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Currently Browsing: Daily Shalagh

Our Parents and Ourselves

Anne Lamott said “Write as if your parents are dead.” In an attempt to save people from your truth, you censor yourself from writing about your pain. This pain has made you you and may have been caused by them. And this mutes your most important story. And now Their Shames have become yours. You were made complicit to their crimes against themselves and to you. If you tell, you’ll be bad. Ungrateful. Naughty.

She added, this, “Remember that you own what happened to you. If your childhood was less than ideal, you may have been raised thinking that if you told the truth about what really went on in your family, a long bony white finger would emerge from a cloud and point to you, while a chilling voice thundered, “We *told* you not to tell.” But that was then. Just put down on paper everything you can remember now about your parents and siblings and relatives and neighbors, and we will deal with libel later on.”

I say, let them sue me. I’ve got nothing left to lose. I’m not that close to my parents. Is my debt payed off. Or do I have to keep the shame silence to their grave and then tell all.

I hardly ever speak about my family. Once when I did, I got calls from both of them to let me know they did not appreciate being spoken of. Even if what I said was true, that’s not what we do. And I got another call out from my Aunt blasting me for my lack of gratitude. I’ve been given so much, that should buy my devotion and silence.

I feel my heart ache when I read stories about people who are close to their parents. Who grieve the loss of their parent as a piece of themselves leaving the earth. I feel for and admire them for their grief. Perhaps I should say envy them.Our Parents and Ourselves on Shalavee.com

Maybe Anne Lamott had self-involved parents too.  I have yet to delve into her works as much as I might like. Got busy birthing a baby right around the time when women start their introspective reading journeys in earnest. 

I am trying my hardest to make sure that my daughter and son both know I love and support them, that what they seek in the world is both out there and inside them. I am just a cheerleader. It’s about them not me. Khalil Gibran’s poem ‘Children’ says it all:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite.
And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hands be for happiness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So He loves the bow that is stable.

Do your best and let go of the rest. If you’re not helping, you’re hurting. And do unto others…

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living?Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

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I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Low Self-Worth and Capitalism are Causing You to Do

We live in a society where lack of self-worth has become an epidemic. Low self-esteem is the new black. Most of us have come to believe in our inherent worthless and how we have to work hard, be successful, popular, attractive, healthy, wealthy, and be in control to earn worth.

When we were babies, we knew our worth. All that adulation was as it should be. But as we grow up, we become unaware of our true, unlimited worth. We forgot? It was systematically drained from us as we grew.

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon! ”

– William Wordsworth –

We’re convinced that in order to regain this worth, we not only have to earn it, we have to buy it. Our cars and our houses and our children’s accomplishments are proof of our worth. What you believe in me has now become my unobtainable goal.

Capitalism has become our new religion and we’ve sacrificed our selves.

Just a reminder for the next time you are feeling unworthy; reach in your heart and remember everyone has equal worth on this planet when they were born. And somehow, that truly doesn’t diminish. And if after you have reminded yourself of this, you still need a little shopping therapy at Target, so be it.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living?Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self-care Sunday Thoughts

The rain has finally stopped and the blue skies are filled with cartoon exhaust clouds. My son’s friends are all happily yelling at the video game they are playing.

The smell of chili and banana bread permeate the house. Am trying to squelch the pain of my SI joint which has returned with Ibuprofen. And I’m trying to figure how best to continue engage in the impossible task of getting my Mother out of her house.

It keeps coming back to this. I wake in the morning and wonder what is the next best thing. I want to get her to where I can be nearby when inevitable disaster happens. I want to remove her from the hell she has created for herself. Of course, it’s the allure to save her. The same allure that had me dating and marrying my first husband. Dangerous booby trapped terrain that can never truly be traversed.Self-care Sunday Thoughts on Shalavee.com

Just like back in the beginning of the Coronavirus lockdown, my self-care has slipped. I haven’t exercised in a while. My writing time is non-existent. I finally dyed my white hair roots and felt immensely better. How do all of life’s details fall on the shoulders of the womenfolk? But in the shadow of seeing the state of my mom’s house, I’m even more hyper aware of the mess in my own home.

All I can do, as I’ve been saying, is to do the next right thing. Prioritize myself. Sorry that you feel that way but I need to do this for me. Stay connected to my communities and schedule some creative time.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Ah Do Do Do, Ah Da Da Da, S’all I Want to Say to You

Am I doing it right?

I dunno.

Am I doing it anyway, Yup!

This week is filled with anticipation of Autumn and all the cleaning and doing projects that seem to accompany the break in hot weather. Home and garden maintenance and cleaning. The windows look horrid. The bought potted perennials need planting. Things need painting.

The littlest child is returning to school on Thursday. Seems no one died from the virus this week in Maryland. She will be masked and I will be driving her to school. But it gives me some hope that this will all be a nightmare sooner than later. I need that space and time back in my days. She needs the connection with her people.

Ah Do Do Do, Ah Da Da Da, S'all I Want to Say to You on Shalavee.com

Mark and my wedding anniversary is today. We’ll hope to celebrate it this weekend. And then his birthday is coming. So much to be grateful for in these weird times.

I’ve been doing better with an anxiety med adjustment and am hoping to have great things come to fruition before the new year. There’s a bump I need to get over.

I am happily redecorating and replacing some pieces with new inexpensive finds and feel that this season will reflect a lot of positive change for all of us.

We just have to plant the seeds of hope.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Reframe Your Slow: By Choice or By Force ?

Two women I know from my online community, and for whom I have great respect, both spoke in their newsletters about how they felt twitchy about feeling slowed down and awaiting things. The global trend to embrace the slow life as a way of living sounds so lovely but it’s a whole other thing to feel forced to slow down. Anna Lovind, the teacher of my Creative Doer course, said,

I find it incredibly frustrating to not be able to create swift change the way I’m used to. But maybe slow is what I can handle right now”.

Reframe Your Slow: By Choice or By Force ? on Shalavee.com

To have children who’s needs you have to negotiate and to be in search of a new home are real stress factors that she and many people have to deal with on top of global pandemic problems. Honoring where we are will help us move on.

Michelle GD of Michellegd.com was speaking about impatiently awaiting her cosmos flowers to bloom. And when they finally did, she pondered,

“I feel like there’s some kind of message for me, tucked into these late-blooming cosmos. Some message about allowing for surprises, or maybe a message about being patient. Though what if the feathery cosmos stalks hadn’t ever bloomed?? Well, I think the message would be the same: allowing for surprises, or maybe being patient. Also, maybe there isn’t a message.”

The messages are what we translate them to be. And if deep down we wish for more patience and more space to think and create, we need to honor that. That might be slowing down we need to do for ourselves that has nothing to do with the outside world. This whisper may speak to honoring our being instead of our doing.

Reframe Your Slow: By Choice or By Force ? on Shalavee.com

Michelle ended her newsletter with this quote,

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.” –Alice Walker–

Expectations will mess with you every time. But there’s one thing I have discovered from my slowed down life: you have to plant the seed for the idea or project or plant to grow. It may grow on it’s own terms but it needs to be started and nurtured. Life is born of intention.

You have to plant the seed and nurture it with hope for it to grow at all.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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