search
top

The Tenacious Beauty of Youth

Before I actually called myself a writer, after the shut down of my shop, I was interviewing a woman writer about her decision to write and tenacity to seek work. She dumbfounded me when she told me she had friends who’d written a book in 9 days. Like some story of book creationism, the book had taken form and was born in a little over a week. Who knows if it was good but it was done. I couldn’t imagine that.

I was in a therapy session referring to the gumption and authoritative airs of a twenty something I had found almost ridiculous in their boasting of their accomplishment when my therapist noted, youth means you aren’t afraid yet. You haven’t fallen on your face yet. Your naiveté is your shield and I realized how true this was. This was the superpower that wrote that book. The Tenacious Beauty of Youth on Shalavee.com

The older you get, the more you know. And then you know too much. There was a study I heard of where the monkeys being studied were thwarted from climbing up a rope or poll by being squirted with a hose. And after a while, the monkeys stopped trying to climb it. And the next generation of monkeys didn’t even attempt to climb up the rope. The elders had made sure they understood that trying would be futile and would be punished. Even though the youngsters hadn’t experienced the negative outcome, they had been trained not to risk. Obviously not millennial monkeys.

So the combination of a lifetime of negative experiences garnered by risking and failing added into the collective understanding from our parents that risking is bad, has raised us to be fearful beyond what is reasonable. As if our attempts to express ourselves or rise above our self-appointed stations will end tragically. We will be shunned for being different and that is death.The Tenacious Beauty of Youth on Shalavee.com

I want that sense of invincibility from my youth back. That knowledge that everything will be OK whether or not what I want to have happen actually happens. Being impassioned enough about what I am doing and saying to let go of the outcome and be completely immersed in the process. I want to be fearsome with my belief that what I have to say will make a difference in the world my children will grow up in. Getting there.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

No Fair

I caught myself this past week being very unfair to me. The slight anxiety I was experiencing was proof that I was doing something in my head that wasn’t kind. When I asked what was at the bottom of this, I realized there were unrealistic expectations about both my body and my writing work that I had judged myself as inferior for not meeting.

I was accusing myself of not being productive or proactive enough with my blog/writing projects and not speedily getting back into shape after the weight gain of the holidays. But then I realized that I’m trying to hold myself to goals but I have yet to define their limits. No fair. No fair on Shalavee.com

So I need to step back first and ask, what am I interested in achieving and who is it for because if the answer isn’t “for me”, I’m finished before I start. When the goal I’ve set is for me and my betterment, then I can proactively plan out my steps to achieving the goal. And perhaps find a way to install some accountability to insure its completion.That’s the right way to read my mind and in a step succession that is fair.

I would never ask my kids to guess what I expect of them to do. As members of the household, I give them specific expectations about how they’re to help and to speak respectfully to me. And I reward them in kind. There shouldn’t be rules of kindness for them that are different from how I treat myself. It’s false to think that Mama mule will work harder and better when she never gets a break and doesn’t know what’s at the top of the hill she’s climbing. No fair on Shalavee.com

I have found that when you define what it is you expect of yourself and your children, then everyone feels a little more comfortable within those preset boundaries. And things feel a little more fair. Today I will set some short-term and long-term goals with some time limits and then I’ll know I can’t judge myself for not being in process. And I’ll start again anew as I always do.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You

Recently my friend closed her shop down. It was the absolute right thing for her to do. The shop was taking more than it was giving back and it was time for them to break up. I can remember having to make that soul-crushing decision with my shop. And this made me feel sad for its demise however well-advised.

