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F*%ked up

You know, in many ways, I was less eff-ed up throughout my life than I thought I was. Understanding that much of my screwy self was created when I was little living in a dysfunctional family, I did well to come out with the drive to heal that I have. But in a few ways, I was a little more eff-ed up than I admitted I was. In fact, I think we all are. We’re all playing a grand game of “I’m Fine, See?”, but I’m not buying it.

Last year I was certain I was doing everything I possibly could to battle my anxiety. I have been in therapy always, I journal and confess, I read, I ruminate, and I witness with compassion my setbacks. Until suddenly, the fear monster overcame me and my heart was broken in my disbelief. And so I chose to do one more thing to find my way out. I asked for help.

F*%ked up on Shalavee.com

With my anti-anxiety meds, I suddenly felt “normal”. There was no more buzz of fear in my head. No more hum in the sound system that suggests a problem. And as thrilled as I was to no longer be suffering the daily doubt and need to fix me, I also felt like I had woken up in another country. When you think you know the language of life and suddenly you don’t. When it’s always hard and suddenly easy, you wait for the other shoe to drop.

Up to this point, I had been cultivating a theory on how increased creativity can decrease anxiety. Except, what I had truly experienced was that creativity couldn’t take care of the anxiety completely. I wanted it to but it wouldn’t. And I felt such doubt in what I had been working on up until then. So I have awaited a new perspective to allow me new understanding.

At the core, self-trust is what balances and battles anxiety. And however you gain that, that’s your personal answer. Whether it’s creativity, abstinence, habitual self-care, therapy, meditation, the powerful magic of tidying up even one drawer, medication, or any combination of these, the final goal is to be happy and to be less anxious. But what is so important is that we need to do whatever it takes regardless of the stigma f not being OK. Because that snobbish pride prevented me from being less anxious for a long time.

So I’ve decided I’ll go back to pieces and theories I’ve written and mull over what thoughts still resonate and what needs to be overhauled with my new perspective. Raging against the change will not stop it. All that’s left is to find a way to begin again. And then…begin again.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self Love Day

Valentine’s week is here. And I found myself considering what self-love meant to me. Undoubtedly we can not truly pay someone the attention and respect of love unselfishly if we do not have some to spare from our own hearts. But what does self-love look like at it’s best. And can we court or woo ourselves into liking us better?

Self-love is part care-taking and part self-compassion. It’s being a good parent and a gracious host.

I love myself when I eat good for me food I’m happy to eat and that’s yummy too.

I love myself when I spend time with my friends chatting and laughing.

I love myself when I go to the gym and get exercised.

I love myself when I listen to my aches and go to the doctor to check them out.

I love myself when I tell myself I can and I do.

I love myself when I pamper me with hairdos and pedicures and new slippers.

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I love myself when I sit in front of the fire with my laptop and write.

I love myself when I choose to acknowledge something I’m good at rather than bad at.

I love myself when I figure out the tech to be able to listen to good music in the car.

I love myself when I commit to my creativity.

I love myself when I know I did a good job parenting today.

I love myself when I don’t overwhelm myself with too much to do.

I hope everyone has a Lovely Valentine’s day this week and that you shower yourself with intentional self-love too!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Mundane and Marvelous Life We Live

“You don’t own anything, not even your memories. You only get to borrow your life as long as it will let you. “

Life is tenuous and marvelous and if you catch me at a random moment, I probably won’t be appreciating these poetic facts. I’ll be cleaning or chewing or driving. Yet it is so wondrous to exist, you’d think we’d spend more time being in awe of this.

The Mundane and Marvelous Life We Live on Shalavee.com

So I recognize the necessity of mundanity. And I also commit to stopping as often as possible to be in my life at that very moment knowing that I am the only me there will ever be. And that the Universe has spent a lot of effort keeping me alive to enjoy my now.

Living is the largest longest gift I will receive and I would be ungrateful if I didn’t give it my all.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Truth of a Lie

It was bound to happen. My son delivered a bold face lie to my face. When I realized I said,”I knew you’d lie to your Dad but I never thought you’d do it to me.” Needless to say, he was very remorseful for disappointing me. And here’s the thing, we all make choices that are just not good.

The bad choices that we make can hurt others or just ourselves. They are the ones that make us cringe when we think about having made them. And we all make them.

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So the next day, I asked my son to tell his sister what he’s done. Why he wanted to know. Hadn’t he suffered enough already? I said because the only way you will get beyond the shame of making a bad decision is to own it. You have to claim your mistake and no one can ever use it against you again. I’m not sure he gets it yet. But you do.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Spread Your Humanity

I like you because you are uniquely you. Your opinions and anecdotes are from your own life’s experiences. No one else has the perspective you have on life. Being weird is good.

I realize that the same applies to me. All the little things that I think are “wrong” with me are the things that make me uniquely me. My humanity is nothing to be ashamed of. It is the very thing that we have in common.

Share your humanity on Shalavee.com

I’d like to encourage everyone to share your humanity today with someone else, a loved one or even me. Give them something real, something from your heart and see what happens. Respect your strong and tender inner person and let them know they are not alone either.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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