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What Do You Do All Day Mommy?

She asked me this question when we were waiting in the car rider drop-off line at school. What do I do all day? I told her that I was going to exercise and that when I get home I have to do household chores and writing. And then come back and pick her up at 2:30. That’s 5 ½ hours to do as much as I can. She said that sounded like a lot, bless her heart.

Because my work does not compensate me, it may seem less worthy than someone earning a paycheck in a “real” job. But what I can tell you is that you couldn’t pay me enough for the work I do. The abuse I take from that same near 8 year-old exhausts me. Hauling laundry, cat litter, and recycling up and down stairs isn’t very glamorous. I went into uncompensated waste management.

It saddens me that we stay at home Moms are still looking at ourselves as “less than”people. As if what we do is a default job because we weren’t good enough for anything else. But this is a very patriarchal view because this job is the backbone of every country. I’d say men pee their pants if they experienced the distress we are under to which they often add to with their own needs. Unless these same men didn’t want or help to create those children, we’re in it 50/50 for keeping them safe and cared for. Money earning isn’t the most important job.

It saddens me even more that women would be so quick to disregard themselves and not ask for the respect and honor for this job of keeping the seams of the country stitched together. The future of our country is the toddler in diapers and the angry teen. Refusing to acknowledge that families need special care and love dooms our next generation to their entitled anger for emotional abandonment. I will fight with and for my children by showing up for them until they can fly by themselves. And I’ll ask for their respect in return.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living? Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

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I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

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Grow Where You Are Planted

After nearly a year of feeling the pinch of our collective sequestering, l’ve come to understand my ultimate importance.

I maintain my family and I care for myself.

The normalcy and the creativity are my realms.

We all need both of these to keep our sanity.

To feel that everything’s Okay in our tiny world but to also express our uniqueness.

To hear and feel ourselves getting in touch with our own inner voices.

That is what grounds me. Keeps me. Spurns me onward.

Because this isn’t about product.

This beautiful life we have a chance to live every day is about process.

And from a solid inspirational process comes products that exceed expectations.

Keep on Keeping on lovely people and honor yourselves for the lives you get to yet live.

Grow where you are planted.

 

Interested in reading my future thoughts on Creative Soul Living?

Enter your name into the subscription box in the sidebar to the right and subscribe to my bi-weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to view my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

I love community, soulful candid conversation, and being in touch.

And as always, thank you for your visit.

Self-Care, the Next Phase

Self-care is a multi-layered endeavor. Brushing your teeth, taking pills, and exercising are all basic bodily care practices that when we are new mothers, seem to be more than we can manage. But eventually we get those done too. I have taken the past twenty years to really delve into taking care of my mental health. To this end, I’ve had a therapist I see regularly, I’ve scheduled procedures to take care of the aches and pains in my body that weren’t normal, and I finally asked for an anti-anxiety medicine prescription.

I ask myself what else do I need to do to let me know I’m taking care of me? My inner child has begun to trust me and understand that even those things I really don’t feel like doing will make me feel better about myself soon enough. With the pandemic uprooting our family routines, I lost a bit of my self care rituals to fear. I had just begun to lose some unwanted weight, feeling pleased with myself, when lockdown happened. And I ended up putting that back on and then some. And the children being at home completely messed with any of my schedules to create and write for myself regularly.Self-Care, the Next Phase on Shalavee.com

So I began again. I asked to double up on my anti-anxiety meds. I spoke to my therapist about how I was refusing to let go of the clothing that didn’t fit in my closet but that made me unhappy. And she encouraged me to give myself permission to be where I was and how I was at this very moment. Which was enough for me to begin the next phase of my self care.

I cleared the closet out. One box of too small, next Fall clothes was made. Several bags of see ya’ later alligators were made. And a hopeful Spring/Summer set of clothing for 20 pounds lighter was stored into a chest of drawers.Self-Care, the Next Phase on Shalavee.com

There was something going on that I was doing in all the closets. I was letting go of things that no longer pertained to me or benefitted me. Old camcorders and snowpants, arm braces and shoes that no longer had a use were pitched without a thought. It was like I was tossing anchors that tied me to a past that I no longer was living. And on this purge’s heels, I came to another conclusion. There were people that I had previously said yes to that I needed to now say no to. I said no to volunteering realizing that I’d never have done that if the pandemic hadn’t shown me how I really wanted to live : without hurry and scurry. And I said no to taking care of my Mother in the way that became a deficit for me and felt as if I was being taken for granted.

