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Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become

I was washing dishes this morning and it occurred to me that I may actually be basing my journey of becoming me on not wanting to be certain qualities. That I’m attempting to become myself by avoiding becoming something else. And that struck me as kinda stupid.

Where I’d agree, knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want, I think becoming by avoidance sounds like fear may be driving. And once fear is in the driver’s seat, your public transportation vehicle is then careening all over the road because fear doesn’t make good rational decisions and doesn’t heed the rules.

Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did” might sound like a reasonable excuse not to start a family but it’s not on the up and up. It’s completely excluding all the benefits of having that kind of love in your life and adding it to the world.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

These are the “don’t want to’s” that are gumming up my works. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. I don’t want to seem to be some kinda of know-it-all when I’m not. I don’t want to act like/be perceived as a narcissist. I don’t want to make anything I’m doing about money. I don’t want to make anything more important than my children. My fear has all the bases covered for making no progress with very pragmatic sounding excuses.

We all have the final power to create and recreate ourselves and our stories all the time. But fear-based self creation serves no one. If I pursue my passions and my children miss me for a night or two while I take care of my project or am out-of-town, that will make us all appreciate each other more. If I limit my reach and my connections with the wider world because I’m afraid of taking on too much, I’ll dial it back when it begins to be too much.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

Staying small has never benefited anyone. And people who believe in who I am and what I am saying will also get my true intentions and my integrity. Those who don’t, won’t. Perhaps it’s those exact people I need to have faith in to guide me through my fear decisions and tell me the truth. Because my friends and family know I can even when I don’t think I can. I want to know what they already do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Self-Care May also Look Like

It feels like I’m just now coming out of the tale-spin of the holidays, more first of the year obligations, and the winter illnesses that somehow have besieged us at the same time. All the gorgeous clarity and connectedness of my writing and intention work has joined so many other forgotten goals and projects and they’re piled in a conceptual corner of my soul’s hallway. I see them but have forgotten how and why they even ended up there.

The purpose and brilliance of my forgotten goals and projects have been lost in the shuffle that is life.

Spells of over-obligation, stress, and fear create piles of unattended to stuff. And if you are an overachiever, or industrial overfocuser, you may have even more leftover undone stuff that is piled in that corner of the hall which now has a force-field around it. You assume the pile is untouchable since it’s been there so long. And at the very moment when you are weighing the importance of the contents of that pile, consider cleaning up that pile may be an act of self-care.What Self-Care May also Look Like on Shalavee.com

Sometimes self-care looks like long hot showers, smelly candles, an hour of uninterrupted reading, binge watching videos of choice, or getting a manicure. Sometimes, for me, it’s having hours to myself to think and write (thus creating this pile of thoughts and dreams I abandoned). And sometimes self-care is getting to the very thing that’s bugging you most and making a decision on it once and for all.

Being your own parent and putting yourself to the “hard tasks” can be the most relieving caring thing you can do for you. Telling another person how you truly feel as kindly as possible can be one. Cancelling the gym membership that was supposed to motivate you and make you feel better and now just makes you feel like a failure. Because it’s now Spring and self-care can actually look like a walk in the park. What can you do to make your soul lighter today?What Self-Care May also Look Like on Shalavee.com

Today, I’m catching up on writing blog posts, and that creativity feels like self-care. I called to make a doctor’s appointment for something that may or may not be something I need to be worried about. I made a hair appointment and a date for drinks. And I ate very healthily for lunch after a nice long walk in the sunshine. And in a little while, I’m going to begin to dig out that pile in the corner of my soul’s hallway. Self-care is serious business and I want to know I did right by myself at the end of the day. That I am not the pile of unattended stuff in the corner thank you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Apples vs. Oranges : My Worth as a Woman and Mother

” Wow ”, I said, “How do you find all that time to read”, I ask. She says, “Well, I don’t have children to take care of. When I did, I didn’t have time to read either.” Validation there for the taking. Women are the best supporters and the worst critics.

My Mom was a woman of the 60’s. I am a woman of the 80’s. We were pioneers in freedom and equality for women. Feminism and bra burning. Corporate ladders and the Working Girl with padded shoulders. I could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let him forget he’s a man. And sometimes I find our modern day’s concepts of girl power are still sorta Spice-girl-esque, we’re strong together wearing cute clothing. It’s better than nothing I suppose.Apples vs. Oranges : My Worth as a Woman and Mother on Shalavee.com

But when we’re alone, left to our own circling thought processes of fear and bottomless devotion to our families, we lose sight again and again, or maybe we never had truly had sight, of where we start and stop and the rest of the world begins. Our expectations of ourselves are to be superhuman and somehow that never includes the stuff we do daily.

