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My Empty Box Method

When I had to shut my business down (See the post about Bally Eden) and bring the contents of my shop home, all my stuff ended up in boxes piled to the ceiling of the garage. I advertised a yard sale and set to work sorting through my stuff. And what I realized yet again, was that your plan needs an empty box or space to sort into. When you have one foot nailed to the ground, it’s an sign that you may need to open up a new space to sort and move you and your thoughts into. So I cleared a corner and placed empty boxes there and began.

I am moving into a different space of possibilities. Like an empty box I put there in my brain so that I could move my thoughts on and sort them into. The shift was from impossibility to probability. And the room opened up. There’s more room to work with. There’s comfortable spots to have a seat with myself and intuit my next step.My Empty Box Method on Shalavee.com

When I have an auto-fearful thought, I challenge its validity, I write it out in my journal, I call a friend, and I engage in compassion and creativity hard to not let that thought become the thought/feeling/action triangle that shuts me down.

When I see that I am drowning in too many possibilities and too many options, I am taking time to sort through and put aside what I can’t do now. And question what I think I should do as opposed to what I want to do. And I’m packing this stuff away in boxes. Because sometimes just letting something sit for a while and returning to it later can provide enough perspective to know exactly what to do with it.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control

At my daughter’s school, the children’s behavior is monitored daily by a stoplight inspired grading system. If you’ve behaved yourself , you get on a green status. If you received a warning, its yellow. And a bad choice will get you to red status and probably get you sent to a principal’s waiting room, or maybe that’s just what I remember. But the most insipid of all is the purple. Because that represents better than good behavior and it’s all my daughter seems to want. To be the good girl.

When she’s at school, she thinks she needs to make sure that she is liked and fits in so no one votes her off the island. But the minute she’s off the bus and in my company, she let’s it all hang out mostly to our mutual detriment. Six-year-olds are immense people-pleasers and they are also control freaks. So she is trying to get a purple so hard everyday that I think it’s sending her over the edge when she doesn’t get it.Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control on Shalavee.com

So this morning, after another night and day of not so stellar choices and listening, we missed our bus for the first time ever. And as I drove her to school, I started to realize and discuss with her how striving for that purple might be messing with her. And that perhaps, she could just go ahead and be the sweet kind and helpful little gal that she always is and that when she was rewarded with the purple as she often seems to be especially on Fridays, she could be surprised and happy.

Teach her to reject likeability.

Her job is not to make herself likeable,

her job is to be her full self…”

–Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie–

The Good Girl programming is a little pervasive and creepy. That we as girls are taught to be mindful of others’ expectations and needs instead of rewarded for being kind people and taking care of ourselves in marvelous caring ways, is just society’s flaw. But let us as parents try to counteract these expectations by encouraging them to be proud of just who they are and not what they do. And to care for themselves with the same compassion and effort as they are asked to give to others.Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control on Shalavee.com

Purple is a beautiful color to earn. Especially if you can enjoy it just because it is the way life made you and your day based on the choices you made with integrity and joy.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Loving Your Inner Daughter

About a month ago, my therapist and I were discussing the constant upset that my daughter seems to experience. And she stressed the fact that I needed to encourage my daughter to comfort herself. That knowing that you can be there for you and love yourself through to feeling better is the first step in empowering her and making sure she doesn’t seek out other methods of comfort for quelling the pain. When I discussed being there for yourself with my daughter, she referred to it as having a Body Buddy. That she came up with the phrase made me feel she may have a head start on understanding this self-love concept. This entity is definitely your inner daughter.

