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We All Feel This Way

On two occasions recently, I was gifted these words :”We all feel this way.” And it struck me so profoundly that I thought I should share this in case you too were feeling a little like “no one will understand” and “I’m the only one”.

I know we all think that we’re the only ones. In fact, some say that addicts feel they are “terminally unique”. The entitlement to our “unique” pain fuels our self-hatred and our loneliness. It both defines us and outcasts us. And gives us cause to assuage our pain with our many pain reducing choices of addiction.

I told my friends that I didn’t always feel so certain about what I knew and wanted and that everyone should believe me when I often have doubts about where I’m standing and what I’m really doing. And my friend said,”We all feel that way.” And I believed her. My doubts are not a deficit but a human commonality and do not detract from the legitimacy of anything I say or believe. I know what I know and yet I don’t know it all. That’s OK.We All Feel This Way on Shalavee.com

So I was killing some time cruising through a thrift store. I put my hands on a very soft nice pair of pants that were in my size and a size I no longer wished I was in. I commented to the lady who took my money that I felt aggravated at buying this size (and that perhaps the only way to move forward is to accept where we are now). And the woman said, “We all feel that way.” Sadly, we women often bemoan our aging and plumping, our metabolic slowdown making us cushions for our grandchildren. Our humanity is our commonality.We All Feel This Way on Shalavee.com

I do believe that many of us feel the same about our bodies changing and there’s always a comfort in knowing we are not alone. I would never wish suffering on others but we might as well find comfort in knowing each other’s grief is similar And if we want to change where we are, we need to find the support or an account-a-bili-buddy for our new plan so that we can feel we have the power to hedge our own bets against mother nature slowly. And know we’re not alone in doing so.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

People Come and They Go

I saw a gentleman at church who I’d not seen in a while. And I remarked that it is the nature of us as people to come and go, to join and disappear. It’s a sad but true fact sometimes. People come and they go.

There are so many groups that I am a member of on Facebook. Groups for bloggers and mamas and creatives and who knows what else. But I am not there anymore. There was a purpose for them in my life and now there isn’t. It’s a sad but true fact. People come and they go.

We move on. Our circles expand and contract. We shift communities with schools and jobs and interests. It would be nice to stay in touch with many of these people who’s company we really enjoyed but their lives were shifting too. Our shifting is inevitable.People come and they go on Shalavee.com

As humans we sooo want everything to stay the same. We want comfort and continuity and constancy. But the only thing we can count on is the flux. And the only way we can not lose ourselves to it is to be here now. Be with our people with all of ourselves and show up for them and keep connected with them.

And when they leave, know that it’s their lives that they are living or letting go of. They need to persue what makes them happy and we need to wish them luck in the hopes they would do the same for us.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Your Community

The beginning of the year found me dreading my duties ahead. I had somehow volunteered to spearhead our fellowship’s fundraiser and I was not excited. My ego was dreadfully afraid of failing and two wise men gave me some extraordinary advice. One said, “your community will show up for you” and the other said, “if it fails, it’s your community that will have failed not you”. Permission and perspective were gained immediately.

 

Two days ago, I sent out an email requesting help with the food for this Cuban themed event. I needed some traditional cooking as well as some “buy it” and “pour it” in a bowl types of supplies. And within 12 hours, my people showed up and were on board for all the items. All of them. I could have cried.Your Community on Shalavee.com

 

Asking for anything is tremendously hard. You risk rejection when you ask. But when you are asking on behalf of a community, it feels like double jeopardy. Your good name and your cause are at stake. But our egos somehow forget that the Community concept means we are collectively responsible. In fact, those who care about the community as well are so glad that they’re not the one doing all the work, they’ll be glad to grab those chips or make that cake to show their gratitude for the efforts being made.

 

Equally important, how else can you learn your humility life lessons but through being of service to your community? Be that community your church, your school, your county, or gender, showing up holds so much power and impacts everyone. The efforts show us our value and shows others their value to us. In this instance, being in this process showed me how generous and loving my fellowship is when my fear of failure wanted to be my message.

