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Placeholder People

Some people embody placeholders. They see themselves as having no purpose, no fate that betters the world. That their purpose is to just keep quiet, keep moving, have a couple of children, make money to feed their family, and just be. Their subsistence and distractions are their definition of happiness. Perhaps those babies will grow up to have a bigger purpose, to do something amazing. Maybe not. Either way, there are people who aren’t meant to shake the world. And they too are very necessary.

I respect your claim that you don’t want to look inward, work on your soul, look at your fears, or be accountable for much more than you have to. And in return, please don’t mock those of us who can’t contain our craving to grow out of the pot we’ve been planted in. We are doing our darndest to make a difference and be brave for our children and maybe yours. Placeholder people on Shalavee.com

If you judge me, you then judge me for the risks you are unwilling to take. And while I respect other people’s fears as I respect my own, there’s no room anymore for “us and them” especially at the price of bravery. There is room for “you and me” and the acceptance of our differences, our fears, and our driving truths. Let’s agree to live our lives simultaneously and respect one another’s efforts. Because life smacks of effort all the time. And tolerance starts in our hearts.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Just Because You’re Afraid Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Brave

Fiona was inconsolable with her self-pity after her recent round of shots. I thought she needed them for Pre-K but it seems we got them a year earlier than necessary. They’re done now. And those band-aids that I couldn’t remove from her thighs for days were proof that she wasn’t brave.

Don’t even suggest it to her because she’ll begin to cry and tell you she wasn’t. Still isn’t.Just Because You're Afraid Doesn't Mean You're Not Brave on Shalavee.com

In preparation for the day at the doctor’s office, I had read her a few books on going to the doctor’s and she found one in her bookshelf about the little turtle named Franklin who needs to go to the hospital. He’s had a soccer accident and needs a pin put in his cracked shell. And there’s a charming conversation between he and Dr. Bear where he doesn’t want to have an X-ray taken because he’s afraid it will show that he’s afraid inside.

The very wise doctor says,”An X-ray doesn’t show feelings. It only shows shells and bones.” Franklin says,”You mean no one will know I’m afraid?” and Doctor Bear answers,”No one. But just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean you aren’t brave. Being brave means doing what you have to do, no matter how scared you feel.”

Being brave means doing what you have to do,

no matter how scared you feel.Just Because You're Afraid Doesn't Mean You're Not Brave on Shalavee.com

Umm. How about that for a little applied wisdom in our lives. What are we putting off today. Not speaking up or risking rejection or telling the truth because of the scary risk of it all. How proud would any of us feel if we stepped up and did it anyway. Did it so we could hear ourselves say,”No thank you.” Or “I’m afraid of what you’ll say but I need to say this anyway.” I need my bravery way more than I need your approval. I need to keep braking through my fears until they fall away and I become as invincible as I will ever be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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He Gave Up On Me, So I Did Too

My Dad left our house when I was little. I visited him on designated weekends. He wasn’t particularly cuddly but I was wanted. In fact, he wanted to own me. Until he gave up. And because children believe that how they are treated is what defines their worth, I wasn’t apparently worth it. So I gave up on me too.

So tragic on so many levels and yet, it’s very much a reality for many many children. Like Peter Pan’s lost children, we are left with to our devices to seek out our worth in the world. In my case, I kept repeating this rejection and sought out men who were not available so that I could keep thinking I was somehow faulty. What a viscous circle this has been.He gave up on me so I did too on Shalavee.com

If someone does not want me

it is not the end of the world

but if I do not want me

the world is nothing but endings

~ Nayyirah Waheed

Eventually, through so much grief and work, I find myself with the absolute knowledge that my worth is defined by me. By what I claim it to be. And that I don’t have to keep trolling the world looking for validation from strangers and loved ones alike, is both a relief and terrifying.

