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Be Willing To Let Life Teach Them

As parents, we have a lot of damage control to manage. We expect that our children will be teased so we try to give them un-teasable names. We imagine they’ll be injured by the coffee table so we choose to have a round coffee table. We see the food struggle coming and so we make their meal choices simple so they’ll eat. But for all our parental controlling, do we consider the benefits of seeing the disasters and circumstances through to their not so perfect endings? Because there’s a lot to be learned by this practice occasionally.Be Willing to Let Life Teach Them on Shalavee.com

I remember reading in one of my parenting help books that if you have a problem with a kid who whines for the candy at the check out line in the grocery store, you need to set up a sting operation. Knowing they’ll behave this way, you say to them ahead of time as your headed to the store in need of pretend items, “we will leave if you pull this behavior stunt”. Then you go into the store grabbing this pretended needed item and when they act like they were told not to, you ask the cashier to please put the item back and you leave immediately and calmly. You are hedging bets for your future reliability. You are letting that child know he/she is not in charge. This is a very good example of how to reestablish your authority but sometimes you need to go all out the other way and let it go.

I spoke with a woman who was fretting about her son’s dental hygiene. She said he refused to take care of his teeth. And someone said, just wait until he wants to have a girlfriend. He’ll change that tune really quickly because no one wants to kiss someone with a skanky funk mouth. He was probably suffering a little from “if you tell me to do it then I don’t wanna”but there’s a point when, as a mother, you have to let lessons be learned. There’s always the free dental services at the Dental School when he has future dental health problems. Sadly, the only person he’s punking out against is himself.Be Willing to Let Life Teach Them on Shalavee.com

l took my daughter into the bathroom last night and she refused to go to the potty when I asked her. The old “I don’t have to” but “I really don’t want to be told what to do” trick. And sure enough, there was a wet bed four hours later. I knew what the circumstances were going to be but we have been pull-up free for a week and I know she has to go all the way out and feel the discomfort to learn. Sometimes we have to see our way through to the real worse case scenario, the “what if” so that the lesson can be learned the “hard way”. Because life is a better teacher than we can ever be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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A Case of the Busyness

My friend and I were having a heart to heart, that spill your overwhelm kinda talk. I’ve heard these words before from both her and myself and of course my suggestion is first to get it all out of your head and on to paper. Lists reorganize and rend the tendrils from you mind so that you may see what you’re truly dealing with. And she said, “Yes, but…”.

But the busy may just be a disguise for the stuck. For the balking of making the deeper more decisive decisions. What if busy is the easy path? We can distract ourselves with busy thereby avoiding the issues that scare us. The choices that might mean change, for good or bad.A Case of the Busyness on Shalavee.com

Our busy has become a subterfuge, a shallow pool to thrash around in and distract us from the exact things that may need more time and more effort but also may bring relief from our perpetual activity and anxiety. Our busy’s a ruse. I eloquently wrote about this state of my being last year here.

So I suggest, pick the one thing that you need to do to make a big difference, in how you feel about your life, in your competence, or in your environment. And then unplug everything (literally or figuratively), set yourself a timer for 20 minutes, referred to as the Pomodoro Technique, and start. Shove fear right on its butt and out of your way and tell yourself you are making a difference today. And when that 20 minutes is up, go pee or get a drink, and set that timer for another 20 minutes and keep going. A Case of the Busyness on Shalavee.com

Today can actually be the most productive day of your life if you only get out-of-the-way of the busy and let it be. I always know the exact thing that scares me the most. And I’m gearing up to do some Don Quixote days soon on that stuff. Would you like to join me and kick some windmill butt too? Tell me here or somewhere what you’re avoiding and let’s all support each other in moving the heck on with it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Will They Think

Truthfully, at a certain point, we all stop caring about what people think. We get old enough and rack up enough GAS points to no longer Give A Shoot, if you know what I mean. But until we arrive at that cantankerous age, we seem to be stuck in a perpetual loop of caring a little too much about what others might think. As if their ill-willed thoughts would be immediately transmitted to a huge talking head on a large flat screen in our minds saying, “You suck and you are unworthy of your existence.” At which point we die, the end.

Stuck is the nature of human existence. We are pack animals whose worse fear is to be outcast. To live a life of shame of being less than. So, we keep ourselves on the QT, on the down low. We make everyone think we’re perfect and OK and Fine. While we live lives of fearful and silent desperation. Somehow instinctively we know to be terrified to be ourselves. Except, what else can we be? So, we’re screwed either way according to our instinctual reptilian brains.

What will they think when we tell them about our imperfections? About our bed-wetting problems as a child, our years of sleepless passionless nights, our mother’s illness, or our ridiculous inability to get beyond our fears to move on? Will we be stoned or scarlet lettered or shamed if we tell them about our abortions, out stays in the mental hospital, or our compulsive disorders?