Your Community on Shalavee.com

I will be immensely grateful to have accomplished this Herculean task and proven that I could. But I will also try not to lose sight that I must trust in my community as they have shown me their honor and reliability. Those are good reasons to keep being devoted. And I wanted to make sure that this lesson was not left unspoken.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Recent Shift from I Can’t to I Can

My consciousness of my thoughts and the world brought a new concept to me recently which resonated. Do I think that “the world is for me or against me” ? Say something bad happens to me today, do I think that I deserve this? Is the world thwarting me in my efforts to rise? It may sound silly but I do believe that for most of my life, I had a tragic sense of lost or missed worth. That the world knew that I was less than and I was just complying with that decision until I was worth more. So yes, I believe I’ve held the belief that the world was against me. And That I couldn’t. But now I’m starting to believe I can.

I do however recognize that if I believe I will receive help from the world, I will then manifest that help. If that means speaking to anyone who will listen about what I’m trying to manifest, then there’s the trick. We can not rise alone after all. And if the “world” means everyone I meet, I might as well hedge my bets on having them “for me”. I may need to behave as if I assume everyone will be nice and helpful. I truly think most people are.I can on Shalavee.com

I also recently realized that I’ve held tight to a belief that I Can’t do a lot of things. I’m not sure I’m looking at any evidence that supports that, it’s just generally something I’ve believed…until recently. If the world was against me and I lacked every skill ever to accomplish anything than perhaps “I can’t”. But I intuited too that if I believed I can’t then I don’t have to try because I already know how it’s going to turn out. I can’t.

But in a practice I’ve adopted recently where maybe every other day, I write out 5 things or more that I’ve accomplished, I’ve begun to understand that there’s a whole heck of a lot more that I’m capable of than I ever thought myself capable of before. And the shift from I Can’t to I Can’t has been kind of surprising and lovely.I can on Shalavee.com

In a brain space where I Can, I have so much more room.  If I Can then …

  • I can decide what dreams I feel like pursuing and not pursue others’
  • I can make confident decisions about what clutter in my mind and my space can be thrown out
  • I can start anything with the understanding that my best effort is always pretty good and good enough
  • I can risk
  • I can plot new goals and new adventures for myself to enjoy
  • I can stay present

As I am sitting here deciding what to decide, to let go of, and what to do next, I realize that the “I Can” decision is one of the most mighty and empowering shifts, and gifts, I could have had. How about You? Can You?

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

January Decisions

Like a permanent pause, the winter break has extended out with snowy weather. We are all at home again today doing what work or play needs to be done. I am trying stay patient, understanding that this too shall pass and we’ll be busy busy busy again soon enough. It’s an odd place to be. But I also realize it is an opportunity to look at the decisions I need to make about who I want to be this year. And see if I’m prioritizing others over myself. And what fears I may be avoiding.

See, not too long ago I was an underachieving overachiever. My stress coping system of Industrious Overfocused combined with my never enough attitude had me doing amazing amounts of work and never giving myself the credit.January Decisions on Shalavee.com

The work looked like writing, housework, volunteerism, social media making, children’s care-taking, and a good bit of exercise. I have always been a runner. Of course I never thought any of the work or exercise was enough. I’ve always been sure I just could do better than I’ve done. I just needed more. More time, more resolve, more organization.

But in the past several months, I was forced to stop. My sinus surgery mandated that I needed to literally sit down. I couldn’t exercise for three weeks as I had a wound near my brain essentially. And that combined with the ongoing battle against the pain in my hip/back joint had me down for the count. I was forced to be still. I am now emerging from this place.January Decisions on Shalavee.com

I have decisions to make. I must decide if I’m old. I must decide if what I aspire to do is for other people or for myself. I must discern whether my work is important enough to prioritize over all other busyness, sometimes family even, or whether it’s OK to prioritize them over myself. It’s all my choice.

January gives us the opportunity to regroup, recenter, and redecide where we stand in our own lives. We just need to rise to our own occasion of deciding what’s next and why and who for. And we need to have a dishwasher that works.January Decisions on Shalavee.com

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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