Sometimes we have to reverse our decisions. Our choices may no longer be achieving for us what we’d thought they would or what they were achieving has since ceased. I started doing a live video broadcast on my Facebook page last July in 2016 and kept it going for several months. But I discovered that I’d have been better off just doing live to tape videos because no one was tuning in. And then we needed to upgrade our Wi-fi when the live feed started to freeze. Wasn’t worth the stress I determined.letting go of what no longer serves you on Shalavee.com

But I had a super super hard time letting my Friday expectation go. I had made this commitment to me and to the world and I felt like I was letting me and the world down. Here’s the thing : if it’s not working then you need to reassess. Whatever you are doing, when you’ve reached the point of diminishing returns, you need to allow for the progress that letting go will allow. I can tell you that was the number one lesson I needed to learn when leaving my ex-husband.Your word and legal documents don’t mean anything if you are miserable.letting go of what no longer serves you on Shalavee.com

So here’s to saying no to what no longer is working or serving its initial and intended purpose so that we can open up our minds and hearts to the next thing that might do that better. Be that a job or a husband or a goal, we know when what we’ve been working on is or isn’t working and the effort to change tracks is far more important than the effort we keep making to continue to try to make something work that just isn’t.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Not a Loser or a Gainer but a Wicked Maintainer

When it comes to my body and my soul work, I can maintain what I’ve got for all eternity. It’s movement that I seem to be having a tough time with. I managed to move my body weight down maybe 6 pounds last year with Weight Watchers. And maintained it until Christmas when I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted assuming I’d gain it back. Which I did. I chose it. And now, a year later, I’m back where I started. Maintaining my weight gain despite good intentions and motivation. Not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer.not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer on Shalavee.com

The same can be said for my progress in my writing. I gained ground when I committed to writing daily and posting three times weekly. Yet when it comes to moving beyond the commitment of writing for my blog and trying to get published, I haven’t been able to allow myself to gain ground. I seem to expect just enough of myself to keep my blog afloat. I blame my need to mother simultaneously but I know that’s malarkey. I’m maintaining my writing practice but not growing it.

In a way I feel good about it all. At least I’m not losing ground I think. That’s a win isn’t it? But in a world where we judge ourselves for the progress we’ve made, I am not proud of treading water. I like writing and love connecting with other people on the subjects I love talking about. But being bold and disciplined is tough. Retreating, snuggling in, and not risking seems like it’s easy. But it’s not feeling easy. not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer on Shalavee.com

So I’m asking myself those questions again about what makes me happy? What is it I value and what would it take to achieve that value? And I am recommitting to that process. Not because I want you to like and approve of me. But because I want to be proud of me. I want to know that I am not caving in to my fear but making small efforts to make myself proud to be me on a daily basis.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

My False Agreement of My Future

In an effort to uncover the false thoughts that mess me up, I had the fortune to discover the Four Agreements yesterday. Written by Miguel Ruiz, these are ancient practices/ways to live your life that will bring you happiness and love in your life. The four agreements are

1) Be impeccable with your word

2) Don’t take anything personally

3) Don’t make assumptions and

4) always do your best.

As I read the synopsis written by another man here basing his work on this, I was struck by a realization about how our thought processes become automated. My false agreement of my future on Shalavee.com

As we are socialized, rewarded, and punished, we make choices on how to behave based on others’ opinions of us. These thoughts processes become habitual and automatic as we grow if they are not questioned. It’s childhood and it’s tough going but if we’re never given the power to choose to think otherwise, we may then be stuck in these childhood mindsets of lack and misery.

I remember talking to my Grandmother about getting a job. I was terrified and stuck in my life and needed some wisdom. She said, “Get a nice office job and you can wear a nice skirt.” I was appalled, but in her life wearing nice skirts had been a bonus to working. I’ve felt all wiggy about going bigger in my career because I have been afraid of a future that I presumed was what was expected of me, not one that I will create out of love and will based on my real talent and capabilities. I assumed that my future would be full of boring big girl stuff that I would hate. That’s what success looks like. Doing things I don’t like to do with people criticizing me for uncompensated pay. My false agreement of my future on Shalavee.com

The truth is that if anyone offers me any opportunities, it will be based on all the hard work that I’ve done because I wanted to do it which came from genuine talent and passion. I can say no to work that doesn’t fit this criteria. I can keep myself safe from the jobs that I would hate doing because someone else thought I should do them. I can rewrite the script of my life. What a relief. And I know the four agreements are something I am already hard at work on in my life to stay true to myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

« Previous Entries Next Entries »

top