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Social Media is Good For You

The increased use of social media has changed the world in ways many people will suggest are all bad. Saying that this new crop/generation of ego soaked narcissists wouldn’t have come about without the social media medium is short-sighted. My thought is that this medium just gave everyone a voice that they were already feeling entitled to use while disregarding anyone else. It didn’t make them this way, it just aided them to be heard.And watching this definitely made many of us a little more shy online.

But just because that’s what you hear and see, this still doesn’t mean all of us are having that same distasteful experience. In fact my social media experience has become quite the opposite and I am bowled over at how my esteem was raised up so much by strangers on the internet.

If you Google search “the effects of social media”, you get a pretty bad laundry list of how people’s psyches are crumbling under the pressure of the cult of perfect on the internet. I want you to like me, I am compelled to control that, and so I put false and perfect images up of myself so that you’ll ooh and ahh and won’t cast me out of the tribal circle. Except, the false-self will be very unhappy with the whole thing and eventually, in your attempts to be a perfect, you will fail to trust the very acknowledgement you receive.Social Media is Good For You on Shalavee.com

…Have the faith that if you are just you, that those who are meant to be your friends will know you with their eyes closed and their minds open.

The opposite of fake is authentic. And I now know that authenticity comes from you creating a space for you to be yourself. That it is highly risky, yes, but when you hand your true you over to strangers repeatedly and they still like you? You got a good thing going on. And so was my tale of how Instagram has changed my life.

The story about how this medium elevated me from my dragging self-esteem to being a daring doer, is all about how I made lovely friends all over the world and trusted that what they were telling me was true. That not only didn’t I suck, I soared. My ideas were valid and wise. My art and pictures were interesting and beautiful. And that I was genuinely a someone that people wanted to be friends with and still do.Social Media is Good For You on Shalavee.com

This was about seeing myself through a previously non-existent mirror. And building myself up with risks and achievements I’d accomplished which then were echoed time and again by strangers who became my friends. That is how I see social media in my world. I am a benevolent loving presence in many people’s lives. I have exchanged letters with them and met with them and Skyped with them. And I am never disappointed at how wonderful the women of the world are. And how they show up for me when I ask them to. Very validating indeed.

Social media isn’t as sucky as social media would have you think. It’s all in the way that you use it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Glimmer

Everyday that you live is a recipe of what you felt about your life mixed with what you actually did. The positive or negative perception recipe of our days lived depends on how we interact and present our life and its outcomes to ourselves. So what if we could hedge that bet and make our lives more fun by allowing ourselves to know that it’ll all go well. What if our absolute confidence in the grandness of what we have going on could influence other people. If I was charismatic using my choice, casting out my own enchantments and drawing people in, I think it could be fun and life altering for everyone.

Glimmer on Shalavee.com

This past week, I heard a bunch of Madonna songs. During Vogue, I decided to listen to what she had to say and I found new inspiration. She says, “All you need is your own imagination, So use it that’s what it’s for. “And I thought, yes! We could imagine ourselves in a good place in full costume as the star of the show. And then let ourselves see what we’re capable of doing. A little game of make-believe that boosts us.

 

What if we could cast our own illusionary enchantment on ourselves. Let’s call it a Glimmer and within it, you could see that one thing that you really wanted to activate. You saw how your one action will be the very thing that the world needed you to do and it will make a difference. And you go on and do that because you saw it was going to work out.  I think highly successful people must be building these sorts of mental bridges for themselves and following their own muses and whims to daring places. And they are fueling them with faith… or ego.

Glimmer on Shalavee.com

If we write the endings to our stories before we get there anyway, I’m proposing that we fake it until we make it. We put some lipstick on, feel supercharged, and get to doing that bit of extra work that will have an impact. Cast a glimmer on yourself and pretend you can do it and then the work will prove it!

 

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And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Catching Up and Telling the Truth

What a slippery perspective buster “truth” is. The truth is that this first month and a half of Summer has been rough. Not in the hard ways my Summers used to start , but in very personal ways. Ways I was not even telling myself about.

Today’s truth is that I am still awaiting the steroid injections I received two days ago in my ouchy SI joints to take effect. I’m still holding my breath for the positive outcome. I’ve fought my way here and still there’s truly no change. And continued pain messes with your mind a little as it drains your good will, your hope, and your ease.

Truth is I cancelled my second round of Weight Watchers, because after three months, I didn’t lose a single pound. And I just felt like a watched pot. I refused to boil. catching up and telling the truth on Shalavee.com

 

Personally, and professionally, I had set high expectations and goals I had to rise to so I could be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance. The disparity in my actuality vs my intentions made me so disconcerted, I chewed my lip apart for most of June. If it feels like you are living for another’s approval, you probably are.

