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Currently Browsing: Blogging Along

Seeing Me and Thanking You

I’ve always been invisible. Not like the cool invisible where you can get away with diabolical crime schemes or walk around naked and nobody would see you. But invisible to myself. I could not see me as other people saw me. I’ve written about it again and again but only because I was lucky enough to even notice something was missing. I just knew it was important for me to find out.

I remember the first time I felt like I was seen as a blogger and writer was almost three years ago. It was a community event. It was raining. And abruptly, a lovely fellow artist came up to me and told me that she enjoyed reading my blog. That she felt acknowledged by the honesty of my words or something to this effect. That I should keep writing. She was thanking me for what I just can’t help but do. Wow!Family after Eamon's Birthday dinner at Cafe Sado's on Shalavee.com

This would be the first of many random gifts of kind words from my readership. Understand that I can never really know who’s reading except when people tell me. And where they may not have the courage to write a comment to my posts below, I have been so lucky to have people screw up their courage and tell me to my face.

First, Keep doing it. Keep gifting your lovely words of acknowledgement and appreciation to whomever inspires you because you never know what that might give back then to them. Secondly, the cumulative effect of these gifts of kindness and heartfelt appreciation have done wonders for my ego and consequently my esteem. I’d say I’m about 75 percent visible to me now. That I’ve heard what you’ve said and am taking myself and you very seriously in the best possible way.me and my friends Melissa and Karen on Shalavee.com

I won’t stop being me nor will I stop sharing me and my life’s perspectives with anyone who cares to read it. I’ll be a life-long sharer. And I can truly say that the cumulative effect of having strangers tell me that my life’s struggles has meaning and beauty to them, well that feels like both the whip cream on top and the sugar rush which is propelling me to move on.

I’m finally writing something that I’ve been “meaning to write” for a very long while now. A short expose, an acknowledgement of my purpose, and a call to my own life’s action. I can see clearly now the rain is gone and I’ve shooed the perpetual clouds over my head. And I have you all to thank for bringing out the sunshine and helping along my process. Thank you dear readers !

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Relentlessness of Motherhood

My go to word in describing parenting is relentless. My baby daughter, ungrateful and miserable, can cry at me at least ten times today, what feels like 70 percent of the day, beating me down further and further into defeat. The relentlessness is daunting.

You’re review is in. Fifty percent of today will not meet with her satisfaction and, according to her, you suck at parenting.

My top seven words to embody my experience with motherhood are:

  1. Chaos
  2. Temperance
  3. Perseverance
  4. Relentless
  5. Confusion
  6. Patience
  7. Exhaustion

All problems could be solved, you think, if only I had their money or their family. Those people with their 5 extra family members to spread out the stress of the 16 plus hours a-grueling-day of care-taking and giving. If only I had their time and money to buy nicer clothing to cover up my ever-widening butt until I could hire that trainer to help me widdle it down. For now, I wear my ill-fitting sweats, placing my greying thinning hair into something up-ish. My nails and cuticles dry and ragged for lack of care. I have that look of survival and neglect. That wild look that says I’ve thought about fleeing in my fantasies. The dull look of disbelief that this will get better no matter how many times people insist it will. Beaten and hopeless is all the rage in the truthful Mommy circles.At the grocery store years ago on Shalavee.com

If only I had the money to buy a SUV that I could comfortably load and buckle my child into without having the rain soak my back. Then I’d slip into the front seat and drive smoothly away to drop my privileged child off at that member of the care-taking team whose day it was to take them. Or I’d hire a housekeeper/child care-taking person as a stunt double so I could escape and make art or do lunch or have beauty salon time. Where’s my miracle money? My large ever-loving family? Where’s my get out of hardship free card?

No I won’t be looking forward to “taking care of myself” with a kale and flax smoothie tonight. Instead I’m thinking of making pasta with gravy, cheese, and deep-fried potatoes and a side of beef so that I can feel an ounce and moment of comfort that I never feel in my day-to-day existence. Wash it down with a 12oz glass of Shiraz and pray I can stay awake to watch any escapism television.Baby Fiona on Shalavee.com

Why is it wrong to want it to be easier than this? To want the release of the hardship and grinding daily agony. I want to feel light and unencumbered. I want privilege instead of lack. I want a child who doesn’t make me constantly feel like I’m failing her. I want to stand here in the winner’s circle and not the survivor’s circle. Like my mother did. Like hers before her. Because deep down I don’t believe there’s any other way for it to be but hard.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Read What I Write and Discover Myself

I write to discover, and then I forget myself again. It’s been a really interesting journey discovering who I am and what I know. Then, like so much dust churned up, the ideas dissipate back into the computer files. The complexity of me is lost to myself, to others.

