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A Woman’s Worth

She got onto a fancy white SUV parked next to me in the Royal Farm Store parking lot. She carried herself well, had a few tattoos on her arms, but the lyrics of the song she was blasting from her car radio made me wince. A man rapped about getting or not getting something that starts with a P and is another word for a kitty cat or, in this instance, a female anatomy part. I am appalled at that term and the concept of women’s worth reduced to a single anatomic part and that this was acceptable to her.

My strongest feeling was empathy for the idea that,  as women,  we are not valued for anything more than what we value ourselves for. So that if our sexual power is what we value ourselves for, then so will the world. And if we see our ability to be a mother and take care of our family as our only valuable trait then we find it hard to see ourselves any other way. We may say we resent the stereotypes but until we own our the role we are casting ourselves in, we will continue our subjugation.

I have played both the roles of sexual object and supermom and discovered I have used these roles as an excuse to not risk those leaps that would be only for me and my benefit. The kind of risks that would mean me shining all alone for who I am and not just for how I’m defined in relationship to others. This is a whole weird concept for so many of us.

As a person, I need to be and do things that are separate from other people. Especially after becoming a Mom, I felt a desperate urge to be just me somewhere else. But the truest lesson I know I’m learning is how little ones will only do as I do, not as I say. So, if you say to your children, go forth and explore the world and who it is to be you, but you don’t ever do that for yourself, you are an unreliable source. And you’ll guarantee they will do the opposite of what you tell them and the same as what you do.http://shalavee.com/mothering-thirds/

Every brave thing I’ve done since having children was heavily influenced by the idea that they would catch my low self-esteem like some contagion. I practice what I preach, lead by example, and try to mirror what I think a woman and a mother can be. Sometimes I get it right too. The largest lesson I can give my daughter is to never accept anyone else’s definition of her if she isn’t comfortable with it. She is not an object. She can not be own ed by a person or a word. And I think little sassafras has already got a good head start on this defiance.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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A Wise Why

I am busy re-assessing why the heck I’d want to get anything published. It’s all been so painful with the asking to be rejected kind of stuff, I had to stop cold and reconfigure my why. Because if it’s for your approval, I’ve discovered, it’s not going to work for me. A wise why is my better bet. And it’s all in the way that I frame it for myself. I pondered this before here and the truth there is compelling. But I am still stuck.

I think we all have a tendency to put ourselves in auto-pilot. We head for the thing that we think we should be doing. And it’s also possible to head for the same goal but for a completely different reason. And that’s a shift I have been hard at work making; changing out my why.If my why has always been for my approval, it takes some willful rerouting of my brain to switch that to doing it for my happiness.A wise why on SHalavee.com

This year, I claimed courage as my word of the year. I did it in the hopes that I would feel more courageous to submit pieces to online magazines by claiming courage as my word. Hah! So I have now handed it over to my Mastermind group in the hopes that accountability would be a budge. And I think it’s actually working.

Yesterday I read a brilliant suggestion to write a letter to your stalled goal and see if you could flush out some new perspective on where your why you had gone awry. And this is what I came up with.A wise why on SHalavee.com

Dear Writing Submission Goal,

You are a noble goal, a worthy goal. When I first created you, you were the highest most validating goal I could come up with. I would be a writer if I was published.

What I failed to understand though was that publishing, or submitting to published, can not be for anyone but me. My amusement, my happiness, and my approval needs to be the first priority. And until I sorted out what and who all this effort was for, I wouldn’t take you back up again.

I am slowly finding my way back to you in a way that feels honest. I have discovered my talent truly now. I believe what I say has foundation and worth and that it’s better than many others getting published currently. When I do get published, it will be for my merit. I believe  being published will further my progress towards so many other worthwhile opportunities.

I want you to know I still believe in you, I’m just changing out your frame.

              Love,

              Shalagh “

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Living in Paradox

It occurred to me recently that life necessitates living in a paradox more than we seem to be comfortable with. Our need to categorize and be perfectly right has us believing there’s a right way or there’s the highway. But I’ve bumped into several situations that would seem we need to lighten up and accept we can live on both sides.

 

I read somewhere, “You’re allowed to be Ok where you are and want something different too” and I froze. What? How is that possible? My disgust with my body would necessitate changing it, right? But now I am being given permission to be Ok with my body and also create an intention to tune it up simultaneously? The difference in the situations may be that in the previous one, I didn’t believes I was really going to meet my goal. Thus that disgust. But if you give yourself permission to be OK with where you are, then you feel more confident that you’ll be there for yourself in guiding the progress towards where you want. Self-trust then allows for you to occupy this seeming paradox.