We are at the half way point of Summer with one more Summer Camp next week and looking forward to one more mini-vacation which I’m hoping will be relaxing. But I have a sinus surgery lined up right afterwards for mid-August. It is radical self-care act for me to do this, long overdue, but it is also impending doom looming in my not too distant future. I’m scared.

For me, getting perspective on all of this means you write it all up and then you let it go. What are your suggestions for not dreading and instead being present?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Impress Yourself and Be Your Own Hero

You and I work so hard everyday to keep our lifeboats afloat. There are people to care for and bills to remember to pay. And I know I am not stepping back far enough to truly see how much I’m accomplishing. All this may impress you but I’m used to this. I’m valuing the wrong things apparently.

I found myself sad some months ago about how people I knew were letting all these marvelous things happen, flinging doors open. Walking towards their success. When I should have been happy, all I could think was “Why not me?” The simple answer was I wasn’t ready for it. The larger answer is I hadn’t set myself on sights to impress myself with my talents just to see if I could. To play the round of golf against myself and see what was my best score today could be.Be here and be your own hero on Shalavee.com

I found myself thinking the other day that I’d like to feel that thrill of doing that dangerous impressive thing again. That sigh of relief, the surge of adrenaline, that excitement of sharing my act with people who I know will be pleased and proud of me. And then I remembered an old mantra that used to get me up and going, ready for the next challenge. I used to say,”What would I do to be my own Hero?” And memories of prior courageousness flood back to me. Of leaving an abusive marriage. Of beginning to write, starting a blog, joining Facebook.

I remembered I used to say,”What would I do to be my own Hero?”

And memories of prior courageousness flood back to me.

And suddenly I was no longer alone. I had an army of brave women with me. Fears are foolish. They prey on your weak moments when you’ve forgotten yourself. They whisper lies of not-enoughness to you. But there have been plenty of moments when I have been impressively courageous. Hello, childbirth twice. Be here and be your own hero on Shalavee.com

Today I need to do things that make me uncomfortable, that I’m avoiding doing. But I also know that given a chance, they may become things I truly enjoy doing. They may lead me to the edges where I can happily stop and not wonder what else. They may lead me to places I never foresaw going and are my favorite places in the future. They may even lead me to connecting with my new favorite people. I just have to start with impressing myself. And allowing for the little unexpected, un-perfect, and exciting moments to unfold.

(First published back in November of 2016, I thought this one was worth revisiting. It made me feel good to reread it.)

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Shame Memories and Lessons

Spend any time reading or listening to Brene Brown’s work and you’ll get to understanding the toxicity of Shame. Watch her brilliant Ted Talk here on Shame. This word has such power in it that we tend to think its reserved for people in really bad circumstances; ones that have nothing to do with us. But sometimes we just don’t want to remember.

 

I had a flash today of several moments in my life that were all about shame mugging me. And I realized too, each has then required me to stand up and say I was worth better. The hard stuff can give you the good stuff but you must endure it.

Shame Memories and Lessons on Shalavee.com

      My Shame Memories

 

I was in my 20’s and had slept with a University student, a rich boy with a bunk bed most likely at a frat party. I can’t even remember the incident but somehow and for unknown reasons, I spoke to this guy on the phone later when he went and asked me if I had any communicable diseases. His girlfriend was coming to town so he needed to know. Horror is the first word that comes to mind.

 

I went to file charges against my ex-husband at the police station for domestic abuse. It felt as if I was wearing a leaden suit when I walked in. The shame I felt as I wrote the written description of how I was victimized was the heaviest I’ve ever felt. I didn’t feel quite as bad when I bailed him out of jail later where he’d been hauled in for not completing his abuse counseling after I filed those charges. But I knew I’d blown my chance to leave.

 

And I felt unworthy when a client told me my work wasn’t worth the money I’d asked for. I wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t worth loving without hurting, being appreciated for my talents, or worthy of being paid the price of human decency. Except that in each circumstance, I was also not the one acting abhorrent.

Shame Memories and Lessons on Shalavee.com

     Lessons Learned

 

Shame is funny like that. It makes the victim feel responsible for the pain. It’s a passing of the buck of a sort, a deflection of one person’s unworthiness on to another. And when the person being shamed feels like a child, or is one, it’s horrific.

 

I’m certain there are many other memories I could dredge up. But honestly, I don’t need to. Because I know in these situations, I was choosing these people to be mean to me because I felt unworthy. There will always be people out there who will look for weaker people to project or displace their ugly feelings onto. It’s a true bully tactic. But I’d like to think as we get older, maybe we build our soul forts stronger and when the world comes huffing and puffing, we’ll laugh and put the pot on the fire.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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