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Currently Browsing: Daily Shalagh

Permission to Be A Changed You

I was reminded of, or perhaps gifted, a thought today by a wise online connection, Anna Lovind. She said, “I am the person who is allowed to change. I don’t owe anyone consistency. I don’t need to be faithful to what I used to be (unless I want to).”

We owe no one, not even ourselves any explanations of who we are and what we are choosing and how we are acting and how we are changing. Change is hard enough as it is without throwing it on the mercy of the acceptance of others. Being human means we can decide to be someone different everyday we wake.

I just thought you may be able to use this permission this week. Some of us have tough inner critics. Some of us have tough outer critics.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze

I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope.

These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that keeps me feeling like a rat in someone’s fear test.

The opposite of feeling fear is feeling self-trust. Today I laughed out loud when I thought, “no wonder I didn’t trust myself for a while. My behavior that started this landslide in November was unreliable”. Duh. But my child isn’t trusting my child. Where’s my adult in this equation ? Doesn’t she know she’s in charge?

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze on Shalavee.com

I haven’t felt I had a good footing on what I am happy to offer and what I want to work on until recently. But what I have begun to feel is a hope bubble forming. A space where I am beginning to want things again. A place where the what ifs are beginning to bloom.

Grief, if that is what I went through, takes time and a lot of energy to process. Sorting out the truth of the tale from the falsehoods and letting go of what feels wrong and doesn’t serve me is what I think I’ve been doing. It takes as long as it takes and I am glad to be going through this with the kindness and compassion of so many friends and witnesses here online and at home. Thank You if you’re still reading .

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Shame about the Gain

I woke up this morning in a mad at myself mood. I felt shame. I felt shame about my shame. Today was the day that I was going to cancel my Weight Watchers subscription. Because I would have been doing it for 2 months and lost my holiday weight. The weight ‘d allowed myself to gain because I knew I could do Weight Watchers! But I’m the one who gained weight on Weight Watchers!


Yup. 


So sick of being sick of myself. I feel ashamed because I don’t want my body to define me. I want body neutrality. That place where I forget to judge myself for this old lady body I’m suddenly walking around in.

sham about the gain on Shalavee.com


I cringe to write this. I’ve been here before. The struggle to live where we are while allowing for the change is ever present. Except we can’t move unless we accept where we are. 


I have spent a lifetime of giving up on myself. So I decided to not cancel the subscription, ie. give up, and keep going. It is my fear of change and lack that keeps me from succeeding. I have a few updated tactics like “don’t act like I can go off my point count on the weekends”. And “do more core strengthening exercises weekly”. And find someone to be accountable to.


Everybody hates to hear a sad story. In this case the non-losing losing story. We want a winning story! But I also believe that self-compassion and authenticity are the only way to banish our shame. So I hand this all to you because my humanity is worth forgiving. And I’ma gonna keep on being me no matter how imperfectly I do it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Purposeful Life as Mother

I have long been frustrated with my fearful self. I’m so smart and so talented so need to make an impact on the world. Let everyone know who I am and what I know. And if I don’t, I’m a loser. It’s the smart girl’s sabotage. It’s the knife I perpetually hold to my throat.

And then the other day, Fiona and I were returning from the library, she ahead of me climbing the hill beside the steps, and I realized she was so deserving of the purpose she is for me. I devote and leave so much of my life open to her. I do not need the recognition. I just need her to take her fierce self out in the world and be happy.

My Purposeful Life as  Mother on shalavee.com

I believe that I am addicted to being unhappy with myself. I think many women are. But there isn’t one thing wrong with not wanting to overextend yourself. Wanting to be available for the people you love knowing that that availability is the implicit understanding of motherhood.

But I also know that we so often, so easily could use our motherly duties to abandon ourselves. Not pursue our creativity because they are so much more important. I will not condone modeling martyrdom for our children. I can say that I have battled and won a creativity entitlement and practice battle with myself in the years that I’ve had and been raising Fiona. She sees me indulging that constantly and she does too. But I also don’t have to capture the moon to know that my life is worthwhile.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak

I believe very strongly in the power of words. To ignite, to soothe, to pinpoint, or to release. From a young age, I began to write so that I could hear what I was thinking and to work out where I was. I found the therapeutic value in hearing myself think and felt my value there.

As children, there’s an implied “Shush” everywhere we go. We are too loud, we don’t know what we’re talking about, we’re inappropriate, or we just need to be seen and not heard. Adults are intolerant of children yet the smalls ones are much wiser in many ways than us. They laugh when things are funny. They still feel exuberant and free from self-editing when they speak their minds.

When we grow up, we understand the importance of not rocking the boat. Of keeping a low profile. Of being normal. But sadly, we also censor the most passionate honest parts of ourselves. Further, when we no longer speak with our inner voices, we are no longer listening to ourselves. We are no longer ourselves. We’re Stepford versions of us. Good dutiful Do-bees. The anti-us.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak on Shalavee.com

There is definitely a difference between speaking up and making a difference and knowing your words are futile. Why bother. But I think we forget that there is magic in hearing yourself think and speak regardless of how it is received. We have a right to speak our minds in America and we owe ourselves the effort to acknowledge our own feelings.

For me, there is power in the process of writing what I think and handing it out to the world. There is magic in transferring what I feel and gifting it to someone else to perhaps spark a feeling in them too. We build on each others thoughts as a world community. The sparks and the gifts of our communications swirl and rise our collective consciousness. In this way, we not only owe ourselves the gift of speaking our thoughts, we owe the world too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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