I fear that we’ve accepted and embodied all the perfectionistic self-hate causing crap from Suburban Disney subplots that we are now our own perfect persecutors and jailers. Who needs to keep the woman down when she does such a good job of it herself? Add some extra nasty anger/shame/guilt wars between working and staying home Moms and sit back and watch the fairer females make jackasses of themselves depleting their and their daughter’s power all for the prize of pretty, wealthy, and skinny.Apples vs. Oranges : My Worth as a Woman and Mother on Shalavee.com

I struggle to feel my empowerment often when the relentlessness of parenthood gets to me. I have been desperate at times to prove I am more than “just a mother”. Because perhaps I demean this job like so many others. Until lovely people who used to be Moms or mental health care professionals remind me that raising healthy centered children is a gift to the world. That yes, it’s hard and mind-numbing and truly a superhuman thing , if only we Moms would see it as such.

Stay aware of yourself and the stories you tell. I am constantly aware that the story I live right in front of my daughter is the one, bad or good, that she will have permission to live herself. The kind compassionate mother I think I am to my children will only be as good as the one I am to myself. And my value is not determined by my achievements nor my salary. My value is who I am as a friend, a mother, and a human being. Only I can take that away from me.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser

The Viva Havana auction and fundraiser which had held my thoughts hostage for so many months prior, ended up being a success. I had planned out everything ahead and took the time I needed to follow through with all my projects. It all fell into place despite sick children and foul weather. So I thought I’d show you some pictures of the event in case you missed seeing them. Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Mark had done a fundraiser last year so we already had the street scene gobo, a picture we projected on to the wall.

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

The palm trees were all my making. Some found columns plus paper bags and Pinterest and I only spent another $50 to bring the trees to life.

The process wasn’t complicated but the leaves became monotonous in the making. .

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Everyone kept exclaiming how much fun they were having that I knew it was a success. If you ask people to give, everyone who does so needs to feel compensated. Our gift is good food and beautiful event decor. Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

Viva Havana Auction and Fundraiser on Shalavee.com

 

Besides my trees and my big paper flowers, this look was achieved with Black and white drapes, fete lighting, cocktail tables, and up-lighting within the aqua and hot pink color scheme. 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Living With the Constant Assumption That I’m Doing it Wrong

Living with the constant assumption that I am doing it wrong is exhausting. Such an unsettling daily diet of mixed thoughts. After a daily uncertainty of what it was I liked and who I was mingled with the importance of others’ opinions of me and what it takes to be “cool”, my brain would overload and short-circuit. Sometimes before noon.

So with nothing else to lose, I slowly started to renovate my mind.

I tossed out caring about the approval of others and replaced it with “does it make me happy”? This was a cold turkey people pleasing cessation but it worked.Living With the Constant Assumption That I'm Doing it Wrong on Shalavee.com

I chose to truly listen to what others said were my good qualities and began to build knowledge of who I was whom I liked. And I now pay attention to the things that I am passionate about which then show me what purpose I may have, what people I need in my life, and what direction is most likely to make me happy.

I am still shy of thinking I am cool. I would like to adopt my cocky teenage self back into my life. She was at least good at playing the bad-ass. She may have faked it pretty good but sometimes that’s the best next step until the real thing hits us.

You have no assets, talents, abundance, or inherent worth unless you think you do. People can continue to insist you have these things but until you believe you have them, you don’t. Self-worth equates to what you value in you and then you get to have fun sharing these goodies and mingling them with others’ worth and talents, not vice versa.Living With the Constant Assumption That I'm Doing it Wrong on Shalavee.com

Cleaning up your nonsensical outdated modes of thought takes time and effort, Yes. But the value that this effort brings to your life is rather almost immeasurable. I am more solid, less twitchy. I don’t feel compelled to honor others’ opinions over my own, just be open to them.

So far, I’d say my renovation is going pretty well. And all it cost me was being open to replace the stuff that was broken anyway. It’s not “easy” but there’s nothing worth committing to more than yourself (your lousy for others without a solid you) however long it takes to shift to seeing yourself as the person you are and are meant to be. You just need to allow for the possibility of change.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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