search
top
Currently Browsing: Daily Shalagh

Follow the Breadcrumbs of Self-Care

This past month, I amped up the volume on self-care. Something shifted that said it’s time to do more to show myself I care about me. So I did.

 

Used to be when I went in to get my pedicure, I’d consider getting other services done but I’d talk myself right out of them. I didn’t need to spend that money. But this month, I not only waited for the gal I like to be free for my pedicure, I also asked to have my eyebrows waxed and to have her give me a manicure as well. And not any old manicure, a gel one that would last. It’s called pampering and not something I’m good at.

 

In a similar mindset, I realized that I was going to have to think bigger and badder on the subjects of my joint and sinus problems. So I went to see my physician and he agreed on my follow-up thoughts and wrote me a script for the CT scan I’ll have to get for my sinuses. Because when it comes to physical ailments, there are two things I know. Ailments just don’t just go away. And if you keep following up and pursuing your care, eventually you will get the results you want. Or results that you’ll be able to bear.

 

I went ahead and jumped back into Weight Watchers for a three-month time period hoping to shed the re-earned pounds from Christmas. Because I really liked when I could fit into my Capri pants last Summer.

 

How you treat yourself is how other people will treat you

 

And because I have worked so hard and making progress in my mental health goals, I have finally chosen to drop down to once a month visit with my beloved therapist now. The goals which I had set, I have met. And my shift is sort of stunning. Therapist said that my number one shining achievement was becoming more independent and less codependent.

 

 

If you keep following the breadcrumbs to your health and well-being,

you will eventually be well again.

 

See, nothing changes unless you change it. And the bigger goals won’t get accomplished until the basic needs get taken care of (see Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). So a better job or a more fulfilling personal relationship will be out of the question and out of reach until you tell yourself you are worth all the effort to begin with. If you keep following the breadcrumbs to your health and well-being, you will eventually be well again. Following up, going back, rescheduling, and then going all the way with the prescribed plan, even when it’s scary, are how you become well in the end.

 

The other truth that I now completely understand is that, how you treat yourself is how other people will treat you. So if I treat me with care and respect, so will the world. I’d say the price of a manicure and a doctor’s visit are worth all of that. Now for those braces.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Let’s Pretend To Know What Happiness Feels Like

I spent such a huge part of my life feeling dread and misery that in the beginning of this whole life overhaul journey, I had to believe happiness wasn’t some BS made up Disney emotion. And then I had to figure out if I was worth this lovely gift. And when I finally decided that maybe I was, what does happiness feel like for me?

 

Since childhood, each of us has developed an entire dossier on our own happiness. Some items stem from the musings of a three-year-old, like chocolate for every meal and Daddy and Mommy getting back together. Some are American ideals like white picket fences and skinny bodies. But some may be so precious, we may never have even spoken them. Let's Pretend To Know What Happiness Feels Lik

 

My arting and writing were two activities I denied myself to a painful point. But since I’ve been allowing for their regular expression, I can say that my happiness is truly dependent on these. Although I was dubious about marriage and children, I have come to discover that there are many more layers of wonder there than meet the eye.

 

Money and fame are extrinsic rewards that hold no glamour for me. Happiness is an intrinsic goal. However, Where I once shut down the possibility of making money and gaining any credit, I am beginning to open up to the concept that they are on a necessary pathway to the next steps of creativity and self-exploration.

For me, happiness is about being present in my life. If I’m doing something, I want to be OK with being there doing that. And if I can’t be, then I need to go about changing stuff and making choices so that I never need to feel that way again. Trusting myself to confidently sort through my life’s decisions has been one of the most rewarding accomplishments.Let's Pretend To Know What Happiness Feels Lik

Happiness is about being with my kids and not being impatient with them because I think I have somewhere else to be (except maybe making their dinner). It’s about getting exercise, sleeping well, and cooking yummy food. And my ultimate happiness is to spend time with friends yapping and laughing and drinking a nice bottle of wine. Everything else is a plus happy. I’ve spent a lifetime fishing to feel what happiness felt like. I am making it up as I go and learning that not only do I deserve it and that it’s possible to be happy, but instead of buying into what others tell me should make me happy, I get to decided what makes me truly happy.

What makes you truly happy? Being surrounded by a certain color or immersed in a smell or sound? A certain place on earth? Tell me in the comments please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

Save

We’re Fighting For Family Unity

Got together with my friend Karen and as we’re talking about our recent endeavors and priorities, she mentions prioritizing her family “being together”. She felt her family needed some sort of activity that all family members could participate together in. And I thought, Wow, both of us are fighting for family time.

