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Letting Go of the People I Thought I Might Have Been

Why do I have this box of stuff in the attic?”, I wonder. This questionable box has been there so long that it’s developed the dreaded force field. The box, because of its longevity in this spot, has now become a given and almost invisible. Except when I ask, “Why do I have this box of stuff in the attic?”.

I realized the answer is quite simple. This box of stuff reflects who I was at one point. This stuff reflected what I was creating or what I found important at that moment. And it’s as if I have been frozen in time at that one moment. It’s an archaeological excavation into my past. But it’s also a cinder block on my path. Because all these accumulated boxes in my attic, closets, basement, and garage, all amount to a huge pile of stuff that no longer reflects the true me today.

The trick is…I must think about what I am now. And that seems like more effort than it’s worth.

Or is It?

Letting go of the people I thought I might have been on Shalavee.com

How do I know who I think I am unless I take the time to tell myself? How do I know what my goals are or what makes me happy if I don’t take a moment to stop and consider my feelings and thoughts on any of these subjects? And especially, who do I think I am?

It occurs to me that what seems like a lot of work, talking and writing and figuring out who you are and what you’re interested in doing, is exactly the work that will make everything else easier to do. Decide once and then all other questions are answered.

Letting go of the people I thought I might have been on Shalavee.com

Trick is trusting yourself with the decision of who you are and what you want. If you are used to being told what to do all you were used to being told what to do all your life or are on autopilot, it takes a tremendous effort to reconsider who you do and don’t want to be from now on.

But there’s no other way to go ahead. So I am pulling my sleeves up and deciding who I don’t want to be any more, as well as who I do. Ditching the once conceived notions of myself that no longer fit me. And looking to be inspired to stepping into the shoes of the person I’m excited to be and see what happens next.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Not Enough is Not Enough is Not Enough

Enough, like Esteem, is one of those concepts I revisit again and again hoping to coax out the secrets to unlocking the spell it holds over me. I am certain that the key to releasing me from the state of not enough lies closer to me than ever before. Can you feel the “not enough” curse in your life too? I was Looking For Good Enough back in February and made some realizations here.

There is an epidemic of consumerism, an obesity of possession. People still mesmerized by the media that tells them what they should value can be bought in wagon loads for less at their local Superstore. And the economy rumbles on on the debts from home-improvements and blatant overspending of your neighbors. My in-law conceded, “You’ll always be in debt so you might as well enjoy yourself.” Not Enough is Not Enough on Shalavee.com

But what if all that buying still is never enough. What if all your attempts to fill your soul up with stuff doesn’t do “it” for you. Then what? I offer then  that this is not the way to salvation after all. We’re smart beasts, why would we keep falling for this?

I offer that we are just lacking in a connection to our own impact on our world.

That we have lost our faith in our own personal contributing worth. That we need to create a safe space within ourselves to be us instead of trying so hard to be someone else.

That enough starts from within. Always has. Always will.

And perhaps even being aware of what we are unhappy with can open our eyes to be more consciously aware of what enough might actually mean to us. Not Enough is Not Enough on Shalavee.com

I found recently that when I was forced to stop doing doing doing and have a seat, I became more appreciative of what was going on in the present moment. That my kids laughter and the carry out food I didn’t have to cook were mini-miracles. And it was enough for that moment.

Here’s to hoping to find a place to be safe within ourselves, myself, where I am mighty and important to the world. That my unique perspective is valued by me and by you. That my being alive is enough to get me started in directions that make me proud and happy. And that I the “not enough” begins to feel more like a lie than the truth.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem

Back to my therapy office this week after a long hiatus, I asked my therapist to help me continue to work on my value. That seems to be one area that is slow to move and grow in. Kinda like when we ran out of gas on the highway that one time and even adding 5 gallons wasn’t enough to start the car. (Fuel injection is persnickety that way. I curse gasoline anyway.) Sometimes the progress is imperceptible and doesn’t feel like enough.

Once your supply of esteem gets down below a certain point, I think it takes a lot to pull it back up to a functional place. A lot! And it’s the kinda thing where I think I’ve filled it up and then something big and bad happens and I feel it draining out the holes of my self-doubt and then those little niggling lies that you’ve heard in your head all your life creep back in. And you’re toasty.Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

I thought today how low self-esteem and not valuing your worth is the reason for a lot of the crazy things people do. There are people who create mirages of perfection online so that no one will see they aren’t perfect. There are people who manipulate you to like them by outright lying. And the bullyers are plopping their self-doubt on your head so they don’t have to look at it in their own hats. Nasty people, harassing people, and depressed people are all suffering from the same deficit of self-love. We know what this feels like so you’d think we’d be a little more compassionate?Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

But when you are staring at your own bleak walls, it’s awful hard to think of anyone else but yourself. And that makes me know that to be of any help in the world, I need to not be operating from this dark place anymore. I can not help the world or anyone else if I don’t have my inner room cleaned up and a little brighter. So I again go in to fight the good fight for truth and value, being my own super hero and asking for the world to mirror me the truth of my worth. Because I think mostly, we are all good and a little broken. And I respect your process to find a better place to be if you aren’t happy where you are.

