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Fool-headed Husbands Need to Let Go of Control

I was a lunch guest of a woman whom I liked her and admired for starting her own Interior design business. I always thought interior decorating was one of those professions I’d missed my calling for. And she was a liberal thinker, funny, and kind.

Within her lovely home, there was a dining room set that was funky and chunky but dark. And when I suggested she just go ahead and paint it, she said “Oh no, my husband wouldn’t approve of that.” They’d bought it together at an expensive local antiques dealer’s you see. He felt had a stake in it’s future. Fool-headed husbands need to know their place.Fool-headed Husbands Need to Let Go of Control on Shalavee.com

While speaking to another woman recently about something house decorating oriented, I heard her repeat the echo of how her husband wouldn’t like that. And I realized I feel slightly crazed at this concept. As in, what the heck are people doing?

In the case of the designer, she’s the designer! Unless her husband’s a renowned designer himself, who cares what he thinks. In the case of every other woman, the home is ours to command. We deserve at least this much room to be happy within. Husbands are typically installation and demolition. Why do they feel the need to control all other realms of the home? If it makes us happy, let us be happy. Did I say What the Heck?Fool-headed Husbands Need to Let Go of Control on Shalavee.com

I often say to women, “You know you are in charge right?” Maybe you don’t really want to always be and I can understand that but the man who doesn’t fear and respect his wife is a ding-dong. We’d give selflessly of ourselves, share our food and our lap with any small beast in need. I believe we deserve to be supported in whatever makes us happy within the house. We need some compliance within reasonable bounds. The generosity shows back up in your beds you fool-headed husbands.

Because, as a former president once said to the rest of the former presidents at a luncheon for incoming president Obama, “If Mama’s not happy, no one is happy.” Wise men they all were.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

51 years and Counting

Oh I know I don’t look like I’m 51 years old. Because somehow the beauty is supposed to have faded by now. We recede into the cracks at the menopausal age, no longer prized for our beauty, not yet wise enough to be called such. Or is that just the crap I remember being terrified of when I was in my 20’s considering the aging process?

The good news is, my genetics are such that I’ll always look younger than I am and I’ll outlive everybody. But the mental shift which is suggested I embrace, from valuing my outsides to considering the alternative value of my insides is just as good, well that’s rubbing me the wrong way just for today.

My hair began falling out in clumps when I had Fiona. The hormone levels that I needed to carry her but no longer had, plummeted and I was already 46 so who needs hair. My metabolism slowed down and I began to fear my every ache as something cataclysmic. So, as I’m battling those aches and pains with everything I’ve got, I’ve felt the gooeyness that is the slowing metabolism and loss of collagen. It completely freaks me out to feel my skin rolling over and touching itself under my bra. Not cool.Yup, I Just Turned 51 on Shalavee.com

I am energetic, young at heart, and enthusiastic about grabbing all the goodness and gratitude out of my life that I can before I pass on. But I refuse to act graceful as I continue to age. If I want to rage against the fading of my beauty or my strength or stamina after a while, that is mine to have a fit about. And I will think no less of you if I catch you muttering ungraciously about your aging under your breath too. That being said, I really had a ridiculously fun and celebratory month so far. I planned all sorts of dates with my family and friends all culminating in a crab feast this weekend. My life’s pretty grand. Perhaps I’ll don my tiara for our crab feast too.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Impatience Makes You Feel You’ve Already Failed

Have you ever you read something and thought immediately you needed that to be true for you too? Sooner than Later. My journey through blogging and self-discovery has set me face to face with so many options and ideas on how to be and do. And it would seem that I often did myself an injustice with my impatience. I wanted desperately to change where I was on my journey timeline. I wanted to be successful and self-actualized already! But because I couldn’t, I felt perpetually bad instead.

Personally, and professionally, I had set my expectations and goals so high, I had to rise to them to be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance… or else I was a failure. Right Now.

There’s no room for humanity in there. There’s no room for growth, no acknowledgement of what I’d already accomplished, and nowhere to stand that’s not inside my skin that felt bad on me.

