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Are You in Feeling or Dealing Mode?

Where I was a dealer and not the feeler in the beginning of this lockdown, now no amount of cooking, cleaning, or wine is making this quarantine better for me. I was writing to do lists for a while. But even that is not bestowing me any sense of normality. I’m carrying my pain, my children’s pain, and concern for our mothers’ health. And all I really want to do is just spend a week alone.

I make sure I get a walk in everyday. I do laundry and grocery shopping twice every week. I cook 75% of our meals. I do a collage every day for my 100 day project. And I try to write these blog posts three times weekly but sometimes it’s only twice. I was in dealing mode but I’m fast melting down. Going into feeling mode. This last week I almost cried. For me, that’s a thing.Are You in Feeling or Dealing Mode? on Shalavee.com

Before this all happened, I always beat myself up because I am not working on the next big project. Because I gained weight and I couldn’t seem to shed it. Nothing’s changed. Except now I have no alone time and no gym to go to. When do I get the epiphany that this is all meant to be? And it isn’t about me? Just gonna keep writing what I’m thinking and feeling in hopes that this feels like a truth you need to hear.

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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

2 Responses to “Are You in Feeling or Dealing Mode?”

  1. Melinda Patton says:

    I feel you. Not only am I trying to stay home, field mice have decided to quarantine with us, preferring being inside than out. They’re odd mice. They rarely are in the counters (possibly because I moved everything off), so it’s kind of like we’re just feeding them from the traps some are too stealthy to get caught in. Not all… we’ve caught more than I can remember. Last week though, the stress of Covid, my partner working and making my stay home efforts feel futile, and a mouse got caught and squealed. It breaks my heart. I don’t hate them, I just don’t want them
    In my house. And I cried and couldn’t stop. And I don’t cry. It’s all
    just so exhausting. Poor mice. Poor us.

    • Shalagh says:

      We have mice that think to do the same, running on counters quick as baby lighting bolts. Until they realize they are surrounded by cats. I feel horrid for you and for them to be engaged in an unwinnable war. And yes, maybe that was the straw… Love to you!

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