 

On the way home from Baltimore on Easter, I told my mother-in-law that there just isn’t a single picture of my nuclear family together. We really didn’t ever exist. We children were conceived and born in California but by the time I was 6 months and we moved to Maryland, there was a new career for my Dad and we we’re no longer a family. Not the kind that is important enough to fight for and hold on to above and beyond all other things. Our family life dissolved slowly and painfully. Like many children, I was a scrap of their misbegotten marriage.

We're Fighting For Family Unity on Shalavee.com

Because of my experience, I am actively and consciously making sure that my children know they belong to something stronger and more stable than they are. I am intentionally making moments and legacy for them that they will weave into their life stories. And I guarantee those won’t suck half as much as mine did.

 

We went to the Salisbury, Maryland Zoological Park on the Tuesday after Easter. We stopped at our favorite diner on the way down where my children were marvelously behaved. We rolled through the Toys R Us to exchange a doubled birthday present and both got a new toy. And we rolled back into town with a big old family memory win. My husband and I even thanked our children for their wonderful behavior.

We're Fighting For Family Unity on Shalavee.com

I am making it up as I go along. But I also believe that if you lead with intention and intuition, you can do a good job of weaving a life that you like and maybe love. And those little beings I birthed from my very own body are so worth the effort.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

 

Save

Save

Question Your Own Authority

I think I was washing a window last week when I suddenly had a thought. Why was it that I had all these absolutes and edicts about the way things should be. Every task needs to be a certain way or else… And I realized, I need to question my own authority more often.

 

The absolutes and the edicts have been created by your survival brain. There are certain things I need to be certain to do or else… people won’t like me. If I don’t achieve this fantasy best, I won’t get my tasks done fast enough and I’ll miss something. Or I won’t find my life’s purpose soon enough. They’re laws I’ve made up about living successfully and I’m not even aware of them. Until I suddenly feel my anxiety rising.

Question Your Own Authority on Shalavee.com

Because absolutes and edicts only tend to make me more nervous and doubtful achieving that specific ideal outcome. Every carefully considered action has an “Or Else” clause threatening to ruin my life more than it always seems to be anyway. And I suddenly realized that is such crap. Why am I allowing that mindset to run my daily happiness? Since when do all the little things govern the bigger picture? Sometimes Good Enough is Good Enough.

Sometimes Good Enough is Good Enough

Question Your Own Authority on Shalavee.com

Growing up, I was such a punk. I constantly questioned authority just like I was supposed to. So why would it be any different to question these scripts in my head that no longer serve me?  

 

So the next time I have a “should attack” followed by that slight angsty feeling, I’m gonna stop dead and find out what the source of it is. I’m gonna question my authority and see if the smoke and mirrors disappear. Because how I feel my life is going is how my life is going.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

Giving up the Ghost of the Ideal Mother

In a conversation with a woman friend recently, she blurted out that she wished she could be done with all the burdens of being a mother. She wants her life and her time back. She wants to feel entitled to say no to the demands of mothering and yes to herself. And I felt what is very familiar and similar to this. Giving up the ghost of the Ideal Mother on Shalavee.com

We’re trying to outdo the parenting job that our (divorced) parents did and this is where our expectations of what a “good” parent enters the exhausting and unreasonable equation. My single working Mom hadn’t been there to cook me breakfast or be home when I got home from school. So of course these are things I say “sure” to. Even though my children aren’t asking me and I’m asking these things of myself. Because no one but us would ask us to do all that for the sake of our kids. Only we would.

Somehow we’ve formed this ideal edict that sacrificing our needs for the “good” of the children was the way “better” parenting works. Except it’s not. In fact, it’s effects are the opposite if you wanted to model self-compassion and a reasonable life expectations to your children. You’ll end up raising mini-martyrs if you model ignoring yourself.Giving up the ghost of the Ideal Mother on Shalavee.com

In all the self-help manuals for motherhood, I don’t remember reading any chapters on how to neglect yourself to be a better parent. The resentment that many of us have begun to feel around motherhood is really us telling ourselves that we feel resentful of our ridiculous ideals but we don’t know how to back out of them. Balance requires equal amounts of energy dispersed. I won’t mind making those blueberry buttermilk pancakes this weekend if I also know I’ve got a special lunch and a wine-tasting book ending those pancakes for this coming Mother’s Day weekend. Woo hoo!

Happy Mother’s Day to All of you Mamas out there for

keeping all of us alive and happy!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit

« Previous Entries

top