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I Used to Be a Bunny But Now I’m a Turtle

No doubt you are familiar with the story of the tortoise and the hare. The hare, aka bunny, got cocky forseeing a future where he won the race, put on by a bored tyrannical lion, because he was faster than the tortoise, aka turtle. And the bunny lost because he prioritized a nap and his obvious destiny to win over actually being in the race. The story could be a reference to opposing governmental systems but for this post’s purposes, they are past and present me.

I used to be referred to as the Energizer Bunny which I also came to understand stood for my chosen defense mechanism I developed growing up against being criticized by my father: Industrious Overfocused. Looking and being busy staved off the inner voices of my Not Enoughs and I was constantly proving I was worth the value of what I accomplished. But I didn’t believe it until I finally did believe I was enough. That is another story.

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Since my shift, I feel more like Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda. The wise old tortoise knew the powers of being present. He said,”You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” Where I used to worry about what people might think and not making mistakes, I am now mindful that this moment is all I truly have and I cherish each by making the best of them. Whether that’s being present is for my daughter or my son or myself, I recognize the power of my focused attention.

I am taking my life so slowly because I want my impetus to come from personal desire and not the should place of my past. When I come from a place of should, it never works out well. I am being cautiously optimistic that the universe is routing for me. I am working from a place of faith that I am here not only to birth and witness my children, but to do the same for myself. I aspire to be a wise old turtle.

Ps. Another Lesson I learned from Kung Fu Panda was How Chi is all it’s cracked up to be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Reserve the Right to Make a Bad Decision

This morning, I was considering how hard it is sometimes to make a decision. Especially with our epidemic perfectionism, we are often paralyzed by the idea of making a “wrong” decision. But truly, the hardest part about making the decision is making the decision. The carrying out of the decision and the consequences are a matter of wrote and history at that point.

Choice and changes are inevitable. “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice”, from the song Free Will by Rush . There is no way out of change. If we buck our leaders, our mothers, or ourselves, we will create a place where we are alone and mistrusting of our lives. The indecision we experience over a decision is either a symptom of our mistrust of ourselves or can end up causing us to mistrust ourselves more if we give our indecision any credit.

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Instead, if we know that 50% of our choices will not work out, we can assume that 50% will. And we could afford ourselves the respect that any choice we make will be the best we are capable of at the time. When my husband was in a room helping to negotiate a labor contract, the lawyer for the management turned to him and said,”Management reserves the right to make bad decisions.” Touchee.

So instead of undermining ourselves with doubt over whichever choice we make, we would be better off to just concede that we do the best we can with the information we have at a given time and go with our guts. Trust in ourselves is a muscle we build every time we choose. And to respect our need to grow this muscle and that we always do our best, we can be compassionate self-leaders.

I encourage you to reserve the right to make bad choices. Grant yourself permission to be wrong. But you just might be right.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It’s Monday, Be Here Now

Twitchy and his /her mate are helping themselves to the cat food outside on the back porch. I just told Crackers to go enjoy squirrel TV at the window. The heat just kicked on and the heat registers are creaking and squeaking their symphony of protest. No school and I am leisurely writing my post. Because what matters is now.

I’ll let the squirrels graze on cat chow for a few more minutes and make myself some breakfast. Our family is going to the movies today to see the second Lego movie. We’re all excited. There really isn’t anything more important than that. Not today’s politics or the weather or the extra weight on my bum.

It's Monday, Be Here Now on Shalavee.com

The weekend has left me dehydrated and without exercise. And I’m very very aware that we are infinitely more loved and connected to our people in our lives than we realize. We attended a funeral service for a woman so immensely beloved by her community, her death is soul crushing. And her husband so eloquently reminded us that we are inside each other always.

Whenever I see you and you say “Nice to see you”, I’m gonna say, “Its nice to be seen”, because the other option is to be gone. I’m letting my daughter catch me smiling at her. I’m being with her until she walks away. And I’m laughing, always laughing.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

F*%ked up

You know, in many ways, I was less eff-ed up throughout my life than I thought I was. Understanding that much of my screwy self was created when I was little living in a dysfunctional family, I did well to come out with the drive to heal that I have. But in a few ways, I was a little more eff-ed up than I admitted I was. In fact, I think we all are. We’re all playing a grand game of “I’m Fine, See?”, but I’m not buying it.

Last year I was certain I was doing everything I possibly could to battle my anxiety. I have been in therapy always, I journal and confess, I read, I ruminate, and I witness with compassion my setbacks. Until suddenly, the fear monster overcame me and my heart was broken in my disbelief. And so I chose to do one more thing to find my way out. I asked for help.

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With my anti-anxiety meds, I suddenly felt “normal”. There was no more buzz of fear in my head. No more hum in the sound system that suggests a problem. And as thrilled as I was to no longer be suffering the daily doubt and need to fix me, I also felt like I had woken up in another country. When you think you know the language of life and suddenly you don’t. When it’s always hard and suddenly easy, you wait for the other shoe to drop.

Up to this point, I had been cultivating a theory on how increased creativity can decrease anxiety. Except, what I had truly experienced was that creativity couldn’t take care of the anxiety completely. I wanted it to but it wouldn’t. And I felt such doubt in what I had been working on up until then. So I have awaited a new perspective to allow me new understanding.

At the core, self-trust is what balances and battles anxiety. And however you gain that, that’s your personal answer. Whether it’s creativity, abstinence, habitual self-care, therapy, meditation, the powerful magic of tidying up even one drawer, medication, or any combination of these, the final goal is to be happy and to be less anxious. But what is so important is that we need to do whatever it takes regardless of the stigma f not being OK. Because that snobbish pride prevented me from being less anxious for a long time.

So I’ve decided I’ll go back to pieces and theories I’ve written and mull over what thoughts still resonate and what needs to be overhauled with my new perspective. Raging against the change will not stop it. All that’s left is to find a way to begin again. And then…begin again.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self Love Day

Valentine’s week is here. And I found myself considering what self-love meant to me. Undoubtedly we can not truly pay someone the attention and respect of love unselfishly if we do not have some to spare from our own hearts. But what does self-love look like at it’s best. And can we court or woo ourselves into liking us better?

Self-love is part care-taking and part self-compassion. It’s being a good parent and a gracious host.

I love myself when I eat good for me food I’m happy to eat and that’s yummy too.

I love myself when I spend time with my friends chatting and laughing.

I love myself when I go to the gym and get exercised.

I love myself when I listen to my aches and go to the doctor to check them out.

I love myself when I tell myself I can and I do.

I love myself when I pamper me with hairdos and pedicures and new slippers.

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I love myself when I sit in front of the fire with my laptop and write.

I love myself when I choose to acknowledge something I’m good at rather than bad at.

I love myself when I figure out the tech to be able to listen to good music in the car.

I love myself when I commit to my creativity.

I love myself when I know I did a good job parenting today.

I love myself when I don’t overwhelm myself with too much to do.

I hope everyone has a Lovely Valentine’s day this week and that you shower yourself with intentional self-love too!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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