four years ago. And in a puff and a whoosh, it’s all done. Only a dirty kitchen, drooping streamers, and falling balloons to tell the tale. But we’ll remember this fondly for many years. Another year passed and another successful party.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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When Being at Home Can Happen Anywhere

My daily prayer is for a shift. Please let my mind shift to see me and my world and my potential differently today. To value what I have and what I know with respect and reverence. I leave the house hoping to break my “same brain”. And I do for a little while driving or shopping. And then I return home and I feel the inevitable slip back into my rut.

In the light of the upcoming birthday party and having guests over, I am doing some home renovations. Throw a party and you’ll make progress. My hallway is getting a long overdue facelift. 2 gallons and two quarts of paint later, the hallway is completely different. And while I am feeling thrilled and empowered with this change, I also have simultaneously discovered the home and safe passage I am looking for is nowhere I can physically touch. The home I truly seek is within me.When being at home can happen anywhere on Shalavee.com

Whether in my heart or in my soul, the safety and comfort I’m seeking is inside of me. It’s the comfort of a place where I can trust being me. It is the safety of knowing that I will not allow anyone to mistreat or disrespect me here. Trust in myself is like the biggest most comfortable couch to lounge on. You either own it or you don’t.

Although I do think the change in my abode will do me a world of good, the courage for the change is coming from a change inside of me. 12 years ago I renovated a house down the street and made it my shop. I boldly painted the floor there and loved it. Today I took the chance again and painted the floor of my home and I love it again. Go figure.When being at home can happen anywhere on Shalavee.com

I had to toss out some of the same fears that I always had about painting wooden floors and just had to do it to make me happy. I am certain that, in this same way, I need to just plow over some of my fears about success that keep me stuck. The fears need to be renovated or tossed because they have kept me staring at the same ugly uncomfortable couch for far too long. I’d rather sit on the floor with some nice throw pillows than feel the burden and dread of that same old seat on that smelly old fear couch. What would you do to be your own hero today?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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My Children are the Bully and the Terrorist

It’s conflicting to be a parent. They are of me but not mine. I need to be open and honest for them to trust me. But I need to keep a safe distance when they have to work out who they are because sometimes, that work is at my expense. Frankly, my children will bully me to get their needs met. They’ll be disrespectful but only to me. It’s business, not personal. They’re working themselves out and I’ve got the bruises to prove it.

My son’s a bully when he wants more screen time or when he needs food because he’s suddenly starving. And my daughter is a terrorist. It may be emotional terrorism but its exhausting just the same. I wrote about suffering from post traumatic toddler disorder here. She actually cries at me when she has a need. It can be manipulative and it’s part of her survival arsenal.

For me, there’s such a fine balance between being available for them constantly and being vulnerable to burn out. Unless my children are physically not in the house with me, I am never off duty. And they are very entitled to have their needs met. I do draw a line when their needs are encroaching on my needs. But even Miss Sassafras still busts in the bathroom while I’m on the potty despite my protests.

Last week I made a new “chores, expectations, and rewards” chart for my son. The holidays had him spoiled with the amount of screen time he was getting. And without boundaries, he had begun to come at me, pestering me and continually asking me for more time like a true junkie until he hoped I relented.

These new boundaries are now on paper and not up to me. He has an allotted amount of time and if he runs over, it eats into the next play time. He can earn more time by additional chores. But currently the only option for more screen time is raking and he hates that.My Children are the bully and the terrorist on Shalavee.com

Dinner prep in the kitchen is often the worst time for me to be bullied and terrorized. My son, after unplugging, suddenly found himself excruciatingly hungry and badgered me so badly that he was banned from the kitchen. And the rest of the night, my husband had to do negotiations to get my son to apologize to me. Fiona has been known to come at me while my hands are covered with dinner prep badgering me for fruit roll-ups and then crying at me when I deny her. Hunger can make people do crazy mean things.

I understand our collective humanity and how our inner toddlers have needs that they need fulfilled right freaking now. It is survival in process. But I also know that I am the last boundary standing between them and those needs sometimes. I try very hard to not take their disrespect personally but I would do myself and them an injustice if I didn’t stand my ground on what methods are acceptable to get your needs met. The battle will continue I fear but hopefully, in the end, I’ll win the war of raising nice children.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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