I got my mammogram/booby squash. I got a shot for my trigger finger. I got my hair professionally dyed which felt like the best big-girl decision I have made in a long time because it looks amazing and it thickened my hair back up. I look like a rockstar in the morning and I love it. Then I went to get a procedure done and was tossed out of the operating room for high blood pressure. I thanked them for not killing me and I am on both medicine and and getting treated for the trauma with EMDR to desensitize me to the blood pressure cuff. And I am now doing the Noom food and psychology program which is exactly the way that I’m going to be able to use my brain to get through losing this weight and maintaining the weight loss further on.Self-Care, the Next Phase on Shalavee.com

And lastly I have begun to create and recognize my creativity since day one of 2021. I believe the number one medicine to cure what mentally ails is to create regularly. I am involved in the 100 Day Project creating pictures on 4 x 4 paper with watercolor pencils daily until sometime in April. And I am committed to writing blog posts twice a week. These changes have been gradual and I notice how much more confident I feel. I refuse to ask my kids to have permission to parent them. I work through the resistance around doing things and find the joy. And I am grateful to have the foresight and the skills to take care of myself well enough to model it for my children.

I hope that by describing all of this, others can take inspiration and hope from my self-care practices that are a little deeper and more necessary that just getting a pedicure. Speaking of which, I need to do that as well !

Interested in reading my future thoughts on Creative Soul Living?

Enter your name into the subscription box in the sidebar to the right and subscribe to my bi-weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to view my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

I love community, soulful candid conversation, and being in touch.

And as always, thank you for your visit.

Emerging from the New Year’s Lull

I am considering how to emerge from the “Lull”. I’ve been working on so much behind the scenes and in my head. Caught up in the doing and not the showing and telling. Coming to terms with, acknowledging, establishing, understanding, and claiming my inner and outer worlds.

I always struggle with what is important enough or necessary enough to share. I would tell you anything but where to start? Where to put your attention and my energy?

The answer is somewhere, anywhere. Because if you wait until you create the perfect online plan or platform to start, you’ll have waited too long. It’ll be 5 years from now and you’ll regret every painful moment that’s passed as you allowed fear to make your living choices for you. Emerging from the New Year's Lull on Shalavee.com

Kick him right out of the driver’s seat, thank him for his input, tell him you’ll take his alarming edicts into consideration, and speed down the woman’s way highway. So this is me putting some metal down.

I’ve got #OurCreativeJanuary wrapping up. I’ll be starting The 100 Day Project on January 31st. See the100dayproject.org for more information or reference this blog post.

I’m taking a break from aiding my Mom because frankly her lack of gratitude and perpetual pushing away began to feel abusive. I’ve been expected to show up for her all of my life by both of us. Maybe I don’t need to be so swell.Emerging from the New Year's Lull on Shalavee.com

The word has just come in that my daughter is going back to school next week so this provides a huge relief in terms of space and quiet for me to create. She’s still my hat at home.

And I’ve begun a weight loss journey to bring myself back to a place I recognize and admire myself. Using some different psychological techniques via Noom and it’s OK.

I am also committing to showing up on my blog every Tuesday as I still am working on my blog revamp. I feel like it needs to have a soft launch by March 1st. We’ll now see won’t we? I am intending to come back to posting Tuesdays and Fridays here again . Have begun to warm my engine up.

 

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living? Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Sharing Our Space and Our Lives

I had a birthday visit from my oldest today. She’s a surrogate daughter, an adopted sister soul to our family. And she spoke of feeling that need to have a nesting partner. That next chapter where you feel the need to share your space with someone and your DNA with the world.

I have always been a nester. And there was no one worthy of doing this with me until I met my husband. I knew he’d value the fathering job as much as I honored the idea of mothering. But Boy Howdee, sharing constant space with these mooks for nearly a year has been a challenge.

I abhor visual chaos. It was how I grew up. So living with a teenager has become a battle against the chaos. A recent discussion about rules restriction and entitlement had me write this.

Your privilege leaves a small wake of chaos behind you. Waste and messy spaces do not look like honor and respect of yourself, your home, or the people you share it with. When you regularly forget chores, your disregard for how it affects others could be remedied if you were aware your choices always affect others.”Sharing Our Space and Our Lives on Shalavee.com

My constant presence in the house has somehow substantiated my function as constant maid and waitress. And while I don’t mind doing for others, the moment it is expected and taken for granted is the moment I’m unwilling to continue.

This parenting and marriage thing is a perpetual process. As I learn to respect myself more and learn I’m entitled to both parent and set boundaries, it does get slightly easier. I do see glimmers of hope when I hear thank you’s and pleases without prompting. But being responsible for 21 meals per week is exhausting. No not all of them are going to be healthy.

And when this is all over, I’ll be glad to have “time to myself”. But meanwhile I grab the time I can to write and event plan Christmas. And I endeavor to be honest with myself and my family about what’s getting on my nerves. And what I need to have happen to make it stop.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living?Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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