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Holidays without Anxieties Update

We’re in full holiday swing now and the mood is different than ever before. Because I’m different. Backstage at the Nutcracker night, I told the other mothers that I had been an ever-loving mess last year but I’m medicated this year. They laughed but this is my truth; I am a different person this year. And I owe that to making a life-changing decision to ask for medication for my anxieties.

Helping myself out of the perpetual swirling vortex of anxiety is allowing me to be present for myself, for my family, and also for others who can choose this for themselves. As my friend Siri on Instagram chimed in to say it better than I could have,

Holidays without Anxieties Update on shalavee.com

Fiona is all the way on the right

Best decision of 2019. Deciding to finally try meds for the depression I’ve battled for decades. It’s early days yet, and my doctor and I are still fiddling with dosages, but I already suspect that this could be, in the words of a friend, a game-changer. Why not sooner? Because it wasn’t “bad enough” – I was able to function wasn’t I? Because I was sure I could fix it without meds if I could just find the combination of lifestyle choices and cognitive-behavioural tools. Because stigma. Shout-out to Shalagh, whose openness encouraged me to try. Shout out to my wonderful husband and friends and family, who have been steadfast with their support as I start this new journey. Shout-out to me.”

Every change and every choice we make for ourselves has a snowball effect in our lives. When we choose to take better care of us, everyone benefits. And in my case, the holidays are more laid back and my hope is that my children will not inherit as much of the anxiety as we did from our parents. I am setting the scene and the tone for this very special time of year when my children deserve all the happiness promised them.

Happy Holidays to Everyone and I’ll be taking a hiatus from the blog to come back with surprises in the New Year!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Another Day, Another Sinus Infection

I have what is termed chronic sinusitis. A have a whopping good amount of allergies. When that got added to an undiagnosed deviated septum which only got operated on not two years ago,  I suffered numerous sinus infections in a year. When it’s really bad, it feels like I have dirt packed into my forehead. And I can hear the little bacterium multiplying as a clicking noise in my face.

Years later, I’m receiving weekly allergy shots and, even though I get way less infections in a year, I always feel a little scared when I get one because multiple antibiotics have failed on me. Imagine, if you get to the doctor’s office after you already start hurting, it still takes two days for the antibiotic to kick in. And imagine there’s a weekend stuck in there and then you call the doctor’s office back to let them know it’s not working and they never get back to you. That was my story this year.

I have had this sinus infection for almost three weeks (which doesn’t top the one I had from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day one year). I’ve had two antibiotics fail on me which I will make double darn sure are noted in my chart. And when I visited the doctor’s office in person for the second day in a row, I got an unexpected surprise:

An Apology from the office manager.Another Yer, another sinus infection on Shalavee.com

I got a new prescription on the spot for the antibiotic that I knew would work. Everyone was was mortified. I assured them that I was used to this and that I wasn’t mad, just looking froward to not having a sinus headache.

I get to the point where I think it’s my problem. Like I’m doing something wrong. Am I a hypochondriac? No, that pain means something. I was so proud of myself for continuing to advocate for myself as I fell through their system’s cracks. And that we all proved human after all was such a relief. A further snaffu with an order for a mammogram was straightened out and I have my booby squashing to look forward to too.

I have always been an advocate for my physical and mental health. I understand my body now so much better than I ever did. And I chose recently to change my primary care doctor because I would like a woman as I move into my menopausal years. I have committed to always following the breadcrumbs to my wellness. No one else cares or is as affected by it as much as me. Except maybe my family as they suffer when I suffer.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Gift of Me to Me

The holiday has been holding me hostage, as it does. Asking me to do be do be do be do all those Christmas chores that I find necessary. Buying presents, decorating the tree, sending cards, while all the while keeping up with the regular boring chores that I haven’t enough money to hire out. You know, life plus the Christmas special event planning.

And what I realize, as I missed one day of blogging for all of this, is that I am an everyday hero. I show up to the laptop and this community with honesty, integrity, and intention to be myself. And what more can we ask of ourselves? If we don’t do this, we don’t feel right. Misaligned, anxious, and untethered. The Gift of Me to Me on Shalavee.com

What is the most me I can be today? And this question needs to guide my days to come with such clarity that no one can push me off of my high horse. The gift of me to me, devotion to my joy and clarity is something I have awaited for a long time.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey so far. The future is looking brighter than it has in a long long while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Soulitude

It seemed ironic that my prompt of Solitude on my Soul Selfie Instagram Challenge could illicit such a loud and resounding response. Yet, the group there gathered around me are writers in their hearts. And we writers need Solitude to find out our written truths.

The word solitude seems elusive though. I can choose so many activities that are just me doing busy housework alone. But my favorite kind of solitude seems more of a reverent, reflective, and creative state. And that’s why I would call it Soulitude.Soulitude on Shalavee.com

I am actively embodying soulitude when, like now. I am at home writing with the quiet sun shining in the front window. When I am in the middle of cooking a meal from scratch in my kitchen. And when I am preparing and decorating my house for a party or event. Or up in my craftroom with a daily creative challenge to make something for. Or pairing the right picture with the right words for a post on Instagram. All of these practices make my soul happy as I do them within my day in my own company.

Coming to understand myself as both an extrovert and an introvert has helped me immensely to honor what I need to enjoy both worlds. And this Soulitude is definitely a necessary part of my introvert’s happy place.

How do you see this need for solitude? Are you of the same mind about Soulitude?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What I Learned of Late

I am ruminating on a few lessons this week. Lessons about shame and forgiveness. Lessons on patience and persistence and presence. And lessons on paradox.

See, I am a learner. I am always keeping an eye and an ear open for the next lesson. And the only way I can see to have life be worth the hassle is to grab the lessons as they go by, even if they are prickly ones.

I learned recently that if something really really bothers you about what some one else said or did, it’s most likely reflective of something in you that you are not so proud of that you really see.

I learned that when we act like a jack-a$$, it’s usually because we are afraid of something. But I also found that if I say I’m sorry, own my behavior, and make amends, I feel like my soul is cleaner.

I learned that the reason I am so in hate with the gal in the mirror is because I am not allowed to be friends with a fat person. Even though there are plenty of people larger than me, this is the largest I’ve been since I was pregnant. Feels like a bodily conspiracy. This lesson has only begun.

I learned that if you show up out loud with integrity and authenticity, others will do the same. And you both will inspire more and more to do the same.

And I learned that community is always standing right beside you, you only need to reach out to it from wherever you are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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