Nov 26, 2014
The darkening days draw us in. Into groups around fires with food and laughter,
we are reminded on one holiday and then another throughout the Winter that we have meaning.
We are loved as human beings and sisters and daughters and Mothers.
As we gather with our families and our friends and we count with them the purposes and connections we have in our lives, we are inwardly focused on our basic needs.
Those of community and hope and love.
And when you add pie and gravy to all of this, it is as close as one can get to heaven without buying a ticket.
Remember those you have lost and cherish the ones remaining even harder.
Happy Thanksgiving Lovely People!!!
Nov 25, 2014
The phrase “Unutterable Fulfillment” was the phrase my friend Jane used to describe how she felt after writing the first draft of her book. I knew deep in my soul what she described. That feeling of such satisfaction that nothing can feel bad seemingly ever. I knew what I needed to do to feel more of this too. It’s the Joy verses fear.
When it comes to my creative path, I have lived in the shadow of my fears. They have harped and thwarted and yapped at me and my efforts until I just felt numb and mostly incapable of creating. Job well done Fear.
And then recently, I’ve decided to take a different path. Irrational fears meet practicality and sheer will. I reasoned that I would not make any money ever on anything if I wasn’t doing exactly what I loved doing. I gave myself permission to get on with the daily making. I chose tasks that I’d previously avoided and did them anyway so that they would no longer hold me prisoner. I met the author of a book who specifically wrote her book to help people through, around, and beyond their ugly voices. And I’m somewhere different than I was say two years ago and even a month ago.
Christmas means creativity and mandatorily there is suddenly a truckload of creative projects. But rather than feeling stressed that I’ll not have enough time of won’t be able to make what’s in my head, I’m rolling with it based on faith. Faith that if I do my best, it usually doesn’t suck. Faith that if I schedule my time wisely I’ll never feel overwhelmed. And the knowledge that the creativity gives me such personal joy and fulfillment, fear won’t be here for the holidays.
The doing and the not doing, the joy and the fear can not exist in the same room and in the same heart at the same time. It is an impossibility. So if you just go ahead and do that thing that you want to do and create and play and make and craft, joy will show up from wherever it waits in your body. And fear will have no place to root. Guaranteed. And the more joy you have, the more you want, the more you realize you can have. It’s a glorious cycle. Enjoy the process and I wish you all a giant overflowing cup of unutterable fulfillment.
Nov 24, 2014
My budding toddler has begun to emit a sound that now wins the highest honor for most intolerable and grating sound in my brain. It is known as a whine to you and the whine frequency is maddening to me.
Fiona has delivered me to Dante’s whatever level of hell for mothers. I now know that in fact girls are more dramatic and they instinctively come up with the concept of fake crying by 18 months. It would almost be impressive if it weren’t so upsetting.
You see, mother’s have a special programming chip in their brains for their child’s cries. They can hear a whimper from their child across a room crowded with chattering chimpanzees. This is a biological programming chip that keeps people alive until they can keep themselves alive.
But now, the integrity of the cry is being corrupted. She is no longer in danger or pain most of the time when she emits this frequency that is so high and raw, it’s worse than any chalkboard or Styrofoam squeak anywhere. Because my brain immediately responds to the distress and instantly I also know there’s nothing wrong. It’s a false alarm every time.
I would love to jam earplugs in my ears all day. But there’s that one tiny chance that she’ll actually hurt herself by climbing onto the windowsill and then fall off and thrust her tiny teeth through her lip. And so I live in the perpetual irritated state of toddler girl whiney-dom. Don’t forget the added older brother factor which increases the whine’s occurrence just because it’s fun to poke her. Please kill me now.
Nov 21, 2014
The leaves have fallen off their pretty perches.
Sometimes one by one and sometimes all at once.
But fall they will.
I find it so natural to celebrate the change and honor the actions of each season.
This one, Autumn, makes me want to wander and admire the tree rainbows and gather its plumage to bring inside with me.
I feel a primal urge to relate and recreate the season’s offerings.
And thus the primitive painting of the leaves.
And the creation of a mobile to flutter above the heat vent as a performance art piece.
Until Fiona goes over and begins to yank them down.
And brings them to me.
She’s collecting the leaves too I suppose.
Nov 19, 2014
So I have this not good thing about sewing. We all have our things. And sewing is one of mine.
Sewing and I used to be like this. But then several factors helped to make it a thing.
#1 – My husband got me a new machine at some point which was a nice thing but the new machine is so inferior to my hand-me-down thrift store machines of yore. Sigh.
#2 – My son then touched the buttons and knobs at least twice obliterating all tension settings. And now I can never seem to get a decent stitch.
# 3 – My mom likes to sew and thereby proves a theory I have. Women who’s Mom’s sew don’t like it much and women who’s Mom’s never sewed are sewing enthusiasts. (She helped with the chandelier chain covers and recovered pillows for Eamon’s room make over.) It’s a mother daughter punk out thing. If they want you to, you don’t want to.
Curtains have yet to be made for Fiona’s room. Remember the first Fiona’s Womb Room post and the three bay windows? I’ve come up with nothing. She naps just fine in the bright daylight so my excuse has been that I just can’t figure out what design I wanted. Until this week.
I was finally helped out of the think box by none other than my Mom. It turned out that the convoluted plans I had to make do with my two thrifted curtain panels were really unnecessary since I in fact did have enough fabric to not have to piece anything together.
Here’s my inspiration pictures for the window treatment for Fiona’s room redesign.
Project Kid Blogger Amanda Kingloff’s DIY baby’s room
From SF Girl By the Bay blog, those pink rods above the bay windows !
Here’s me hard at work today.
There was a lot of resistance at first. Excuses that always get in the way are
#1 – the baby was going to be napping and my craft room is next to her room.
#2 – The craft room is cramped for sewing purposes.
#3 – I have to measure. Ugh.
#4 – Tension problems, see above number list.
Then I just moved the sewing machine and ironing board downstairs to spread out. So now I kinda had to do it. But my brain futilely fought. Irritated with this chore I’d so skillfully managed to put off for these past 2 years, my brain didn’t want to think for several minutes. But I had made a promise to myself that I’d do my darndest to finish by this weekend when my friend comes for dinner. And drove over the toes of my resistance.
Here’s all the cats and children participating.
Mr. Crackers posing on the Thinking Chair with the curtain fabric. Miss Chessie had to be tossed off the table like four times. And Fiona snagged the foot pedal and dragged it and the extension cord around the house.
The painting and these curtains were my breakthrough tasks. Almost there finally. Of course you know, while trying to finish these curtains off with a nice top stitch three inches in from the edge, I ran out of thread and the stitch then got messed up again. But perseverance actually makes you feel better about yourself where giving up does not. Stay tuned for the upcoming results.