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

I truly do believe that to move on from anywhere, you need to accept that you are there. So it would stand to reason that in any circumstances, you can accept /acknowledge/understand being there (not always be angry or disapproving) and this will give you the power to make a shift from there and on-wards. So that would sound like, “My body is OK the way it is. I am no less beautiful for the couple extra pounds I adopted at Christmas. I am not broken so I don’t have to fix it, I just want to tune/tone it up.” I looked at my capris pants today and I am working my way back into them one Weight Watchers day at a time.Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

 

Life is absolutely made of way more paradoxes than we care to acknowledge. Is it a paradox to like your body well enough the way it is and want to change it? Is it a paradox to love your husband and have crush on Brad Pitt? If what we have is good enough for now, then we can look to other possibilities without recrimination or guilt, that feeling of being at a deficit or deficient isn’t helping anyway. I can acknowledge that eventually I’d like a new couch and for now, this one is good enough. And that possibility allows for more being OK with my now. We all need to find a way to be OK with our nows.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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Our Creative May is Almost Done

As my create everyday in the month of May continues, I have been proud to say I almost showed up everyday to make art. And I remember again that I am creative every day in so many ways that are equally important even if they don’t involve traditional art supplies.

The last time I did this, I definitely worked the one theme concept and was truly successful at creating a body of work on one subject with one medium / mixed media. But I wanted to keep it low key this time. Just wanted to prove that with intention, I could do something everyday. And I am happy that I did. Our Creative May is Almost Done

Our Creative May is Almost Done

Our Creative May is Almost Done

Our Creative May is Almost Done

Our Creative May is Almost Done

Our Creative May is Almost Done

Did I come up with any clever ideas on future projects? Nope. But I’ve added to a growing amount of artwork and cards and I created. That’s what’s important here. Not that everyone is gaga over everything I do and liking me for it. The idea is that my inner child’s need to play is being honored. And I have to touch that feeling regularly or I am lost.

Let me not forget to mention that there were other lovely people who joined in this month of making with me. I am always flattered and thrilled to have company on any of my endeavors and I will share some of their work in my wrap up at the end of the month.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Follow the Breadcrumbs of Self-Care

This past month, I amped up the volume on self-care. Something shifted that said it’s time to do more to show myself I care about me. So I did.

 

Used to be when I went in to get my pedicure, I’d consider getting other services done but I’d talk myself right out of them. I didn’t need to spend that money. But this month, I not only waited for the gal I like to be free for my pedicure, I also asked to have my eyebrows waxed and to have her give me a manicure as well. And not any old manicure, a gel one that would last. It’s called pampering and not something I’m good at.

 

In a similar mindset, I realized that I was going to have to think bigger and badder on the subjects of my joint and sinus problems. So I went to see my physician and he agreed on my follow-up thoughts and wrote me a script for the CT scan I’ll have to get for my sinuses. Because when it comes to physical ailments, there are two things I know. Ailments just don’t just go away. And if you keep following up and pursuing your care, eventually you will get the results you want. Or results that you’ll be able to bear.

 

I went ahead and jumped back into Weight Watchers for a three-month time period hoping to shed the re-earned pounds from Christmas. Because I really liked when I could fit into my Capri pants last Summer.

 

How you treat yourself is how other people will treat you

 

And because I have worked so hard and making progress in my mental health goals, I have finally chosen to drop down to once a month visit with my beloved therapist now. The goals which I had set, I have met. And my shift is sort of stunning. Therapist said that my number one shining achievement was becoming more independent and less codependent.

 

 

If you keep following the breadcrumbs to your health and well-being,

you will eventually be well again.

 

See, nothing changes unless you change it. And the bigger goals won’t get accomplished until the basic needs get taken care of (see Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). So a better job or a more fulfilling personal relationship will be out of the question and out of reach until you tell yourself you are worth all the effort to begin with. If you keep following the breadcrumbs to your health and well-being, you will eventually be well again. Following up, going back, rescheduling, and then going all the way with the prescribed plan, even when it’s scary, are how you become well in the end.

 

The other truth that I now completely understand is that, how you treat yourself is how other people will treat you. So if I treat me with care and respect, so will the world. I’d say the price of a manicure and a doctor’s visit are worth all of that. Now for those braces.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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