What will they think? Perhaps what we all need specifically is to be asked to think a little more. Maybe we need to think about what it might be like to live with another’s problems, abuses, and dilemmas. Maybe we could stand the dose of compassion at the thought of what it might be like to be someone for whom no one ever showed up. Or we could stand to take a moment to think about anyone other than ourselves and our greed and our goods and our glamorous outsides.What will they think on Shalavee.com

I am here to share my stories in the hopes that they get people to think and to see themselves in my stories . And perhaps to stir up some self-compassion if these stories strike a note for them. Listening to one another without judgement and being open to be swayed into another point of view is exactly what community is all about. And I for one would like to lead us into a place of thoughtfulness by the example. There’s too many thoughtless examples. The scales need a radical tipping.

Any thoughts you are suddenly compelled to share, fire away. Have you hugged your kid today?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Mending My Body

Before launching into one of his tales, my husband always says,”Stop me if I’ve told you this one before”. Of course you wouldn’t be rude enough to do that. I’m the only one that would. But I do think I have a tendency to hesitate telling you about myself sometimes as if you’ll tire of “that same old story” especially when I’m whining about my body.

I’ve found, however, that some stories are worth telling over and over if it allows for others to give themselves permission to help themselves or feel like they’re not alone. So this is my current story.

I am fighting the good fight next round of finding the right doctors, attending the doctor’s appointments, scheduling procedures, and getting through the procedures. Oy is it a battle! And yet, at the end, I have told myself that I am valuable enough as a human being to take care of.

I have finally gotten another set of bilateral corticosteroid shots to my sacroiliac (SI) joints where the spine, or sacrum, attaches to the hips. I am awaiting a follow-up doctor’s appointment but have not experienced complete pain relief all the time. I can get two more sets of shots before I have to wait 6 more months. If this ceases to be affective, my next choice would be a fusion surgery. We’re hoping that will be unnecessary for a long time. mending my body on Shalavee.com

I am now on a countdown for a sinus surgery that essentially should have been done years ago. It seems that a deviated septum is to blame for my chronic sinusitis and subsequent failure (twice) of the antibiotic augmentin. So essentially, I am having my nose roto-routered. It’s kinda hard not to be anticipatory of this sort of thing. And being unable to take Ibuprofen ten days prior to the surgery is messing with me as my SI joint responds best to that medication.

What I like to say is that it is what it is until it isn’t anymore. And soon this will all be a nightmare. In other words, I’ve got my sights set to the future and the Fall when my fall allergies won’t create yet another sinus infection. And I can go running outside again. These are respectable goals.mending my body on Shalavee.com

I hope that me telling you all of this, you can see that taking care of whatever ails or hurts you is such a big deal in feeling like a whole happy person. You’d never deny a child the medical treatment they would need so why do adults do it all the time to themselves?

Follow the breadcrumbs to your wellness.

Anyone have something their putting off taking care of?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self-Recovery For the Ones You Love

You may not choose to run a marathon for yourself but you would for a cause you felt truly moved by. It feels the same way with self-recovery, the process of rediscovery of our truest strongest selves. It is such a struggle through forests of fear and sorting of fact from fiction that a person would really truly rather not. Unless you have kids. Then your whole perspective on who you need to be changes.

Much of what I have done never would have happened unless I had kids who I knew would be getting a better me for my process. It started with the conscious clearing of anxiety, finding a spiritual community, and quitting smoking. It continued with beginning this blog as a way to write and better my writing with regularity. And it became a self-bettering process of even larger proportions when I was asked to teach a seminar, admitted that I would write a book, and started my own community online and in real life. Self-Recovery For the Ones You Love on Shalavee.com

Passive to active living and reactive versus proactive choices were shifts in my lifestyle that I can see evidence of change. And if I can see them, so can my children. If I want them to live a life of empowerment and opportunity, I need to model what that looks like. Because they will always learn by what you are doing more than what you are saying. Immediately I remember the anti-drug PSA from the 80’s where the parent asks the kid where they learned to smoke / do drugs and the kids says, “I learned it by watching you!”(see the link to the very bad quality You Tube snippet below.)

If there isn’t one good reason to have kids, it’s that accountability to the world to be the best role model you can be. Of course there’s also that immense pride of creating beings that you know will positively add to the world. And the huge quantities of love hormones you get throughout their lives when you hug them. But I truly feel an immense pride and compassion for my humanity when I’m sloppily slam in the middle of working this stuff out. Because I want the next generation to be able to choose process over perfection. To have witnessed what it means to struggle and win. Because that’s what I’m doing all the time here.

Anyone got an amen for me? Shout it out.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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