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When Not Getting What You Want is a Good Thing

Sometimes what we want isn’t really good for us. Our want can be based on what our inner 6-year-old wants but she doesn’t have the reasoning that the rest of her life could have given her. Sometimes, what she wanted wouldn’t have given her what she needed and that’s a blessing.

It’s the “be careful what you wish for” scenario. To be so invested in any outcome as an absolute necessity is to forget the universe might have better plans for you than your inner six-year-old. Also remembering that everything that happens to you may not be personal. When applying it directly to our feelings it will always Feel personal but it more often than not isn’t. When Not Getting What You Want is a Good Thing on Shalave.com

We want people to like us but sometimes the reason is that we don’t like ourselves. So their like isn’t going to help us. This one stings most of all because deep down we align our self-worth with social acceptance and if that is denied us, it feels like a death in our hearts. I’ve done and said things I wished I hadn’t and then waited to see if I’d be unfriended secretly thinking I knew I wasn’t good enough to be accepted by them. This has happened a couple of times and the agony is palpable.

If someone does not want me it is not the end of the world

but if I do not want me the world is nothing but endings

~ Nayyirah Waheed

We want money, fame, or power but when we get it, we squander or abuse it because we haven’t the emotional wisdom to manage our gift. Do you remember that TV show where they’d build houses for people and surprise them? American dream come true accept then you’d learn later that they couldn’t pay the taxes on their free houses so they we taken from them. It seemed so sad. Like the ugly backside of the American dream. Earning enough to be philanthropic would be a better goal. Having clout enough to champion a cause would be a better reframe of fame.When Not Getting What You Want is a Good Thing on Shalave.com

I’ve spent five years creating a body of blog posts and wishing I had more readership. But I really didn’t want that because I’ve been afraid that would mean I had more responsibility than I could bear. I tortured myself none the less with the “why am I not like them”, wanting to be popular, all the while refusing to do the exact things I needed to make that happen and sabotaging any chances. Then all I wanted was to be validated by others. Now I want to increase my like of me. And that change in what I want is what my shift is all about.

It’s quite OK to want things. That is the cookie, or the carrot for you vegans, that keeps us going and innovating and creating. But what we are wanting has to align with our values about the kind of people we want to be. I want to always be honest, have integrity, be a good friend, and lead by example. And when something doesn’t feel quite right, it’s usually an indication that my why for my want is unaligned. The truth then will set me free or at least put me on a better path.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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A Warm Salad?

This is a republication of an old favorite from 2012. Hope you feel inspired to cook from it. I can always use some inspiration.

I’d promised to pass along my recipe for a yummy warm salad with garbanzo beans (aka chick peas), orange zest, tomatoes, and salmon to my friend. Having pulled the recipe out of the box, it was last spotted with a pile of papers in the office area. That was about a week ago. I seem to have misplaced the recipe card. I have searched for it under my chair, inside my books, and even online but to no avail. And thinking about it gave me the appetite to have it in my belly immediately. So this was my solution with what I had on hand.

Warm some olive oil in a skillet.

Then Add

2 stalks of celery, half-inch sliced across

Half a red onion chunky chopped

A cup of red cabbage chunks

Sauté for two minutes to take a little of the edge off. Then add

Small can petite diced tomatoes

Can of garbanzo beans

Half cup each sliced dried apricots

And pitted kalamata olives

Then stir and add

Homemade balsamic dressing

Dash of Herbs de Provence

Ground coriander

Ground marjoram

Salt and pepper

Juice and zest of an orange or even some fruit juice

 

Serve on a bed of mix greens topped with warmed salmon filet and a slice of toast. Because it was a warmed salad , it still feels good to eat even on a chilly day. And visually, it is an edible rainbow. Gorgeous red, purple, orange, and brownish purple chunks amidst little beige orbs and green crescent moons. All atop leafy greens and a salmon pink crown. I was even thinking a nut on top would be fun. Or crumbled feta or blue cheese.chickpea salmon aka warm salad on Shalavee.comsalad

This isn’t exactly what I had in the other recipe. And I didn’t have an orange in the house or I would have added the juice and zest. But it hit the zone if not the spot of what I was after. Righteous in many ways, sweet and salty, it reminded me of a caponata. Create variations according to your taste. Enjoy your food or you’re doing it wrong.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Crunchy Christmas House Tour 2016 – 2017

Oh the inferences I had trying to film this video! I had every intention of filming it way before the holiday was over. But then the kids were home. And then it was overcast. And then winter hit and it was overcast all the time. I picked the whole house up one day and was just about to film and then everybody came home.

