A Throwback to Summer Two Years Ago

I came across this, my last newsletter from two years ago. So much has happened since then. If you are a regular reader, you’ll already know that I finally gave myself permission to ask for anxiety medication last November, 2018. So this newsletter is a snapshot of who I used to be. My hope is to begin these again sooner than later!

As the Summer gains speed, I’d like to start the practice of being in touch with my readership. You’ll still find three new posts weekly sent out at 6:30 am on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Our seasonal shuffle of schedules and routines may disconnect us so I thought I should remind you I’m still out here, processing what I see and think and offering my thoughts back to the world via my authentic thoughtful writing.

I am not sure why it is that I go looking for something to be dissatisfied with. It’s called “borrowing trouble” when you look for problems. But there I am, still in my pajamas, feeling defeated for the unaccomplished tasks I see. The house is always a half-empty mess even when it’s clean. As if the dissatisfaction will spurn me on to work harder or create a more perfect life. It’s all crap. A Cognitive Distortion I favor.

I would like to maintain a more neutral gaze on my world. Allow for things to just be as they are. Let the dirt glowing in the morning sunbeam mean nothing to my worth as an individual. Let the fact that I don’t have my life goals enthusiastically and fearlessly planned for years to come mean nothing at all. I want to be here now please witnessing the growth of my kids and the fruition of my purpose.. 

And after I maintain mindful neutrality for several weeks without breaking into hives over the unaccomplished, I want to begin to truly appreciate my life now. To effortlessly see my gratitude in the everyday moments. I want that to be my daily mode, zenning through my Summer days with my children. And basking in the knowledge that this is in fact all there ever is and all I really wanted anyway. Peace and Joy.

Until this happens, I’ll be over here creating my never-ending to do list and feeling anxious about whatever strikes my fancy today. Or maybe staring at my cup and wishing it would fill up with all the things I’ve yet to accomplish. And squandering a few of the beautiful moments in between. Sigh. May my mindfulness catch up to me quickly.

Hope your Summer (or Winter if you’re on opposite bits of the world) is a time of slowing down, regrouping, or reflection on that which matters most to you. I am concentrating on my little ones and the inner value of me. Expect new newsletters to come more frequently and perhaps a few videos like I did last Summer? This one on confidence was good. I am also recording myself reading aloud the posts and you can find the link at the bottom of each of my recent posts at www.Shalavee.com .

My Creative May project brought me more creative confidence  and has stretched into and through June as I joined the #Icad (index card a day) challenge. There are prompts to inspire the making of art, I choose mostly to collage, on 4 x 6 index cards daily. You can watch my progress in Instagram.

Read about my updated Summer plan to create in the cool peace of my craft room in How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk . And you can listen to me read this post via Soundcloud at the bottom of the post ! Three posts still go out weekly to subscribers on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on those subjects I like to go on about like self-trust and creativity. You can always count on my voice to reflect my honesty and my angst.

Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself is a post on how easy it is to do laundry instead of the work you need to do. And what you are telling yourself about your worth when you do that. (Hint: It’s mean.) Read it here and when there, you can scroll to the bottom of this post listen to it via Soundcloud.