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Loving Those Fears Right Out of My Head

Self-development is a very exciting yet solitary process. It comes in spurts, things catch my brain and I instinctively know I need to follow the breadcrumbs to find the answer to “how will this help me to understand myself better”. That is my process and this week I heard a story about self-love and boundaries calling me in.

I have often felt a rawness when in relation to others. And that would be due to my lack of knowing where they stop and I begin. In a recent Instagram post, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how she’s noticed many people live angry all the time because of their lack of boundaries and feeling encroached on. But, she says, “Not everybody gets to have full access to you.” There’s a different distance for everyone in your life. People who earned more trust get more access. In other words, not everything anyone says to you has to mean anything or affect you.

She says, “When they are held at the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them. Until then, you are just using that person as a weapon to beat yourself up. Put an end to it.”

Loving those fears right out of my head on Shalavee.com

Problems always truly come down to fear. I say that anyone who’s acting like a jackass, including myself, is probably feeling some fear at that time. I find it hard to put my work out in the world because I am afraid of judgment. My inability to stand proud in my talents and products screams fear blockage. In a recent newsletter,

Australian entrepreneur and Female Rights activist Samantha Nolan-Smith said,”When you clear that fear, you can literally be unstoppable. Other people’s judgments just roll off you because you feel complete and whole in yourself. When you’ve already accepted yourself exactly as you are, their judgment is… just a useful piece of information about that person, but tells you nothing about yourself and doesn’t wound you in any way. I’m calling it visibility liberation.”

There are methods of clearing the fears and they take concerted work. First priority is to admit that you have fears and they are keeping you shackled to where you are. There’s no need to feel ashamed of them or to judge them. In fact, the only way to begin to navigate away from our fears is to be compassionate about why they are there. What sad tales do they derive from that we can forgive ourselves for? It is in the application of empathy and humanity that we’ll no longer be under the grips of these fears that have held us hostage for so long.

In her book A Heart of Gold: Lessons on the Path to Loving Kindness, Jane Reeves says “Compassion is what happens before Self-Love…Compassion is how we begin to untether all the tangled parts…Compassion is how we train for self-love.”

Loving those fears right out of my head on Shalavee.com

So how do I incorporate more self-compassion into my days? What practice can I adopt and embrace to begin this valuable fear relinquishing process? I suspect at least meditation could be truly helpful. This is where I am because I refuse to let my self-esteem languish in the “not enough” zone. That is an insult to everyone who loves me and all the efforts I’ve ever made.

I want to relinquish these shackles and risk and write things that will be of benefit to the world. I want to feel excited as I deliver every new idea in a way that serves me and those I care for. I want to get the heck out of my way. And I know the only way to do this is to work on loving those fears right out of my head.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Value the Heck out of Our Good Educators

We have our kid enrolled in a public school. He’s a super smart kid, scores ridiculously high on those school standardized tests, and we’d absolutely go into debt to pay for a private school if it was the right thing. But he’s a musician and the music program at his school is marvelous. The reason the school’s music program is so very good is because of one teacher. One amazing dedicated inspirational teacher.

He’s the guy who was a music nerd in school just like my kid. He’s turned Eamon and his classmates on to Jazz and Buddhism and a number of wonderful things that would have meant nothing coming from me. And he hears and sees each of those kids. And they feel heard and seen. They feel like they belong there in that class. In a time when we are fast becoming cogs in a giant wheel, it is more important than ever to acknowledge our children as the people that they are. They need to know they belong somewhere and are not just being asked, nay commanded, to fit in.Value the Heck out of Our Good Educators on Shalavee.com

So imagine our outrage when the mandate got handed down that the 8th grade middle-schoolers in Maryland would have to fulfill a mandatory language credit for one half of the year instead of having band. So for one half of the year, band and choir and art students all had to give up their sense of belonging to complete a credit of something they’ll get plenty of in high school. He was unhappy and so my son passed around a petition to these children which they all signed because they thought maybe their disappointment would be heard.

The story will continue to play out. These children will not get that time back to be seen and feel good about themselves being who they are this school year. And sadly, the program in high school isn’t the same and many of them will drop out. Not my kid but for many, this is their last chance before life continues its artistic oppression.

So on behalf of Eamon’s music teacher, and for all the teachers who deserve the credit we keep forgetting to give them, write a thank you note to one you appreciate. Gush if you can. Because they deserve to hear our appreciation for the mostly thankless job they do. Their administrators just don’t get that it’s truly about the students. Their advocacy, their support, and their chance to be seen for exactly who they are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Evil Organizer/Date Planner

I have a love/hate relationship with my Virgoan tendencies. While I do love to have things orderly and organized, it can often be a double-edged sword. Because not having things uber-organized can make me feel like a loser. The tale of my love/hate relationship with my evil organizer/date planner follows.

For two years for my birthday I bought myself the Get To Work Book. It’s a bit pricey for a calendar and organizational book but the author Elise Joy is lovely and an artist and I thought it would be just the thing to get myself more orderly and more productive. And at times it did that exact thing. But mostly I ended up feeling like a loser.

I guess I’m an all or nothing kinda gal. I’m all in or go home. And the fact that I couldn’t keep up with my own intentions to succeed (don’t mention that I just had a wicked case of fear of visibility and vulnerability) made me loathe myself just that much more. As if I needed any other reasons. I didn’t order the 2017-2018 Get to Work Book to prove that I could succeed in life without it. And I did.

So this year, with new intentions and goals, I got a new organizer that touts its organizational prowess. And for the first couple days I was feeling mighty organized. I was getting stuff done. And then I hit the bump. Where my best laid plans got derailed because there just wasn’t enough time to do everything I wanted to do. And that familiar disappointed feeling came on again.The Evil Organizer/Date Planner on Shalavee.com

I knew I’d let myself down. Where I get stuck with looking at the same task and procrastinate on it because it feels so so big and impossible. The task that my self-worth has hung on for years. And I’m tempted to toss the new organizer on a neglected shelf. But I don’t. Because I think there’s stuff here that I need to get comfortable with. Stuff I need to get intimate with to learn from.

I saw a driveway today doubled up with two rows of cars that looked like they were all in need of some sort of repair. And I realized that that’s my mental driveway. With that many tasks to do, it will never look like I’m succeeding even though I am. In fact the opposite may be true. The amount of accomplishments I do get done daily is staggering considering all that is on my plate. And I’m the only one who can’t see this.

So I will choose to drop back and get a fresh perspective on my over-achieving ways. It isn’t the planner’s fault (although the papers too thin to use anything other than pencil or a ballpoint pen otherwise is will bleed through.) The organizational tools that we use are only as good as our intentions in using them. And if mine doesn’t allow for my life to also happen while I’m being “productive” then I need to re-frame what it’s doing in my life again.

PS. Just as I had finished writing this piece, into my inbox came the notification that the New 2019 Get To Workbooks were ready to be pre-ordered. And I did exactly that. Respect the Ebb and Flow indeed. The hard things are not about the datebook.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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