Here’s the thing, I’ve got a family and a life. I like to separate them and sometimes they can’t be. So here’s the crunchy Christmas House Tour 2017 with me studdering and stumbling and it’s OK. Find it on You Tube here.

Today I actually removed said crunchy Christmas tree. It put up a fight all the way out the door leaving needles and tree bits all through the house and on to the porch. But I’m OK with the mess and the fight as I know it’s the price I pay for the tree that I want.

I do suggest that you replace the tree lights with another light display for the winter. Drape the lights around a mirror or in some twigs in a pot. Our brains need the light source during these long dark winter days.

I hope you have transitioned your holiday hours into happy enough days until the spring comes. And that the sunlight comes, you bask in it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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My Word of the Year for 2017 is Courage

For several years running, I’ve joined the “pick a word of the year” clan. From the first time I read about it, I thought this was an excellent idea. I love the inspiration that some words embody. And when you are stuck, you can meditate and ask how the word can show you a meaning out and away from your stuckness. It works, I assure you.

In 2015, my first word ever was Edit. Aware of my busy brain tendencies, I wanted to encourage myself to focus. Read my claim on the word edit here. I ended up adding a secondary word that year : Permission. Read about why I needed to do that here. My 2017 word of the year is courage on Shalavee.com

In 2016, my words of the year were Release and Perspective. My summary post is here. I worked very hard both in therapy as well as in my own life work to increase my self-trust. I released some lies I told myself about me as well as my concern for other people’s thoughts about me. Perspective was the way to see me through to these necessary actions.

This year, I thought to use Susannah Conway’s online five day help course to pick my word. Great concept, no time. And I already had a notion as to what it needed to be. It may be ironic or completely acceptable but I am terrified of the word I picked. My 2017 word of the year is courage on Shalavee.com

My word of 2017 is Courage. It is the opposite, and maybe I’m hoping the antidote, of Fear. It is a noun which I need to build and find and use. Although I like the word Brave a lot too, it was not as terrifying and I figured then not as effective. I am the cowardly lion in search of the secret to the surplus of courage, the thing I’m sure I don’t posses. You and I know better.

And I’ve decided to resurrect the bonus word from 2015 as a way of bolstering and allowing for the space for courage to grow. I’m readopting Permission. I saw another person had brave and another had allow and I envied them. Those sounded so much easier. My 2017 word of the year is courage on Shalavee.com

My resistance, however futile, it still an auto-response. It perhaps has something to do with this coping mechanism I discovered I had which prohibits me from finishing stuff. But my journey is still destined to be difficult until it isn’t no matter what word I choose to guide me so I might as well pick a hard word and learn how to embrace and live with my discomfort.

I hope the New Year finds you with new courage and new hope for your endeavors. Or maybe it will allow you to release what you no longer need to strive for and permits you to instead have fun working hard on something which makes your heart sing. I find the places where I lose myself are the places I find myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Some People Aren’t Ready for Self-Accountability

When I noticed that I needed to be a good parent to myself, I  needed to be able to trust myself to have my back, and I needed to keep myself safe, it was then that I realized my thought processes and mindfulness were shifting to a new place, one of self-accountability. One where self-care really meant taking care of me and protecting myself from the onslaught of the regular anxiety I’d been subjecting myself to my entire life. That was my shift. Putting the nice kind strong parent in charge instead of the mean judgemental withholding one.Some people aren't ready for self-accountability on Shalavee.com

And as I considered recently what it is I’m able to give my readership, the concept of self-accountability came up. I am offering people a chance to see what self-accountability looks like in action. How oddly it struck me then when, in response to me saying that some other people think I’m a bunch of hooey, my therapist said, ”some people aren’t ready for self-accountability. Some will never be”. Some people aren't ready for self-accountability on Shalavee.com

Self-accountability means you take responsibility/ownership for your actions. You recognize that you can change your own life by this action and claim responsibility for what you’ve chosen. You can also use this power to re-parent yourself and build your esteem( see the first paragraph). It means you are good for your word to you as well as to others. And that isn’t as common as I’d like or you’d think.Some people aren't ready for self-accountability on Shalavee.com

I’ve explained several times to my son that most of the world points fingers at other people and says “He did it to me”. I told him it’s easier if he doesn’t do that but rather would take responsibility for whatever part he could. I think most people are finger pointers. I try hard to dodge that behavior and I think the majority of my audience are people who support self-accountability too. I also presume that there are other people who read my posts and think I’m some sort of freaky nut-job who obsessively talks about her feelings. While I’d agree with them, I’d offer that there’s so much more to life besides sports, religion, television, and fear. That to become a deeper society, we need to dig within ourselves first. And I’m a gal who leads by example. This is me being the change.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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