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Write Like Your Parents Are Dead or Alive, Just Write

I’ve been listening to a lot to talk of telling your story. When we write and tell our stories, we own them. Our stories become grounding and good for our souls. But the Stories We Live are tricky to tell when they involve other people and you wonder, what are the rules there? 

The primary question I heard, and have asked myself, is what impact will this story have on the other people in my story and in my life ? And here are the answers I’ve heard. If you need to tell your story, tell it. Don’t worry if anyone will read it because you might not show it to anyone afterwards. But the story needs to come out of you. It’ll fester until it does.

You also need to never share a story that you haven’t resolved. Stories that are still being written, need to stay private. The story won’t serve you or your audience if you are asking them to help you heal it thanks to Brene Brown for that insight). And on the same note, we may also need to heal our life’s relationships with the people in our lives for it to be worth telling. Healing is interesting.

I always loved the quote from Anne Lamott,”Write like your parents are dead.”

And then she added, this,“Remember that you own what happened to you. If your childhood was less than ideal, you may have been raised thinking that if you told the truth about what really went on in your family, a long bony white finger would emerge from a cloud and point to you, while a chilling voice thundered, “We *told* you not to tell.” But that was then. Just put down on paper everything you can remember now about your parents and siblings and relatives and neighbors, and we will deal with libel later on.”Write Like Your Parents Are Dead or Alive, Just Write on Shalavee.com

Unresolved anger and resentment aren’t very interesting. You can change people’s names but they’ll still know who they are. Or maybe you need truly no longer care about that person if you commit to telling about them. The bottom line is that you still have to get it out of you. So this will be a matter of editing not of writing.

I found that the stories I had to tell about my sad sack childhood made me sorry for myself but didn’t empower me in any way. I was passing the blame back when I needed to no longer be defined by it at all. Everyone is doing their best at any given time. And as a writer, the best story I have to tell is the truthiest story I have in me.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The World Could Be Healed By a Weighty Blanket of Compassion

You’ve heard it over and over. The antidote to our toxic self-hatred and judgment is compassion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We agree but somehow that doesn’t seem to fit with how we feel and treat ourselves on a daily basis. We count on our driving ourselves hard to make progress, to make money, and to make our lives worth it. Compassion is not productive.

I’m in my therapy appointment today and it occurs to me and my therapist that perhaps I am still judging my teen self for some things. And where I may have forgiven my parents or you for doing your substandard best, I may still be holding myself in a vice for some choices. And frankly, I don’t want to hold myself prisoner anymore. I want to be allowed to be human.The World Could Be Healed By a Weighty Blanket of Compassion on Shalavee.com

The one and ONLY way to counteract self-hate, and that oogy sub-human feeling we bathe in consistently and unconsciously, is self-compassion. Instead, we only gently need to say I am sorry that that happened. I know you must have been doing the very best you could. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from that. That must have sucked. I forgive your humanity. I forgive you.

Try it sometime. Heap a weighty blanket of compassion on yourself and everyone. Break the spell and be what the world needs you to be, Human.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Can is About to Fuel the Rest of My Life

Somehow I’ve decided that there is a box I am supposed to stay within. That to venture from the box is certain death. I somehow always know that I am not allowed to imagine myself anywhere else but in the Fear Box. I am denied access to the world of possibilities outside.

But I also know that the key to freedom is in having self-esteem enough to fill my balloon and sail over the walls of the box and out into the world. Feeling capable is the updraft. Capability however is stolen by low self-esteem.

I have honored my creativity over and over yet I wouldn’t call myself an artist. I have written over 1000 blog posts and yet would not say I’m a “successful” writer. But I have successfully pulled of many special events and parties, decorated Christmas trees, and birthed and raised two beautiful children. I am a highly capable person who is completely unaware of her capabilities. Because Fear claims that knowing these capabilities would be unsafe.I Can is About to Fuel the Rest of My Life on Shalavee.com

Staying small and staying safe would be my Fear’s dream vacation. But to my intellect and my inner artist, this is soul death. Once you see that you are smarter than your fear, grateful for it having kept you safe of course, but done kowtowing to it’s every twitch, you end up in charge of your future. A bridge to a new place.

I Can is about to fuel the rest of my life. And I will work harder and be more forgiving than I have ever been towards myself if I can taste the freedom of I Can.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice

I am still figuring out what happened to me last year. I had a rough Fall and an emotional fallout that left me raw and frightened to be myself in ways. The months since have been a time to grieve and reassess and move myself onward.

A year later, I am at the dawning of a new period in my life. I can see what may have happened and I can see what truths and lies I’m telling myself. I thought that my fear was telling me something I couldn’t do but in fact it’s leading me to prove that I can do whatever I want to and that I will keep myself safe in the process.

I have also noticed that just because you have a fearful feeling, it doesn’t automatically prove that there is indeed something wrong. We are missing a volume button on out fear as Elizabeth Gilbert said in her podcast. Fear is all in when it’s engaged. And it’s up to our intellect to discern how grievous and dangerous the situation really is.Third Party Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice on Shalavee.com

That is what the rise in meditation and mindfulness is about. It strengthens the skills of our thinking brain to negotiate and mediate our fear brain with a plan. In the end, it’s still the intellect that’s in charge but if you don’t KNOW that, you will believe fear is in charge. This neutrality to your fear takes practice and makes the only difference between staying stuck and moving onward.

Deciding how you respond to your fear episode

is the greatest skill you can master.

Last year, I just stepped back and watched. And I swore that my fear would never run my life again like that. New anti-anxiety drug, new therapist for EMDR therapy, and every single pain in my body addressed by the appropriate doctor. I am suiting up to remount my steed and rush the windmill again. And I’m feeling alive.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Glam It Up

A 20 something girl got onto the elliptical next to me and I caught a whiff men’s cologne? Smells have a way of taking you to a third dimension, to memories and feelings that would not usually occupy your day. And now they do.

I realize that the memories of the showboating that were my 20’s, could be a bridge to making my 50’s a little more interesting. I just turned 53 and I’m finding my life a little blah. It’s midlife motherhood combined with the aches and pains of becoming old … and I’m bored with myself.

But the change may be a matter of little things like jazz music while we eat, a creativity podcast while I walk, or applying make-up for a day out that may kind of boost my reality. Sound and smells and dressing up seem to boost the normal. And I’m feeling a needed boost right now. Glam It Up on Shalavee.com

My twenty year-old self knew how to put on a show. She dressed up and found her inner somebody else and she flaunted that. Alot. My 53 year-old me would like to remember what it was like to make up me on a moments notice. To done costumes and feel like she was someone else just for a little while. I think giving myself permission to live creatively is the key.

Let me know how you stir up your daily with creativity? Do you play different music? Do you put on make-up? Or listen to a podcast?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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