Who’s with me and where are you? Do you have a problem valuing you too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why I’m OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop

If I had a dime for every time I heard, “Oh Shalagh you are so creative”, I’d at least have five bucks. This became one of those phrases that made me twitch perhaps because I didn’t think of myself as having any kind of creative superpowers which was obvious to them but not to me, until it finally was. I think perhaps what they meant was they wished they knew the secret creative permission spell too.Why I'm OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop on Shalavee.com

Fast forward to the past several years when I intentionally indulged myself in creative challenges to gain creative confidence. I followed many of my creative curiosities until I finally owned that I was an Uber-creative. And I am beginning to understand that I believe in creative living aka Creativism as a way of life, one that is at odds with the consume and destroy mode of existence I see all too much of.

So if there is a purpose to my life, one of the facets seems to be sharing my creativity with others so that they too have permission to create.  To this end, I am offering a creativity workshop locally this Fall because I believe that everyone can benefit, and perhaps heal, from increased creativity in their lives.Why I'm OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop on Shalavee.com

Each of us looks to understand ourselves based on our interaction with the world. The advertising propaganda would have us believe conformity and possession would be our best safe bet to easy existence. But in fact, we crave to understand our uniqueness through our interactions. We long to be carefree, to be unique and yet connected to our community at the same time. We want self-confidence that comes from owning our own uniqueness and perspective. Not only are these human needs, they are only a few of the many benefits of creativity.

Somehow, as we become older, we conform to the idea that creativity will get us outcast from the tribe. That we need to focus only on the earning of money and security for our family. My hope is that by opening up a conversation with people, and consequently they with themselves, the tantalizing benefits will begin to tickle people slightly out of their fear zones so that they may try creativity in small bursts in their lives. A little creativity in one’s life is better than none. And the money people can save by ceasing to try to find themselves by spending rather than creating will make it an even more enticing proposition.Why I'm OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop on Shalavee.com

My final realization is that I don’t have to a “professional” artist to legitimize my knowledge and experience around creativity. I can be a small “a” artist. I only need to acknowledge that I am creative and share what I feel and know to be my truth around this process as it relates to my growth and development as a more rounded human being. I can honestly say that the permission I have given myself to create has created a better happier more confident me. And that is a completely good thing.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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A Round-Up of Summer Thoughts

Having just returned from a two night quickie vacation to Pennsylvania to visit friends and see Gettysburg for the first time, I am still feeling the remnants of a perspective shift. It is kindness to give yourself a break this way occasionally as day-to-day workings can get kinda repetitive. And what the break gave me was permission to be on a break. My day-to-day can feel so stringent and non-permissive that it begins to feel oppressive.A round-up of Summer thoughts on Shalavee.com

I’m a task master. When I decide it’s time to be doing something, it’ll happen. But without time off, the tasks start to feel like a prison. My well intended purposeful doing good choices begin to feel like dreadful obligations. And I can use a break from my Super Ego. So off we went where all I had to do was drive and decide where to pee and eat. It was rather mindless.

Coming back into my zone/life, I had scheduled a sinus surgical procedure that, while giving me hope for a future without perpetual sinus infections, had me dreading and holding my breath for what I would endure for the next couple weeks. I decided that I can indulge in whatever I want up until my surgery until I was well. I said yes to all bread products and wine and I continue until I’m given the OK to exercise this Wednesday. And by then, I think I’ll have gotten my fill of Summer yumminess. A round-up of Summer thoughts on Shalavee.com

It’s OK to be afraid, especially if they’re putting you under. It’s OK to be compassionate even though you may not even know what that means at first. It’s OK to enjoy what little Summer there is left and not worry about the repercussions. Because this is all the time we get with our children before they get on the buses and go back or start school.

So I am here enjoying the unseasonably cool August weather. Kitchen’s clean, laundry’s done, and I have a few moments to sit and read or write. That is what Summer has simmered down to. The now. And I’m darn glad to have a now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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