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Belonging to Myself

I feel unqualified to be an adult. Like someone didn’t give me the manual and the rule book. And I’ll be found out. I was raised to need someone else to give me a sense of belonging. It would seem my kryptonite is my own independence. This is the story I am discovering and hoping to rewrite. And may well be the story of many women who feel their purpose of existence is to serve others.

But I have found that not belonging to myself causes me great grief. A sense of being untethered and ungrounded. Not belonging to you means that you look for all your comfort and sense of identity from others. And I am adamant that my daughter finds a way to be here for herself. We had a conversation about this once and she called it her Body Buddy. Imagine the kind of love and acceptance we could give ourselves and then to the world if we belonged to ourselves, inside the bodies we have, with the compassion of angels.Belonging to Myself on Shalavee.com

What is a sense of Self-belonging comprised of? Self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge perhaps. A feeling of faith that you are here just as you need to be when you should be. That you have everything you need within you to fulfill your purpose here. And you are never alone as long as you know that you are a pretty awesome friend to you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge

You, Yes, you are in charge of your life. I am adamant about stating that your life is for you to plan. Even if you choose to do what others suggest you do, it’s always been your final choice to make. You are in charge of your own life plus the lives of your small ones. And for the most part, this in charge status also extends to your family’s way of living. You are probably steering your family boat as a Mama.

Without this understanding, other people think they’re in charge of you. The kid in the Target who is melting down and then the mother says they’ll leave without the toy but then she doesn’t leave after threatening to time and time again? He’s in charge and they are both scared and doomed. The woman who consents to live in a house with dangerous people around her children, she is making the choice to put them in harm’s way. Or to stay in an abusive marriage, she is punishing her own inner child by continuing to stay. I’ve been there. 

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge on Shalavee.comBut here’s the part that makes me want to scream when I remember it. No one has to repress you if you willingly judge, bash, and self-bully yourself daily for them. Your choice for empowerment is in your hands everyday. We have everything we physically need daily to change the course of our lives to safer and happier and better. And yet, our heads tell us lies we believe and we stay stuck and ashamed.

If the people in your life do not support you in your journey towards self-betterment, they need to step gently off your train. If you blame your parents for messing you up or your children for being a burden, look again. Your choice starts with perspective and an acknowledgement of your power to choose.

The most beautiful gift we give away for so much of our lives is our choices and our voices. It may feel like a weight to take them back but the opposite is true. Owning them will set you free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Waiting for the Grump to Leave so I Could Live

This past weekend, we had an impromptu birthday potluck supper at my house. I spent Saturday afternoon exchanging my living room with my dining room and did all the rearranging my heart desired. But it took a good couple of hours for the cleaning and decorating therapy to kick in and cure me of a sour mood I seemed to be in. I wasn’t dreading my birthday, in fact I was looking very forward to all the festivities.Waiting for the Grump to Leave so I Could Live on Shalavee.com

I realized the next day that my inner people had held their breath until the grumpy bitch finally packed up her things and left. Our inner children only want to play and be happy. They could care less if the couches were cat hair free or the chair wobbled, they just wanted to be with friends. Our inner adults have way too many stipulations sometimes about how things have to be perfectly done.

Sometimes we steel ourselves against joy. We think that we’ll save ourselves heartbreak by not creating situations to look forward to and thus be devastated by disappointment. But you must play the odds to win. If you don’t put enough umph into shooting all the way to the hole, you’ll miss the birdy my husband says.Waiting for the Grump to Leave so I Could Live on Shalavee.com

So here’s to getting out of your own way and allowing for gleeful opportunities to arise. To putting your best effort into your life and home that you be proud of yourself when people do visit. And to keeping the door open for joy, always joy.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Driving Through the Doubt Storm

Through the work of the magnificent Sas Pethrick, I received a huge aha about myself recently. I took her quiz on my self-doubt archetype and, BAM, I was exposed. I do have a tough time believing I can do the hard things. I do believe I need someone’s help for everything or it’s impossible. And I know that I am very vulnerable to any criticism. I do procrastinate to avoid proving how unqualified I am at being an adult. She said I was an Innocent archetype. And she was spot on. While I am optimistic, loyal, and spontaneous, I struggle with self-doubt and self-belief.

Although I have begun to heal some of this behavior (I no longer time-debt and have begun proving I can do hard things, see the Wholehearted Living story I wrote for Terri Connelan’s Quiet Writing blog), I can feel the oppressive shadow of doubt looming. A constant companion that no longer serves. So, two days ago I set myself to creating vignette pictures for a blog site revamp that’s held me hostage for years.Driving Through the Doubt Storm

As I stood there looking down at all these little pieces of flowers and whatnots and began to arrange them and take pictures, the chatter began. Negative comments about how the light wasn’t right or how I wasn’t sure if this was how I needed to do it “right”. And I made myself stand there and continue to work through those mean nuisances that were my thoughts. Kept standing and kept rearranging and kept taking pictures. Until I was done. And I felt better. My resistance was futile as I drove through it.

The next day, I sat at the computer and I began to edit and upload the pictures. And I felt better as I did this because I saw how pretty my pictures were. I did a good job of doing the work and driving through the wreck that was my self-doubt storm. Every time I do the hard things, I kindle a spark of trust inside for my reliability and my ability. And that feels like pride. Stay tune for the results of a long long road to my self-recovery.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why I am the Most Prolific Blogger You are Not Reading

I started my blog 7 years ago. Right before I got pregnant with my last child. The blog helped me to focus on writing regularly and to better my writing skills. I also gained confidence and esteem as I had to put myself out here and socialize with the world which I otherwise would never have done. And it gave me something to be and do besides mothering. A chance to have my own identity: myself.

It’s been a gradual metamorphosis. I have begun to finally see that I perhaps Can do things that seem hard and be vulnerable and I won’t die. But the number one thing that has kept my readership low is that I hardly ever ask anyone to do anything. I only started asking people to even read my blog on Instagram maybe a year ago. I was afraid they wouldn’t want to read, that I wasn’t worthy of the read, so why ask.Why I am the Most Prolific Blogger You are Not Reading on Shalavee.com

Except I was worthy of reading. But the internet only rewards those who step up and tell you what to do. Read Me Now!  Just because I have good content doesn’t mean I will be found by my best and most perfect readership. And if my writing doesn’t hold someones’ attention, I’d rather them walk away than be unhappy. I am a dedicated and prolific writer and blogger and the number one reason that I don’t have a bigger following is because I never thought myself worthy of them. But I’m working like heck on it !

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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