I envy my blog’s readers as they know me better than I often know myself. I find it equally interesting that many of my friends never read my blog. They must figure they’ll catch up with me when they see me. Or maybe they don’t want to know too much about me for fear they may not like me as much as they do now. Fiona and Me on shalavee.com

The me here on the blog is more “me-er” than in real life. A kind gentleman reader fussed recently that he felt bad for me always being so down on myself when I come across as such a confident person in person. I explained that with three posts on the blog weekly with subjects tending towards the wobbly, the picture of me is skewed and concentrated. But in this way, I can show that my humanity is here and so the reader can allow for their humanity too.

I never ever imagined that writing would lead me to such a wealth of self-knowledge and acceptance. A deeper understanding of self and the kindness of people in general has given me renewed faith in both myself and others which is exquisite as liquid hope. Opening up to others’ thoughts and worlds has given my brain sustenance and gifted me all sorts of friendships with all sorts of people including myself. And a boundless bounty of perspectives. Fiona's hair on shalavee.com

I made a passing comment in the beginning of the year that I wanted to read my writing daily. In that way, I could remember what I do and why it is I think others should really read it too. Because sometimes when I read my stuff, I think I rock. Hope you are enjoying at least this one post. There are 700 more posts hidden and awaiting my to read and recycle them. Acknowledging that I am a writer has been one of the greatest gifts to myself. And it’s gonna keep on giving until I keel over.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Proof of my Authority is in my Writing

Official know-it-alls everywhere know that to be a an expert you have to be an authority. No one’s going to give you credit for your knowledge unless you can prove that you have more to say and can say it better than other people. And then you get promoted to expert, authority, and official know-it-all.

As for me and my expertise, this would all make sense if I were talking about bowling or raising beavers. But what about just being an expert on life ? Does life experience and hard knocks give you credibility? I’d have to vote yes or my blog has had no meaning. Surely the people who dig the experiences and lessons that women like Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert are offering in their novels, courses, and social media would agree as well.From your own authority on shalavee.com

In fact it’s rather astounding what credibility truth can hold when you truly hear it. Both from others and yourself. This month I’m about to embark on an e-course that will help me find my innermost truths and what my book Manifesto will be. I should add that I had one flash of genius on this potential book like eight years ago and then gave up on it completely. So for me to even be contemplating it again is HUGE.

But again, what gives me the authority to write anything ever? It is the experiences that we live that shape who we become. We know how that happened, we embody the living of those lessons and the knocks that we got to get here. So who better to tell those stories than us. And if they’re profound and funny, Great! And if they’re not, they’re still my stories and I’m the authority on genuineness of their intentions and details. From your own authority on shalavee.com

So I am putting it out there that I am an authority on my life. And that is enough. Proof on how good a story that is will be in the writing, what has come before and what will follow.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Month Of Self Love Summary

So I set out with some very specific intentions about how I needed this month to look. I said I wanted it to be about taking care of me. And Boy Howdy, I’d say I did that and then some.

There was the Creativity Bootcamp that I knew I’d be participating in for the month of February. And I had prepared myself so well that when the month hit, I had blog posts aplenty scheduled and I spent luscious wonderful time creating. I was also pretty stress free for the creating and installing the event design for the Anchor’s Away Service Auction.

And I noticed that as my proactive blog scheduling dwindled, I became much less free for creativity. And on top of that, if I didn’t specifically plan what I was going to be creatively working on that day or week, I was waaaayyyy less likely to do anything. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I think all of that is invaluable in knowing how I need to pace my life and do my planning in the future.dining room bookshelves on Shalavee.com

Then sometime in the first week of February, a few more exciting opportunities to take care of myself popped up. Cost me about three hundred dollars on my paid off credit card but each thing is Well Worth It.

First, we joined Weight Watchers . There was a special going that if you joined by Valentine’s Day and lost 10 pounds within the first two months, you’d get your money back for those months. I said I’d take that challenge. There is nothing more I’d like than to be fit and happy for my fiftieth birthday coming this September. And being in the process of reaching that goal has brought me such hope.

Then there were two online ecourses that I joined up to take. These I will take when I have the time and am ready. The first will allow me to zero in on what my Manifesto is for my blog and help me to outline the book I will then be able to write on my philosophies and Lessons on Living. I have waited for the right tool to show up for me to grab to do this and I believe this is it. It’s called the Book Manifesto Course created by Sally Wolfe.egg yolks on Shalavee.com

The other course is called the Creative Doer, a course developed by writer and creative coach Anna Lovind for creatives to figure out what their purposeful work is in the world. And for just one day, she offered this as a “pay what you can” opportunity. I was not going to miss out on that.

So the Manifesto course will be my work for March. And the Creative Doer course will be for April. I hope you return to visit and find out how these courses meet up with and surpass my expectations of self-discovery awesomeness.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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