In a conversation the other day with Fiona, she began to count all the people that she knew loved me. She said she and her brother loved me. And Daddy loved me. And I loved me, right? And maybe for half of a second, I considered the validity of that, but I didn’t miss a beat when I said “Yes”. Because it’s what I said right then that will model how she should treat and regard herself in the future. If there were one thing I would want to give her, it would be self-love and self-trust. And so, I must model it for her.Loving Your Inner Daughter on Shalavee.com

My therapist asked how I feel and what I do when someone gives me a compliment. While I know I will say thank you, I don’t know that the compliment will go deep. Because it seems I am so very skeptical of the validity and the source, I will dismiss it. Seems that it was always safer to dismiss the good stuff this way. So when the bad stuff came, I wasn’t too far off the path. But I can admit that now, this approach may not be serving me very well anymore. It’s a coping mechanism or habit that is keeping me from getting some very important needs met. It’s an outdated mode that needs updating.

Mainly it seems that not only do our inner children need playtime, they also need someone to tell them what a good job they did. Or how pretty they look. Or that they matter enough to be noticed. If you think that you are no longer a 6-year-old, think again. Inside you is a very vulnerable active and needy child. It’s just a fact. And the moment I realized that, I started to shift. Because the quality of a parent as I am to my inner 6-year-old will be the quality of a parent I am to my daughter. You cannot avoid treating your inner and outer children both the same.Loving Your Inner Daughter on Shalavee.com

Loving yourself is a choice. My choice to bully and berate myself has never gotten me any further down the road to achieving my goals. And it certainly wouldn’t be how I would want anyone to ever treat my daughter. So, I am setting an intention to speak firmly but kindly to my inner 6-year-old in the hopes that I can feel my perspective shift a little more. And as I increase the self-trust, fear can not be the governing force in my soul and my purposeful existence.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Few Thoughts On Mother’s Day

All-consuming, persistent, relentless, and unforgiving. Motherhood is 365 days per year of these and many more words, flattering and not. One day to recognize all of this feels cheesy. But then Christmas feels all too short to celebrate our oneness with Gratitude and salvation.

We’ll be celebrating more Mother’s day next weekend as my husband had to work this weekend. And honestly, the kids are cute and smart but they’ll only take as much initiative as they’re told to when it comes to Mother recognition. So my thought is, we as mothers and women who devote themselves to people and causes, we need to stop and make sure we thank ourselves too.My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Stop and check in and make sure that everything you give is also coming back to yourself. Do you appreciate you and your efforts? Are you proud of yourself and go willingly on to your next task? Because if you feel resentful, there’s some chats you may need to have with you and maybe a talking doctor about those feelings.

 

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas

 

My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Children don’t have to always be grateful. They did not ask to be born and will eventually own the ability to appreciate us. In the meantime, we hold them with grace and understanding and we model and encourage their gratitude with the faith that one day, they will be brimming with it. And we treat ourselves with the kindnesses and grace of life that our beautiful birth mothers gave us. And that our own inner mothers continue to gift us.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why Make the Effort?

When you don’t feel you are worth it, like the effort to go to the doctor or make those changes to your diet or get more education for a better paying job, why and who you are making the effort for may be your key to motivation.

You don’t value yourself enough for the effort?

So be it.Why Make the Effort? on Shalavee.com

But if you have children, their needs for your best You always trump everything.

Your why is always your key to getting your life done. And if you have kids, they are a bigger why than we even realize. They are witnessing everything that we do and say. They are watching, learning, and emulating the way we treat ourselves. And if they see us disregarding our bodies, allowing our boundaries to be bulldozed, and generally treating ourselves as if we are not worth it… they will do the same to themselves.

It’s a fact Jack.

“Do as I say not as I do” are the old rotted roots plunged into and holding onto these behaviors.Why Make the Effort? on Shalavee.com

But how can you tell your children they are the best thing since sliced bread and then discredit the source of this compliment by allowing yourself to be treated as less.

The number one reason to value yourself is the shadow you cast. You are not as invisible as you think. When they try to bully me, I stand up for myself to my children for this reason alone. Because I want them to remember that I valued myself and my time enough to say not now. And I always keep my word to them and myself that my word is always true and valuable. I trust that I am strong for all of us until they are too.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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