But I am slightly dumbfounded at having to whip this worth stuff up from thin air. Thankfully, I’m surrounded by many wonderful mirrors. Connections both online and in the real world that I have been purposefully cultivating with my truest self. Plus a rockin’ therapist who gets me better than almost anyone. And a husband who is very supportive and patient. He gave up on me so I did too on Shalavee.com

Still, it is a bit of a slog through the mud to see what I want to value about myself. But everyday I try to be mindful of my lovely world, my creative existence within the world, and what goals I really want to set for myself for my betterment. Weaning myself from the validation of others was a great start. And now it’s still up to me to allow the world to see me and appreciate myself for the gifts I can give back.

PS. This week I am again hosting a challenge called the Soul Selfie Challenge on Instagram, where me and other people use prompts to dig a little into our psyches and divulge a little more real us instead of pretty “don’t you like me stuff”. My hope is that it becomes more validating to be real with real people than the attention we get from posing and pretending for external gratification. Look for me on IG using shalaghhogan or search the hashtag #soul_selfie.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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A Real Day

I lived another real day. Nothing “exciting” like a grocery store run. Just waiting on a service man, cleaning up a pee puddle or two from a stubborn 4-year-old daughter. Stasis. Stillness. Stupid brain.

Wishing I’d grabbed those few valuable moments of peace when she was sulking and half-naked in her room upstairs. But instead, I just wasted a half hour looking for that perfect rug online again. A real Day on Shalavee.com

The waiting has gotten me so much more than I’d credit it for. The waiting has made me catch up and slow down with my real purpose. Catch sight of who I really want to be : Me. I am a professional pusher and waiter. I got good at expecting way more from myself than I knew I could do deliver so that I would feel anxious and bad. And then I embraced stopping and listening to myself too.

I am good at waiting. I waited on you long ago at that restaurant. Now I am just awaiting my antibiotic to kick in and vanquish the umpteenth sinus infection, mother natures way of humbling my ambitious self out every time. The truth and the trick is? You aren’t ready until you are. What you do when you do it is proof of that. And using your expectations that are above and beyond your current capacity to torture yourself will only irritate and irk you in unnecessary ways. A real Day on Shalavee.com

Sometimes the time while you are awaiting the shift is torturous. It feels like spending long long days with a toddler trapped inside waiting for a delivery man. Because that’s what it is. And it is what it is until it isn’t anymore. Knowing this too shall pass, that soon this will all be a memory (nightmare) is how you live through it to tell another better story. Wait for it. You’re worth it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Let Me Take You to Frumpytown

Cold and rainy, now snowy day. I just wanted to put on my old ugly fleece coat. The one I was surprised to find in the closet since it was from when I was pregnant, has a busted belt loop, and possibly a paint splotch on it. But it’s like wearing a blanket on a wet cold dreary day even if it’s a definite decision to be frumpy.

I made the opposite decision yesterday when I decided to not go out looking and feeling frump-a-liscious. I heated up the curling iron and put on some make-up darn it. It’s not about what I think others are thinking but what I’m telling myself that matters.Let Me take you to Frumpytown on Shalavee.com

Turning 40 is tough and turning 50 is tougher. The loss of collagen in my skin, the droopy eyelids, and my hair falling out are all part of some nasty little nightmare that I keep hoping I’ll wake up from. But instead, I’m judging myself for not getting over it and moving on. The self-bullying isn’t taking away the signs of aging and neither are the creams. The only weapon against aging is wisdom. And the mirror I need to be looking is my soul mirror.Let Me take you to Frumpytown on Shalavee.com

Meanwhile, I also believe that I can still do everything in my power to look as good as I can at this age. So keeping fit, applying sunscreen, drinking water, and regularly getting my eyebrows weeded and toenails painted are all ways that I feel less crappy and less frumpy. And coming this week, a little highlighting in my hair. Because it’s just time. And how you regard and treat yourself is how others will regard and treat you. And I’m feeling like I’m wanting some world love right now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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