My impatience was a clue that I already thought I was a failure. The trick is, to move on, you actually have to be OK with where you are now. And then you have to trust yourself that you either posses or will find all the pieces to make that puzzle work. The true trick is in trusting yourself. Impatience Makes You Feel You've Already Failed on Shalavee.com

I came up with an acronym today for TRUST. Take Root Under (the) Self Tree.

We need to feel secure in our ability to shelter ourselves from the life storms. We have to feel grounded in our own vast amounts of knowledge and experience. We can not move on, trust others, or find our own work brilliant, if we don’t have a relationship with ourselves that isn’t hostile and anxiety filled. All that comes of that is more self-bullying and anxiety.

I discovered that being mean to myself and comparing myself and my blog to others and their bodies or bodies of work didn’t help motivate me in the least. So I have my grounding rock in my pocket, I’m sitting down each day to devote myself to my craft and my self-discovery. And my hope is that this work will pay off eventually. So for now, I’m going to trust the process and be OK with right where I am now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Re-establishing Trust With You is the Most Important Thing You’ll Ever Do

Re-establishing trust with you is the most important thing you’ll ever do

It takes witchcraft to conjure items from nowhere and that’s exactly what it feels like when you’re attempting to manifest a feeling you’ve truly never felt before like happiness and self-confidence.

Being OK with me was hidden in secret magical fairy tale dimension that I’d only read about in make-believe or self-help books. The concept of self-esteem was so foreign, it seemed something someone made up to be cruel to people like me. But even through my skepticism, I’ve continued to work hard on finding this elusive but apparently very necessary item.

Lurches and leaps and lapses in faith littered my way from there to here. Yet I keep adding drops into my bucket to fill my self-esteem bucket up. I trusted myself when I made decisions to risk and won. I saw myself in a different more valuable way when a community rose up around me to support me. I dedicated myself to my therapy homework and to writing what I felt and putting it in front of you dear reader.Re-establishing Trust With You is the Most Important Thing You'll Ever Do on Shalavee.com

And recently, I’ve grabbed another book to continue to build a connection with myself that is stronger and more honest and trustworthy. I am writing five acknowledgements every day of things that I have done. And as simple as that may seem, something is shifting. I am feeling my word is good to myself. I am keeping myself from rushing off to the future and am focusing on the present.

The process will be different for everyone. Many people get to start of with less of a deficit. They may have half as much work to do to find a way of seeing themselves within the world that’s purposeful and important and uniquely necessary. But that is always the truth whether you’ve found it out or not yet. And there are most likely lots of loving people in your life who have waited and hoped for you to make that discovery. So give yourself an opportunity to find your voice again and make yourself at home in the safety of being you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Connecting the Parts

Last Summer, I agreed with the small girl inside me that she needed my help to heal. And together, we acknowledged her needs and demands to be allowed to create and play. I participated in creative challenge after creative challenge until reestablished trust with my inner child around the need for play.My adult and child parts were beginning to reconnect.

I have felt a need to heal another part of myself recently. She was the teen me who was so daring, took chances, and showed the world what she was made of. She was intoxicating and dangerous, crafty and self-sufficient. And I’ve been missing her a lot recently. Connecting my parts on Shalavee.com

Seems that we need to acknowledge that we are multifaceted and each part of us formed at different times in our lives, needs to work together as a team. If we don’t, and don’t trust ourselves to play well and negotiate our needs kindly, we will always be at a deficit. I have been working hard for years to understand what it is I’ve been saying to myself and I’m just getting to the point where I am beginning to trust my own choices, my reliability, and my compassion.

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves

and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas ~

We are all our own leaders. We need to find a way to work well within ourselves so that we may continue on trusting our own voices telling us what we need, what we’re passionate about, and hearing what others are saying, good and bad, so that we may make the best decisions about what we need to do next. Lead ourselves on through our own personal terrains.

I am not fearless nor fearsome. My fear is there but it need not run the show anymore. It can witness me making these continual choices to be kind to my inner child and embrace the passion of my teen self. And when the time comes for me to be done, I can tell fear thanks for the help but I’m glad I did it my way after all.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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