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Recovering Younger Parts of Me

Back when my therapist suggested I had different parts I needed to consider healing, I thought she was nuts. I wasn’t a schizophrenic. But then I began to understand that my inner child had been tantrumming because she wasn’t being allowed to create. And I conceded that maybe I did have different parts to me after all. And maybe me and my younger parts need to get reacquainted.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these different parts of me recently and this is what I have decided. Me and my inner child are good creativity wise. I have indulged her so richly that she trusts that if she needs to play, I will let her. I recognized my inner 20 year old likes to be pampered with new clothing and beauty treatments. My inner 30 year old is health concerned. And my inner 40 year old works on her wisdom lessons earnestly and enthusiastically.Recovering Younger Parts of Me on Shalavee.com

Recognizing all of this, I have done well with maintaining my beauty, I am going to the gym regularly and going to any and all doctor’s that need seeing. My work towards bettering myself and my world is slow but steady. And now in my 50’s, I’m realizing that the piece I am missing is my teenager. My judgment of her has blocked me from being all the good things that she gave me. She was irreverent and very sexy. And it seems that is not “allowable” behavior in my Mommy years.

But irreverence is permission to be authentic in many ways. Permission to break rules and respect yourself for not just fitting in. As a punk, you give other people secret permission to throw off their conformity shackles and be themselves too. As for sexy, that is a state of mind of “I am all that”. And that stuff is powerful stuff.Recovering Younger Parts of Me on Shalavee.com (more…)

Returning Inward After the Holidays

( Written days after Christmas ’19, it would seem this piece got away from me.. Yet I still feel the honor of the holiday purpose only a month gone. And I am in the process of picking up where I left off last year)

This year, the holidays were filled with more gratitude and family appreciation than they’ve been prior. We spent time together being us, laughing, eating, and loving. I wove this holiday with as much intention and family time spending forethought as I could handle. I threw my alone and writing time to the side so that all this could happen. And I do not regret one minute of it. And now I feel the shift to retutning inward.

And now as we wind down from the rush and worry of holiday tasks fulfilled, I feel the inevitable need to turn to the familiar work of my life. A need to return to myself and my creative work. A need to do some aerobic exercise and a few sit-ups. A need to re-channel my efforts inward instead of outward. And that feels scary.Returning Inward After the Holidays on Shalavee.com

It’s so easy to devote myself to my loved ones. My back might ache from standing in the kitchen for hours on end to cook meal after meal. I got dishpan hands from all the dishes washed. I wrote very few pages in my journal for wanting to be present while my sister visited. And I never felt resentful for any of it.

Now I must turn back in. To the voice that asks what’s the next lesson I need to learn. What calls me to be curious and what drives me to want to make changes to my life and the world. What’s squeaking that needs to be oiled. And I’ve got to do it like I mean it. Because as much as I find purpose in taking care of my family, I also need the balance of entertaining my own thoughts. Respecting that is tougher than it seems but it is where I need to head.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Do You and I Expect From Shalavee in 2020

I’ve been keeping this on the down low but there’s really no going back so I might as well share it with you. The blog is actually (for reals) getting revamped. And I can not tell you how stuck and petrified I am.

See at 53, I am no longer eager and naive. I have been writing this blog for near 8 years and still have never had a new format or a bunch of readers. All I needed was just to have a place where I could practice writing and publish my thoughts several times a week. An online journal, as it were, where others could be inspired.

And it has been that way for many many years now. I do not have sponsors, I don’t do giveaways, and I don’t have a huge following. I could always blame it on my outdated platform and that way I’m excused from caring. But today I can tell you that I am progressing, like it or not. And I am scared.

I’m scared that I won’t have as much freedom to just not care. I’ll have to bring bigger and badder and start to care about numbers of followers and likes. But I’m here to tell you, I’m truly devoted to one thing; giving my readership what it has come here to receive.What Do You and I Expect From Shalavee in 2020 on Shalavee.com

To that end, I have decided that there are three categories that I truly love to talk about and ponder, besides just generally my life process which is a combo of all of the following. Those three categories are Creativity, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery & Anxiety. So if you are here because of any of these then Yayyyy! And if you are not then I’m curious what else I share that is of interest to my regular readership. Direct message me however you feel comfortable and let me know. Meanwhile, I have to go back to working on what I want to look like when I come out of the blog closet.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding a Way to Be the Most Me I Can Be

I’ve strayed off the path to myself. I’ve been an impostor for a long time. Maybe it began when I was a kid and I was told to be quieter and not draw attention to myself. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to writing what I feel so honestly; so that I may rediscover my truer self. But I feel like the true destination is an ease within at being me that I have yet to feel completely.

Of course fear is to blame for keeping me in the dark. That “savior’ we hold in our breasts, that bestie for life. But what kind of friend keeps you from community and from your artwork ? Perhaps she will always be here but she needs to have a seat in the thinking chair every once in a while.Finding a Way to Be the Most Me I Can Be on Shalavee.com

Since asking for help and going on Lexipro, an anti-anxiety medication, I have had delicious thoughts of freedom. I am constantly considering how to be more me and what that looks like. The wheels are in motion for a re-engagement in my “work”, in what I do. Taking myself a little more serious perhaps with a little more challenge and a little more fun. I am always reticent to set goals feeling that perhaps I won’t be able to fulfill them and it’ll be a let down. But I know one thing about myself; once I set an intention publicly, there’s no going back.

Stay Tuned!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Setting the Record Straight About Authenticity

Being authentic, honest, or forthright is still considered a crime in our modern society. It’s understood that if you tell the truth about your background, heritage, or state of mind, you are asking for trouble. You could be judged and shunned for these truths. It’s crazy-talk to be outright honest.

Many African Americans “passed” as white and were glad they could. Being “dishonest” saved lives. The Irish weren’t treated any better. If only they could lose their accents. And women would use a male pen name just to get theur work published. In order to survive, we have asked ourselves and our children to be inauthentic for the greater good. You never know when a posse with pitchforks from the cul de sac may come looking for you because of the truth you gave over on Facebook.

But the problem with this life tactic is that we and the children we are raising are so out of touch with our true selves, that we’re neurotic and sick. Inauthenticity is a prison from which you’ll spend the rest of your life looking for permission to escape from.Setting the Record Straight About Authenticity on Shalavee.com

I’ll give you permission. You may be yourself whenever you want. Not just in the shower but at your parents for dinner. And when you say something that shocks them, let them know that you can either tell them the truth or get brain cancer, it’s up to them. They’ll pick you telling the truth I promise.

Don’t worry about giving me permission, I’m already upsetting the world and my parents with the permission I’ve borrowed from other authentic inspirational people.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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